Everyone takes time to catch their breath. There is very little action in this chapter. If you're primarily interested in how they put their bodies together, skip this chapter.
Thanks to LarryInSeattle for his editing assistance.
*****
Muriel had told us to beat it, to go back to our own place, but I don't have the energy for the effort, not yet. I wonder what time it is. When I left to come over here, Jill and Jim were having sandwiches. Most days that would imply it was close to noon. But lately, no day has qualified as 'most days'. Most days my father and I don't suck and fuck each other. Most days I don't fuck my little sister. No, we are definitely out of the realm of the ordinary.
I stretch out on the bed. Mark stretches out beside me. I don't really think about it; I'm not trying to start anything or piss him off. I roll over and lie with my head on his chest. His arm goes around my shoulder. I like the way it feels.
"Brah, you sure I'm not gay?" he whispers.
"Yes."
"But I like it when Muriel stuck her finger in my ass," he insists.
"I told you, 'big deal'. Most guys would enjoy having their prostate massaged if they weren't terrified of being called gay. Relax."
"Uh, yeah, but, I mean I liked the little bit that we did."
I hear the worry in his voice. It irritates me but only a little. It's a weird role reversal. Mark is my big brother. He's only a couple years older but still, he's my big brother. I should be asking him for reassurance, for advice.
"Dude, I know I'm gay and I didn't just like fucking Jill; I loved fucking Jill. Does that make me straight? No. People aren't simplistic circuit boards with a switch either 'off' or 'on', at least not most of us. You're straight, trust me, but if you were stuck on a ship for months on end, or in jail, like a lot of dudes, you'd probably get horny enough to take what you can get. As soon as you have the option of being with a woman, bam, there goes your gayness. Fucking relax already."
"What about Jill? What about me?" Mark's voice is strained. "I have access to women, you have access to men. So, what's up with me getting all hard watching you or you loving to fuck Jill, who isn't just a woman, brah, she's our sister. Jesus."
I feel his body tense beneath my cheek. I risk rubbing his chest and belly. I keep my hand well away from his cock.
"I don't know, big brother. That's the truth. I love you. I love Jill. I know that's a different kind of love than I feel for Jim. Fuck dude, it's a different kind of love than I feel for our pater and mater. I've never felt sexual desire for Jill, never, not until the last few days. I never wanted to suck dad off or be fucked by him. I've always loved, and envied, the way you look and your cock but I didn't spend my time fantasizing about having sex with you.
"This weekend the whole fucking world turned upside down. There was just so much sexual energy and tension in the air. I felt like I'd shuffled my stocking feet across a mile-long carpet, every hair was standing up and I knew that when someone got close enough - anyone, BAM, we'd both be in for a helluva jolt.
"And then, when we walked out back the other day and you were naked in the pool, Jesus. I swear dude, I knew you were naked before I got near the pool. I knew, with total fucking certainty you'd been jerking off. I swear man, I could smell your jizz in the air. And for the first time ever, I thought, 'I wished I could have watched' and then 'I wish I could have jerked it for him, then 'sucked it' then 'had it in my ass'. Dude, I completely fucking lost it. Inside my head I was seeing you naked, Jim naked, I was sucking both of you, fucking both of you, getting fucked by both of you. Jim? Fuck, dude, you must know by now he was in my head a lot, but not you. Not until that afternoon.
"It just snowballed from there. It's a shit analogy but if I stick with the circuit board idea, it was like there was just too much current for our brains and cocks and pussies and libidos to keep channeled. It was a total shit storm of sexual energy that no surge protector in the world could handle."
Mark didn't say anything while I spoke. He wasn't a big one for interrupting anyway. He was quiet for long enough I was afraid he was sliding back into that dark place in his head that sent him running over here in the first place.
***
I pay attention to Bill. My little brother is fucking sharp, man. His head is on tight and he keeps his shit in order, most of the time anyway. His hand on my chest and belly feels nice. I realize that acknowledging it feels nice doesn't seem to be freaking me out. Bill is being careful not to let his hand go very low. Shortly after, I realize not only that I don't care that his hand feels nice but that I
want
his hand to go lower.
"I don't think it's such a shitty analogy," I tell him, pulling my thoughts away from the feel of his hand. "It makes as much sense as anything else."
Bill is laying partly on my chest and partly on my right arm. I shift slightly, freeing my arm. It circles behind him and I pull him closer. Now his head rests entirely on my chest. I let my fingers roam over his back and, with my arm fully extended, my fingertips brush the top of his ass crack.
"Bill?"
"Hmm?" he murmurs, half asleep on my chest.
"I want to feel you inside me, not right now but sometime, sometime before all this craziness has to stop."
His hand drops over my dick. It feels nice there. He raises his head to look at me. "Okay, that makes you gay," he says with a straight face. He laughs before I can comment. When he speaks again it's clear he's not fucking with me.
"You understand that, too? he whispers. "That it has to stop. As great as it is, it has to stop, right?"
"Yeah," I agree. "I can't see how it can continue, not and have a normal life. I mean, what the fuck, we all going to move back home, go to work, come home and fuck whoever? No, brah. It'll have to end."
Bill lets his hand rest atop my dick. It's half-hard, half-soft but it doesn't matter. He's not trying to get me off. He's not trying to stroke it. It feels good, just resting there.
I'm filled with an overwhelming sense of closeness. I've always loved my brother but I haven't always felt close to him. I roll to face him, cup his cheek with my free hand, and kiss him; kiss my brother. It's not a Euro style man-to-man kiss. I kiss him like I would kiss any other lover. It's a long kiss. I feel my dick move more toward the fully hard side of the equation but I'm not interested in getting off. Not now. I pull away.
"You think Jill will understand?" I ask. He understands Jill better than I do. "I'm not sure she does. She has this irritating habit of thinking if she likes something it has to be fine and will always be fine and 'gee, what's the problem' attitude. I'm afraid she's in for a big letdown. Or blow up."
Bill nods. "I'm not sure that she gets that either. I know what you mean. It worries me, too. She's really never had to deal with anything hard. She thinks she's tough. She might be. I don't know. Problem is, neither does she. Bigger problem is she doesn't know that she doesn't know. Someday, some serious shit storm is gonna hit her. She'll either discover she's tough. Or she'll fall apart. I'm not sure there's anything we can do about it."
I nod and scoot off the bed.
"Come on, little bro, Muriel's right, as usual. We should head home. See if everyone is all smiles or if the place is covered in blood with dead bodies all over."
Bill stands and stretches. He lets out a deafening groan-slash-moan. That's probably why I didn't hear Muriel coming down the hall. He lowers his arm as his whole body shudders. I wait until I have his attention. I have to tell someone.
"Brah, I think I'm falling in love with Muriel."
He doesn't answer. His eyes dart past my shoulder. I know, before I bother to turn, that Muriel will be standing in the door.
***
I am not about to cry. Oh, I want to bad enough but I learned long ago giving in to what you want is not always best. I can think of two or three reasons to give in to a good bawl but not now.
I smile at Mark, pat his cheek and give him a quick kiss. Then I do the same for Bill. Mark looks like he's going to be sick. Bill looks sad. I know how they both feel.
"Go on, you two - get, see what that hellion of a sister of yours is up to. Don't let her pick on your momma. I love Jill as much as you lunk heads but that doesn't mean I won't get on her if she upsets your momma." I start to turn away and pause. "Jim, too. He's awfully helpless when it comes to Jill. She's a smart girl, not a mean bone in her that I've ever seen, but she can be a little head-strong at times. Poor Jim might not have a handle yet on dealing with her. Oh, and your daddy. Well, hell's bells, don't let her run over the two of you either - or me." I flap a hand at them to shoo, seems the safest course since I can't seem to stop my mouth from running away with itself.
I head back down the hall toward the kitchen. My little hallway seems to stretch on forever. I walk, not thinking, and round the counter into the kitchen to refill my coffee cup. When I turn around, Bill is standing in the entrance to my little galley kitchen. Mark is behind him, looking a little less pale.
