Chapter 5
I changed the next morning, and made every effort to keep from looking at myself in the mirror. Then I went down to breakfast, every waking moment making me feel dirtier than I ever had in my entire life. I especially couldn't bear to look at my right hand. Or the tissue box. You fucking pervert, I punished myself.
Dad seemed chipper, despite everything. "Did you know they've got four hundred real channels here? Real channels!" He seemed so surprised. "Whatever you want. Cowboy movies, sports shows, crime shows, even American news." Off to the side, a Mexican cooking channel played, and a pleasant rhythm of words poured out of a couple hosts mouths as they dished up tortas. The sound blended with a gentle rhythm of the waves outside.
"I'm halfway certain American news broadcasts everywhere," replied mom, dishing up some eggs. She seemed calmer, too. A new day. Another shot at a family vacation.
She was in a bathrobe, a silky white one that accentuated her hips with a thin tie around her waist. She leaned to the side as she put a couple eggs on my plate, and it took every ounce of remorse and self control I had to keep from looking down her chest again. Her breasts looked so round and perfect under the silk.
I couldn't believe I had seen in her in this as a teen and didn't realize what I had in front of me.
Though I could have guessed. Sleepovers with friends always included jeers from them that my mom was a total MILF, jokes that I always returned with a heavy and defensive punch. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to hold on to the normalcy.
But mom looked especially gorgeous today. The sun was rising over the ocean, filling our villa with a host of soft reds and yellows. Her skin was positively glowing with an otherworldly beauty. I realized as I admired the curve of her back as it jutted out around her ass that I was salivating. I shook myself out of it and tried to focus on my plate as she passed by with a couple slices of fresh toast and a bowl of fresh salsa. The aroma of the bread and eggs rose with a fresh breath of cilantro.
My stomach roared... as did my mind, desperate for another breath of her.
She's not wearing much under the robe. She probably has a scent to her. Not like clean shampoo. Not like laundry. A musk. A scent. She probably has a scent like a woman. I squinted my eyes to keep my vision to my plate.
The guilt, thankfully, overwhelmed me. I made a new resolution. All this ridiculous thinking about my mom was over. Done. Now.
I was going to relax, have a nice vacation, and get the wifi going so I could find something normal to jack off to instead. Girls my own age. There was unbelievable amounts of porn out there, right? Or I could go into Chetumal, find an expat or a local for a fling, right? Something normal.
"I'm dying for the beach," mom interrupted my train of thought excitedly. Her tone told me that she had forgotten about the argument she had with dad last night. "I haven't gotten a tan in... forever."
"A tan sounds great," I jumped in. "But maybe I'll check out the city." Anything to keep it as family friendly as possible. Though my mind of course, entirely against my will, took off with the thought of mom tanning. Lying in the sun. She wouldn't be wearing much. Her flesh would shine, slick with oil. She'd lay there on the beach, her soft skin beautifully exposed, where anyone passing could see her. My gorgeous, gorgeous mother.
Mom continued, "I read some of the notes our host left for us. The tanning oil here is complimentary. I could tan on the beach, but there's also our patio. I think we could do dinner on it, later, but until then, it's also got those sunning chairs that I could use..."
Dad snickered at mom. "Oh baby, maybe keep it inside? Nobody wants to see baby beluga." The instant his words went out, I could see his eyes widen with the realization that what he said was a huge mistake. "Oh, Nora, I didn't - I mean, not like a whale, you're just so pale..."
Mom's spatula smashed against the counter with a crack. The plastic was broken. Pieces of egg fell to the floor.
Silence thundered in the kitchen. The only sound left was the sound of Mexican cooking show hosts cackling about how delicious their food was. Mom's hands shook. Her lower lip trembled. Her chin was up, defiant, furious, angry. Dad looked around in shame.
"Not like a whale, huh?" Mom challenged. I felt like sneaking out the front door, but I was practically between them.
"Oh, come on, Nora."
"Wow, look at those colors outside," I looked out there, trying desperately to change the subject and salvage the moment. It wasn't working.
Mom continued, her voice shaking in rage, her soft words breaking in frustration, "I have worked, so, so hard to make this vacation happen, and you can't lay off about how I look for one day," she started to tear up.
Dad jumped up. "Look, hun, I'm not saying you're fat. You're just..."
What was left of the spatula flew past his head.
"GET OUT." Mom grabbed the frying pan next. Dad jumped up, cursing.
"Goddamn, woman," he seethed. "For one fucking day, you can't stop from being so fucking sensitive, huh?" The pan flew into the living room next, smashing against the wooden television stand. The Mexican food hosts rocked back and forth. Dad rushed out. "ALRIGHT!" He moved like a blur toward the front door. "Enjoy your fucking tan, Nora! Sorry you can't take a fucking joke!"
The door slammed. He was gone.
Mom's chest heaved. Her face was red, her eyes darkening with tears. I got up to see if I could comfort her, but her hand went up and she lightly pushed against my chest. "Just..." her voice broke.
"Just go out for a while," she whispered, "alright Brett?" Mom looked up at me. I could see she was trying desperately not to cry.
"...Alright." I got up, collecting my sunglasses and wallet as I reached the front door.
"Go see some sights," mom called out from the living room. I could tell she was crying. "Maybe we'll go to the beach a little later, alright? It'll be a good time. We'll make this a good time." Her voice trailed off.
I felt a horrible sinking feeling, crushing my chest. "...Yeah, mom." I turned back to say goodbye and saw her on all fours, picking up the mess in the living room.