For the next three days, things fell into a pattern of sorts. True to their words, Chance and Chase did nothing to keep her from her mother, not even for a single moment. While one of them was always close. Hovering almost should she need anything. They gave her as much privacy with Joy as they could. She spent hours just sitting next to her mother's bed reminiscing. She lost count of the times she said, "Remember the time, Mom..."
But her mother only lay there. Her chest rising and falling, sometimes gently and other times with visible, raspy effort. She thought she had cried all her tears out, but there always seemed to be more of them from somewhere.
It was not fair. Her mother had never done anything wrong. Never hurt anyone, just the opposite in fact. Whether it was the homeless man that hung out near the pier that Joy usually bought breakfast for at least once or twice a week or studio executives, who came to her regularly for her counsel, she was always there to help anyone in need. So, why her? Why did she have to die when she had barely begun to live?
"Mom, do you remember how upset you were a couple of years ago over your fiftieth birthday?" Katie felt the tears sliding down her cheeks once more as she leaned over and brushed what little bits of her hair that remained out of her mother's face. "You were so worried because you just did not feel old, you said."
"You spent weeks and months thinking about it. About all the things you still wanted to do with your life." She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her mother's cold forehead. "Then your birthday came, and we had the barbeque. Remember?"
"After everyone left, I was cleaning up, but you said to leave it. That there would be time the next day to clean up the mess. We went for a walk on the beach. We always went for walks on the beach when there was something important to say. We kicked off our shoes cause there was no one around and we just walked through the water up to our knees in silence for a long time."
"Then you turned to me, and I swear, Mom, you looked so damned young when you smiled. Remember what you told me? 'Age is just a number, Kaitlin. What is important is not how long you live, but how well you live.' "
Katie fought to push each word from her too-tight throat then, "You have lived well, Mommy. I'm going to miss you so much. All the things that mothers and daughters do together. Who is going to help me pick out my wedding dress, Mom? And who is going to come stay with me after that first baby is born, take care of me, and show me how to be the best mother in the whole damned world?"
She reached out and lifted those bruised hands, "Mommy, what am I going to do without you?"
Katie knew that she sounded like that five-year-old little girl, who had pleaded almost the exact same words on the first morning of kindergarten. But her mother had only smiled and shooed her off to play with the other children. Only many, many years later did her mother admit that she had never left the school that morning. That she had waited the whole time in the principal's reception area. Just in case.
"Do they have waiting areas in heaven, Mom? Will you hang out there all day too just in case I need you?"
"That's what she is doing now, princess," said the deep voice just behind her. Chase entered the room carrying a tray of food. He set it down on the nightstand next to the bed, "You need to eat something."
He picked up a washcloth from the tray and a bottle of water. He walked around and sat on the other side of the bed next to her mother. He tried to dribble a few drops of the water into Joy's mouth, but most of it ran down onto the cloth that he held by her chin. They still did such things, though Melody assured them that in addition to the pain medications, Joy was receiving all the nutrients she needed from the IVs that were constant now.
Katie picked up the sandwich and forced herself to take a bite. She would say it tasted like cardboard, but actually, it tasted like...nothing. That was how she felt, too - like nothing. Numb. Tasteless. Merely existing.
"How am I supposed to do it, Chase? How am I supposed just to let her go? I know it may sound ridiculous. I am a grown woman. I have a career that I love. My own car." She sighed, "But she is so much more than just the woman that gave birth to me. She's my best friend. She's the person I go to when I have a problem."
"Last year, there was this little girl in my class. I wasn't sure what was wrong, but I watched her change from this happy, bright, outgoing little person on that first day of school to this frightened, withdrawn thing that would burst into tears if I even called on her."
"I was at the end of my rope. I had talked with my principal, who told me that her parents were getting divorced, so that was probably what was wrong. I had spoken to the mother, but she seemed not even to care."
"It was almost the end of the year, and I worried about how she would adjust to a full day of school in first grade when she was barely making a half-day now. I talked to Mom...like always. She suggested that I keep her inside during recess for a few days. Just the two of us play and talk alone."
She smiled as she remembered, "She even made cookies for us. Remember how good Mom's chocolate chip cookies tasted? You know as many times as she has tried to teach me I can't seem to get it right. They never taste as good as hers do."
She pushed the next words out as more tears fell, "He was abusing her."
