Editor's Note: this story contains transgender/transsexual content.
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It was the start of the session with the psychiatrist. The silver haired woman with small framed reading glasses was already writing in her notebook. I admired her fashion choice of a smart, grey business skirt suit with a white blouse. Her simple black pumps were elegant and showed off promising legs as she sat crossed legged. She peered through her frames at her notes as she asked, "I'm glad you came back for a second session. Are you ready to really open up this time...Molly, is it?"
I wasn't used to anyone calling me by that name yet. It had only been a couple of weeks and to the rest of world I was still Marty. Molly was a name I decided on at the suggestion of my brother and his wife. I had said as little as possible to the therapist on my first visit to her the week previous. I was nervous and scared and it had only been a week since the football party at my brother Doug's restaurant. She wasn't ready to just write me a script for hormones and proceed with my transition paperwork without more details. I had thought simply showing up in a dress, wearing makeup and telling a little story about playing with dolls would be enough but it wasn't.
For my second visit, I again dressed the part. I wore a knee length black and white pokadot dress, beige nylons, and black four inch strappy stilettos. I had a black shrug sweater on as it was winter. I had a few bracelets on, a pearl necklace and pearl earrings for jewelry. As before, I wore makeup and had extensions in my already long blonde hair. I was slim and fit for a thirty-two year old man. My legs in particular looked great in nylons and high heels.
I answered the therapist after a long exhale. "Yes Doctor, I'll tell you whatever you want to know," I said eagerly. Inside I was worried about how much I needed to say.
She leaned forward and stared me in the eyes with her ocean blue eyes. "Your brother Doug is the one paying for everything you told me last week. That includes these sessions, the hormones, the breast augmentation surgery that want. Tell me more about your relationship with this brother Doug of yours. Start from the beginning and don't leave anything out. What you say in here with me, stays here. I am not here to judge you, just to understand you," she said.
That was what I was afraid of. I realized that I had to spill it all out. She would know if I was holding back. I wouldn't get anywhere without telling the whole story. I sighed long and deep. Then I started, "As I told you last week, I was the third child of four. I have two older brothers, David and Douglas. Each of us was a year apart. I was the third boy, Marty. A year younger than me was our one sister Janine. Surprisingly, our birthdays all fell in the same month."
I continued, "When we were all young, I realized that something was odd about us. While my oldest brother David resembled my father very much, the rest of us didn't. David had my father's pasty complexion, with some freckles and chestnut colour hair and the same pale blue eyes. He even had my dad's pug shaped nose. My mother had light brown hair and a fair complexion too but had green eyes. Doug looked quite different though. He had a swarthier complexion, with brown eyes and black hair. He didn't look like either of my parents. In fact he looked a lot like the Greek neighbours from across the street, the Kyprios family. Mister Kyprios was a friendly man and often said hello to our Mom. Sometime he brought candy but he usually just made time for Doug. He was nicest to Doug for some reason.
Then I came along and had white blonde hair and hazel eyes with a fair complexion. My sister Janine was similar to me, same hair, eyes and skin. Oddly enough, the neighbours next door, the Shultz's were all very blonde too. Mister Shultz had hazel eyes as well. Mister Shultz was a television repair man and came over often when my dad was at work to fix our TV. It seemed to break down a lot, according to my mother. Whenever Mister Shultz came over to fix it, Mom sent us kids outside to play so he wouldn't be disturbed while he worked.
About two years after Janine was born, my parents spit up. Mom ran off with a rock musician leaving us with our Dad. Shortly after that he met a woman from church, Tracy who became our step-mom a year after that. Our real mother, Chloe, didn't fight too much in the divorce settlement. She was busted cold for cheating on my Dad. She also was living a wild life, partying and hopping from guy to guy. Most were musicians. We would get to visit her just once a month."
Doctor Carter paused and interrupted me. "You haven't told me anything new yet Molly. I know there's more. Just let it out," she instructed.
I knew too. I sighed again and continued. "Growing up, I was closer to my sister Janine. I used to play with her instead of my older brothers. She had the dolls and I enjoyed playing house, dolls, and other girly games with her. That bothered my step mother Tracy. She got mad one day when she walked in on us playing dress up. I was wearing a dress and had lipstick on. Tracy scolded me, scrubbed my face roughly over the sink and made me take a hot shower. After that she forced me to play with my older brothers.
Janine was the only girl so Tracy began sending her next door to the Schultz house because they had three daughters and no boys. It was strange how much Janine looked like the neighbour girls with the same blonde hair, hazel eyes and over all appearance. She fit right in with them.
For me, I had to learn how to be a boy. My brothers taught me how to play hockey, wrestle, build things, break things and cause general trouble. Even though David was the eldest, it was Doug who was the natural leader. Doug usually decided what we would do and always had the plans and schemes that got us into trouble.
