Now You Are Part Of Me

Like many things in life, sometimes it's the things that we have become accustomed to on a day-to-day basis, that all of a sudden, something, or someone, opens your eyes to see. The eyes that had been blind to what had been staring you in the face for so many years.

And sometimes it takes one of 'life's misfortunes' to cement a growing and long-lasting relationship through seemingly divine intervention.

Just a note. Like all of my stories, it's a really slow build. So, hang in there.

Sara and I have always been really close. The fact that we were first cousins was never something that wasn't a big deal to us or our parents. We were born within a month of each other, with mine first. I often kidded her that I was older and wiser, but never really believed it. She was always two steps ahead of me. We often joked that our parents must have had a contest to see who get pregnant first.

But then there's something about that whole thing that you really don't want to think about. I mean, visualizing your parents messing around. Nope, not going there... ever.

From as early as I can remember, whenever our families would get together for a picnic, a holiday celebration, or a birthday, she'd always be by my side. Whenever there was a disagreement, she always stood alongside me and defended me. Guys in school knew that if anyone disrespected her in any way that they'd have to deal with me.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

We grew up in the 'corn belt' of the Midwest in the 70s in a small farming town. By 'small' I mean a town with a population of 4,000, give or take. The town had the usual small-town stores: two grocery stores and gas stations. The four taverns in town were the same, but different. Each with its own beer neon sign in the window: Pabst, Old Style, Schlitz. Well, you get the picture. I guess that you could say that it was kind of a 'redneck' town. But stuck out in the middle of corn fields what would you expect?

Besides my parents, I had a sister who was two years younger than I was. I guess now is a good time to introduce myself. I'm Jason. I would consider myself pretty average in everything. I didn't have an outgoing personality. I was the type of guy who would just blend in with the crowd.

My uncle's family had three girls: Sara, the oldest, Bonnie, and Elaine, the youngest. I didn't pay much attention to Sara as we grew up, it was like she was always just there as part of the family. But, when we were together she was my 'opposite' in the personality department. I guess it was that copper-colored hair that gave her a bit of fire in her personality. She could light up a room the moment that she entered. All she had to do was flash a smile and flash her hazel-green eyes.

We didn't live on a farm. but we were a ways out in the country. Our house was a modest ranch-style with three bedrooms that sat on five acres of towering oak, hickory, and black walnut trees. In the fall we would all go out and gather the fallen hickory and walnuts, dehusk them, and lay them all out on our basement floor to dry for a few months before cracking them open and picking out the 'nut meat'. It was tedious, but on a cold winter day, there was nothing else to do. But with all of us pitching in, it wasn't that big of a deal. For us, it was just a chance for the two families to get together and spend some time.

My cousins lived in a two-story house on the edge of town, within walking distance of the high school and about 15 minutes from where we lived. Both houses were built by our dads before they were married.

We were all pretty active as we grew up. With the forest of trees, we would build forts and with the help of our dads a nice treehouse about 15 feet above the floor of the forest. It would easily sleep four and was complete with a waterproof roof and openings for windows. It became Sara's and my refuge whenever we wanted to get away from everyone for some quiet 'alone' time, which we did pretty often. Just the two of us.

We did pretty well in school. In grade school and middle school, we were always in separate classes. Don't know why. It's just the way it was. Perhaps it was our parents' way of forcing us to meet and make friends outside of just being the two of us.

In High School, we shared a few classes whenever there was only one section offered, like chemistry, physics, and advanced literature. Other than that, we were in separate classes, probably for the same reason.

Sports were never our thing. For me, I just didn't have the natural athletic ability. For Sara, it was mostly her size. I mean, being only five foot four inches tall and weighing less than 100 pounds she was pretty small.

Even with all of that, we studied together. We competed against each other for grades. Whenever she beat me on a test or homework assignment, which was a fair amount of the time, she always held it up next to her grinning face.

Dating was something that we kind of dabbled in. It started with Sara.

It was the middle of our Junior year. During one of our study sessions, she stopped and looked over at me. Sensing her gaze, as I always did, I looked up. She had a bit of a 'worried' look. I don't know how else to describe it. Like she was afraid to tell me what was on her mind. That had never happened before. We had always been open and honest with each other.

"I've been asked to go the spring dance by Jack Hensel."

I knew Jack. He seemed like a decent kind of guy. But the fact that some guy had seen something in my cousin that I just kind of took for granted caused my gut to tighten a bit.

I guess I was pretty oblivious as to how beautiful my cousin had become almost overnight.

Her ginger-colored hair that she had been born with had turned a deep copper as she hit her teens. Her hazel-green eyes gave her an exotic look. Her skin was really sensitive to the sun, so she stayed pretty much covered up throughout the summer, keeping her complexion pretty 'freckle-free'. And then there were those little bumps on her chest that seemed to have magically appeared over the previous winter.

Then all of a sudden, there, in front of me was my beautiful cousin.

I was brought out of my thoughts by, "Jason, are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Looking at me with a grin. She knew me better than that.

"Liar."

We both laughed.

"I'm happy for you. You deserve to be asked to go. You'll have fun."

She blushed but added with a saddened voice.

"I know. Thing is, the guy who I really wanted to ask me doesn't even seem to know that I exist. I mean, he's friendly and everything, but that's about it."

"Have you tried to get his attention?"

"Every chance that I get."

"Then he must be dumber than a box of rocks."

She just gave me a warm smile.

In the end, she told me that the dance was fun. Adding that it was just a one-time thing. But it awakened something inside of me... my cousin was beautiful with a warm and caring personality. Things that I had taken for granted.

Perhaps I was the one, 'Dumber than a box of rocks'.

...................................................

We had turned 18 toward the end of the summer. Two birthday parties. I got a playful kiss to my cheek when we were out of sight from our parents.

With a grin, "I've always wanted to do that," followed by a kiss to my other cheek, before turning to rejoin the families.

I stood there, numb at what just happened. But as I replayed it in my head, a smile came to me. My cousin Sara had just kissed my cheek... both cheeks for the first time.

There was a Sadie Hawkins dance coming up at the end of November. I had gone the previous year with a girl from my Chemistry class, actually, she was my lab partner. It was fun and I was hoping to be asked this year, my Senior year.

One afternoon, the house was quiet. It was just me and my mom. I was sitting in front of the TV, just watching some college football game. She came in and sat in the chair next to me.

In her 'mom' voice, "Are you planning on going to the Sadie Hawkins dance, if some girl asks you?"

"If someone asks me, yeah, I'll go. It was fun last year. All casual and everything. I think I went out with her a few times afterward. We're still friends, but I think she's got interests in other places. Why?"

I could see her mulling over what was on her mind.

"What if Sara asked you?"

I think that I just looked back at her. I couldn't believe what she just asked.

"You mean like, Cousin Sara?"

"Yes."

I think the blood drained from my face, as I looked back at my mom like she had a 'third eye'.

"Why me? I mean, any guy in school would die to go with her. She's a beautiful girl."

"Yes she is," pausing, "She's had a crush on you since before Junior High. She thinks the world of you," another pause, "You never saw it, did you?"

Shaking my head, as words were difficult to come to me.

"Her mom and I have talked. Sara's afraid that you won't go if she asks you. She's afraid to ask because she doesn't want to be turned down because you're cousins, or made to look foolish in your eyes."

Suddenly, the light went on in the back of my thick brain. Our conversation after being asked to the Spring Dance by Jack about a guy who she wished would notice her, but who appeared to seem like she was invisible.

What if I did accept, then what? It would be really weird to be doing anything that resembled 'dating'. And probably something that the families would really frown on. But, what if we just got together for some casual times on occasion? Would that push the 'taboo boundary'?

Coming out of my haze, "What if I did accept, we go, have fun... then what? I mean, it's not going to be like we're dating or anything. Should I ask her to the next spring dance? Prom? Would her feelings be hurt if none of that happened? Because the last thing that I ever want to do is hurt her feelings?"

I could see my mom deep in thought.

"You've known each other all of your lives. You two have hung out together in your treehouse more times than I can count. You've even spent many nights there when you were younger. You're closer than just friends. Have you ever talked about how you feel about each other?"

"Not really. But, thinking back, Sara started talking about a guy that she liked, but he wasn't picking up on her interests. She said it was like she was invisible to him."

Looking at my mom, "She was talking about me. I never had thoughts like that. I mean, we're cousins. What's the point?"

"I know what you're saying. But it's OK to be close friends with your cousin. And if you're wondering about after the dance. Just follow what feels right. Do stuff together. Maybe not on a regular basis. Just do things. You don't really have to go anywhere. Maybe just hang out here, or at her house. Your aunt and uncle would be fine with all of that. They also know the closeness that you two share. It's a rare gift. Cherish it. Just don't hurt her."

..................................................

The dance was fun. Yes, we did get a few looks. We didn't care. When the first slow dance came up, I looked over at Sara, wondering. She returned my look with a warm smile. I had my answer.

We knew that we had to be careful about how close we danced. Our classmates were watching. So, I just put my hands on her waist, and she casually wrapped her hands around my neck as we kept a respectable distance between us.

It was toward the end of the evening. A slow romantic song was being played. We were off in a corner and kind of away from everyone. Sara wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her firm body into mine. It took me by surprise as I looked back at her.

Looking back through her soft hazel-green eyes, she whispered into my ear, "Hold me. Hold me tight. I don't care what others may think. I want this. I want to feel you close to me. I've wanted to feel you close to me forever."

So, that's what I did. My arms held her in our first warm embrace. I had to take a moment to look around, just to see if we were getting any looks. We weren't. Everybody else was too busy enjoying their dates. I relaxed. My embrace tightened. Sara shifted a bit. My god, her firm little breasts felt wonderful against my chest. I felt a brief warm kiss to my neck, and then it was gone. She snuggled in closer. My embrace tightened.

Neither of us wanted the song to end. This moment in time. OUR moment. Our eyes met. No words were spoken. None were needed. Our eyes said, 'Thank you' as something passed between us.

"Let's go," she whispered.

In the car as I headed toward her house after the dance, "Jason, I don't want to go home yet. I don't want tonight to end. Can you find a quiet spot?"

We had left about half an hour early, so I knew that we had some time before she was expected to be home.

One of the nice things about my parent's car was that it had bench seats. As soon as she got in, Sara scooted over to the center. Right next to me. So close I could catch the scent of her sweet perfume. So close that our thighs touched. I put my arm around her and she rested her head on my shoulder as I drove.

We rode in silence. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I mean, I had been on country roads after a date. I knew what we did. Was Sara, my dear cousin Sara, wanting to head in that direction?

Finding a quiet country road, I parked but kept the engine running just to keep warm.

There was a full moon that lit up the countryside. Looking over at her, I could see her face with a warm smile. Sara broke the silence.

"Jason, can I ask you something?"

"After all our time together, you should know that you can ask me anything."

"It's kind of personal, so if you don't feel like answering, then I understand."

"We've shared a lot of personal stuff over the years. Stuff that we would never share with anyone else. So, what would you like to ask?"

And we have. She told me when her mom bought her her first training bra. The day she had her first period, and how scared she was.

Looking down for a moment before raising her head to look at me with those dark eyes, "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

I just looked at her with the warmest smile that I could muster. I knew where this was going, and I was fine with it. But my heart was beating a hundred times a minute.

"Yes."

"More than once?"

"Yes."

Quiet. Our eyes never leaving each other as something, once again, passed between us. I don't know what or how to explain it, but something did. I felt it in my heart.

"Would you kiss me?... On the lips this time."

Even in the dim moonlight, I could see the smile, as I remembered the two cheek kisses that she had given me for my birthday.

Yes, I wanted to kiss her. I was 99% certain that she had never been kissed. I wanted her to remember her first kiss.

Kissing her forehead, as a sign of my care, our friendship, and that she was so special to me, before lightly brushing my lips across Sara's soft lips, so gentle like they were something fragile.

She let out a low and prolonged "mmmm", our embrace tightening into a warmth shared by each of us for the first time. A warmth that had been building all of our young lives. We just never knew it. Well, maybe that's not completely true... Sara knew... I was obviously oblivious... 'Dumb as a box of rocks'.

The embraces tightened. Our hands roamed over each other's backs. Sara pressed her young body into me as our lips sealed the unspoken connection between each of us. It would be a connection that we would each carry with us for the rest of our lives, no matter what path each of our lives would follow.

Pulling back, our faces inches apart, time stopped. Even in the light from the moon and the radio, Sara's eyes were soft and serene. And then there was the gentle smile.

"Thank you. It was more than I ever dreamed. You're going to make some girl very happy."

And that was that. We both realized that it was most likely a one-time thing.

It was difficult to act 'normal' around the rest of the family from that point on, but somehow we pulled it off. Still, every time we looked at each other, there was a shared and knowing look.

............................................

Time went on. We did stuff together. Over the winter, when our families would get together for an afternoon dinner, we would take quiet walks through the snow-covered trees as everyone else sat around and watched football. Once out of sight of everyone, our hands would find each other's.

The families were comfortable with our feelings for each other. Sara had a few dates here and there, and she would always share the details. I also had a few just 'fun dates'.

We went to our last Prom together.

Sara looked so elegant in her formal. It was strapless, leaving her creamy-white shoulders bare. The neckline was modest and just came across the upper swells of her little tangerine-sized breasts. Her deep copper-colored hair against her white shoulders gave her an exotic look. Her makeup made the green in her eyes the greenest that I've ever seen.

I couldn't help but smile at my 'date'... my cousin... my very dear and close cousin.

The Prom was fun. By this time, everybody was used to seeing us together. So much so that Sara told me that no other guy asked her to go to the Prom, as they already knew who she would be going with.

There was a local photographer there off in a separate room taking portraits. Even with the many photos that our parents had already taken, we wanted a special one. One that we could put on our desks.

We sat with our friends. Swapped out dance partners at times. But we kept the slow dances just for us.

As we approached her house at the end of the evening and saw that the porch light was on, I just drove by and parked a couple of doors away in the dark for a few minutes of 'alone time', before our special evening ended.

Even in the dim lighting from the distant street light, her face glowed.

"Thank you for tonight. I'll never forget it. I couldn't imagine spending my last Prom with any other guy."

"It was my pleasure. Any time that I can be with you and hold you is special."

Quiet.

"Jason... kiss me."

Our second kiss took us to a place that was reserved for lovers, at least in spirit. Sara's lips felt so soft, warm, and full. The feeling of her tongue against mine was like nothing that I had ever experienced. I felt my cock hardening in my tight briefs. For the first time in my life, I was having sexual feelings for Sara... my cousin. I had no idea what she was feeling. I knew that we couldn't go there. It would be a big mistake.

All too soon, our second kiss ended. No words were spoken. And once again, none were needed. Our hands came to each other's cheeks as our feelings for each other were silently shared.

And then I spoke four words that had been tucked deep inside me for all of my life. Words that I hoped and prayed would be received in the way that they were meant.

A kiss to her forehead.

"I love you Sara."

Even in the dim light, I could see the gentle smile as she first touched my cheek and then wiped away a tear.

"I love you too Jason. I have for all of my life. I was just afraid to say it. Afraid that you didn't feel the same. No matter what happens in our future, you will always have a special place in my heart."

And that was that. We each knew that we would be heading off to different colleges at the end of the summer. Sara was headed to the University of Iowa for nursing, and I was headed off to Iowa State University of Science and Technology for Mechanical Engineering. Even being around an hour and a half away by car, if we had a car, getting together would be sporadic. For the first couple of years, we would only see each other during the holidays, spring breaks, and over the summer.