To say it was tense between me and my son, after we'd had incestuous sex in church just before his wedding, would be more than a mild understatement. I knew he would be struggling with his emotions after that but his way of dealing with it was to virtually ignore me at the wedding reception, where he even left me out of his wedding speech.
I was getting sympathetic looks from Tasmin's family, though not Tasmin of course. She was a cold bitch, through and through. I felt very hurt by the way he had just decided to give me the cold shoulder. But I managed to get him on his own in a corridor as he carried a tray of drinks to the table....
"Josh, why are you being like this with me? What happened between us before the wedding was not something I planned, how could I do that? We both wanted it at the time and we can't undo it. I thought you might at least try to be nice to me on your wedding day after the way I've supported you!"
I was fighting back the tears but kept my voice steady enough to say what I had to say.
"Mum...maybe you didn't consciously plan it, but to me it felt like you deliberately tried to seduce me so that I might change my mind about marrying Tasmin. I know you don't like her, you've been quite honest about that, I've heard you talking to your friends on the phone when you thought I wasn't listening. I know you hate her, Mum. And my seduction was just your last desperate attempt to sabotage the big day. Just admit it!"
I was taken aback by these awful allegations and attacks against my good nature and reacted in a very feisty fashion.
"How can you say such a dreadful thing, Josh! Ok yes it's true, I don't think much of Tasmin, I said you could do better and you can. What makes you think I intended to seduce you?"
"Oh come on Mum, you're dressed very sexily for a mother in her mid-forties. The cleavage, the black thigh highs and black heels. You were dressed sexually to seduce someone. And it was me....".
"Oh...such lies! You make me sound like I'd dressed as a street corner prostitute! It's a low cut dress showing a little cleavage, I was trying to look my best for your big day, how dare you make it sound like I hatched some evil plan to ruin everything!
Do you think I enjoyed having everyone looking at me as I walked back up the aisle to that side room? I had to find somewhere quiet to calm myself down, how did I know you would follow me in there?"
Josh made a gesture with his hands that I needed to keep my voice down, tongues were already wagging about what had happened before the wedding ceremony.
"Ok...ok....maybe I've got it all wrong, Mum. You're right, I followed you in to check if you were ok and what happened...happened. But I'm a married man now and....I don't know....I think we can move past what happened but it will take some time.
So my way of dealing with this has been to block it all out until I'm in the right head space to handle it all. I just need time and maybe some distance between us. I'll be away in Paris for a week on my honeymoon so perhaps that will be enough time to clear my head."
I nodded, with a sense of sadness that our incredibly intense moment of illicit passion was causing him so much inner turmoil, but I felt neither of us had done anything wrong.
If Josh had simply gone on his honeymoon I think it would have been a one-off incident that the passing of time would make insignificant. But Tasmin's parents, Terrance and Felicity, had other ideas.
After my unpleasant altercation with my son in the corridor I tried to put a smile on my face and wandered back into the reception where the wine was flowing freely. As I grabbed myself a glass of Merlot from the bar Terrance and Felicity took me to one side.
"Hasn't it been a wonderful day, Carol!? I must say, I love your dress!" said Tasmin's mother, trying to be nice, but she was as fake and phony as her daughter. Terrance was certainly generous with his money but there was an element of showing off too.
"Thank you, Felicity, I thought I better look my best for the big day! You look absolutely lovely also!" I said, lying through my teeth. Her hat was hideous!
"Carol, we want to discuss the honeymoon with you. Now, you know that Josh and Tasmin will be spending a week in Paris at the Hotel Castille, the best five star hotel in the whole city. Well, as we've already spent a fortune we've decided we're going to stay at the same hotel for the whole week.
We'll give them their space but I thought it could be a really good opportunity for us to get to know each other better now that we're family. We would really like you to come with us to Paris, Carol.....will you come?"
I was rendered speechless by this latest plot twist, it caught me completely off guard. I'd just had Josh telling me he needed to keep his distance from me to sort out his head, now I had his annoying new wife's parents pressuring me.
"Oh, that's a very kind and generous offer Terrance, but I don't travel well I'm afraid, terrified of flying! I really wouldn't want to spoil the happy mood and ruin the whole week!" I said, knowing it wasn't a very good excuse but the best I could come up with on the spot.
"Oh Carol, it's such a short flight to Paris! And if you really can't face it, I'll sort out a ferry to take you across the Channel. We want you there! You're part of the family now and we'd love to get to know you more now all the stress of the wedding arrangements is out of the way.
I hope....I hope that it's not really because of pride...I know that some people are very proud and don't like other people paying for things. But I've already booked your room and it's too late to get a refund. So you really may as well come with us!".
I knew he'd backed me into a corner with nowhere to go. "Oh, Terrance, you know me too well already! I was brought up to never accept someone's generosity without doing something for them first, I'm not used to such overwhelming kindness!
You're right...I need to let go of my pride and just enjoy such a fabulous offer! I'm sure my nerves could handle a short flight. It's tomorrow?"
"It's tonight! We fly at 9pm, arrive at 10pm. If you need to go get packed I'll get the Rolls Royce driver to take you home, I may as well get my money's worth!"
"Oh my goodness, well yes, I better get home and get packing! Thank you so much, both of you!" I said, feeling flustered and bemused by this latest turn of events.
Josh was still avoiding me so I didn't even bother telling him I was leaving. On the way home, in the same Rolls Royce that had brought me there, I decided that I was going to go. I wasn't going to let my son blame me for what had happened and shut me out of his life. I got home and threw my favourite holiday dresses into a suitcase and dug out my passport.