Emily stepped into the house feeling a little melancholy despite buzzing from a much-anticipated meth binge. She was frustrated to have to play house with her parents when all she wants to do was get high, get fucked, and run drugs with Darren. Her foul mood was practically palpable as she trudged upstairs and braced herself for a cheery welcome from her annoyingly positive mother. Like clockwork she popped her head out from behind her bedroom door as Emily approached the landing of the staircase.
"Hey honey! I didn't make dinner, but I can order something if you're hungry. I figured you probably ate while you were out and didn't feel the need to make anything special if it was just going to be me and your dad," she said cheerily.
"I'm fine, I already ate," came Emily's terse reply.
In truth, she hadn't eaten at all the entire day and didn't even care. Meth was the best meal, and it took away her appetite and kept her thin while giving her energy. As long as she remembered to stay hydrated, it was the best diet in the world as far as she was concerned.
"Okay, well, I'm sure you just want to relax in your room, so I'll leave you be. Let me know if you need anything," she replied before smiling and closing her door.
Emily was a little shocked that her normally very needy mother was suddenly ready to give her space, but she wasn't going to object to a good thing. Even though she'd chain-smoked the entire drive back she was already craving another cigarette, angry that she needed to wait until her father had gone to bed so she could sneak out back. There was something about being twacked-out that kicked her already intense nicotine addiction into overdrive. When she was binging, Emily could chain-smoke continuously for hours.
"Fuck it," she cursed to herself.
Emily grabbed a towel from her bathroom and rolled it up lengthwise, stuffing it under the bottom of the door to her bedroom as best she could. When she was satisfied, she opened her bedroom window and scooted the chair over to it from her vanity. Her window was her favorite part of her room, even more than the large, attached bathroom. It was huge and midway up the wall and opened by sliding the frame up. This meant that she could step out easily onto the roof for a sneaky getaway or just sit next to it with her legs out the window on a warm summer night--something she'd done since she was little.
Emily grabbed her pack of Camel's and her lighter and plopped down on her white vanity chair, kicking her feet out of the window, and letting them rest comfortably on the ledge. Darren had stopped to grab her a new pack on the way back to her house and she began to pack it. She tapped the pack expertly while her mouth practically salivated in anticipation. Once packed she tore off the cellophane and cracked the top back, exposing the orange filters of 20 fresh menthols. Tapping one out she raised the pack to her mouth and trapped it between her plump lips, pulling the pack away to allow the cigarette to dangle from her lips.
A click of the lighter and a quick singe followed by a strong application of suction and Emily's lungs were full of the thick, minty smoke once again. The competing mixture of cool menthol and warm smoke swirled heavily in her lungs, saturating them with the calming ecstasy of nicotine. She brought the cigarette back up to her lips, double pumping the smoke in her lungs and allowing it to trail down from her nostrils as another powerful drag filled her mouth again. A 'pop' of suction signified the need with which Emily inhaled the smoke and she languished a few moments, allowing her lungs to remain gloriously full. Finally, she pursed her lips in a tight kiss and expelled a tight stream of smoke out the open window and into the welcoming night air.
As Emily continued to enjoy her cigarette, she noticed someone peering at her from the second story bedroom window of the house next door. She knew pretty much everyone in their neighborhood, so immediately recognized it as Gerald. Gerald had lived next to her with his wife and two sons since she was in 4th or 5th grade. Both sons had moved out by now, one to university and the other to the marines. Gerald remained with his wife Tonya, both in their early 50's or so. They'd been family friends for over a decade, so she smiled at him and waved, only then realizing that she had a cigarette smoldering between her fingers.
Knowing that Gerald and her father were friends who spoke often, Emily panicked realizing that it was only going to be a matter of time before the subject of her smoking was discussed. It was far too late to try to hide it, so she smiled meekly at her neighbor and tried her best to communicate her pleas for discretion non-verbally. To her surprise, Gerald smiled back at her. It wasn't a polite, neighborly smile either, it was infused with a self-assuredness and satisfaction whose meaning Emily was having a hard time discerning. Her confusion must have shown on her face because Gerald motioned a 'come here' appeal with his left hand.
Apparently, she was going to have a chance to explain herself and hopefully plead for his understanding, but as she flicked the cigarette out the window and closed it, she pondered the strange smile she had seen on his face. Gerald had always been a sweet older man in her life, offering advice and encouragement almost like a sage neighborhood counselor. More than once she had expressed some of her frustrations about the expectations of her parents and the stress it placed on her, and he had always seemed so warm and understanding. Never in her life had she witnessed a glimpse of the wolfish man that had been smiling back at her a few moments ago and it unsettled her.
As Emily stepped quietly down the stairs, she chalked up her paranoia to the meth and made her way out the front door without anyone noticing. It took only a few moments to reach the large covered front porch, but before Emily reached the first step, she saw Gerald standing behind the glass pane of the front window motioning towards the back of the house. She looked to the left of the house to see the side gate to get to the rear of the house was left slightly ajar. She nodded at Gerald through the glass and made her way to the side of the house and through the gate of the backyard fence. Closing the gate behind her she had a flood of memories remembering family barbeques in this very backyard.
The light of the back porch flicked on, and she heard the soft click of the back door closing. She continued around the back of the house to the back porch where Gerald stood with a friendly smile. Gerald was a black man with a shaved head with the faint halo of silver hair tracing a crescent along the back and sides of his head. His beard was mostly white now and framed his angular face in a stately manner. He was tall and thin, but Emily noticed that he had developed a bit of a belly that hung a little over the elastic waistband of his shiny purple pajama pants.
He wore a white wife beater and an unclasped purple bathrobe that matched his pajama pants. His teeth gleamed white in the moonlight as he grinned widely at her approach. He didn't say anything right away, instead motioning for her to join him on the porch. He sat down on the hanging bench that overlooked the backyard and patted the spot next to him. This was something that they had done a dozen times over the years, usually when Emily was feeling stressed and anxious about school. Gerald had always offered keen insight and a wise and encouraging word for her then, and she fully anticipated him to try to guide her to making better decisions and quit smoking.
She just hoped she could placate him by readily agreeing in exchange for keeping what he saw to himself. She sat down next to him and took a deep breath, waiting for him to say something.
"I was surprised to see you home so soon, you're in school, aren't ya?" he opened.
"Um, yeah, I was, but I'm taking some time off. It was difficult being away from home and I needed to spend some time with family," she lied.
Gerald nodded silently, staring solemnly out over the large, fenced yard.
"You picked up a nasty habit while you were away," he commented.
Emily offered a self-deprecating grimace, nodding as if she were truly ashamed.
"Yeah, I've only had a few and it's only when I'm really stressed. That was my last one and I'm not going to buy another one, I'm so embarrassed you saw that," she continued to lie.
Gerald chuckled softly to himself before responding.
"I ever tell you that I used to smoke?" he asked.