I looked over at my watch as I stepped out of the shower. "Darn it," I said to no one in particular, "I'm going to be late."
I had mistimed my morning routine because my sister was back home from college and I hadn't taken into account the extra person needing the bathroom. We had two in the house - our parents', whose bedroom was on the second floor along with another bedroom that was used as an office, and the one on the first floor that was shared by the two bedrooms occupied by me and my sister, Ashley.
I was running a little late for church - the first time our whole family would attend mass together since Ashley had been home for Christmas exodus.
"Michael, you have 15 minutes," my mother said from the other side of the bathroom door.
"I'll be ready," I said, looking again at my watch and hoping I wouldn't be made a lier.
I wasn't. We got to mass just in time. I always enjoyed going to church with my family and in the fellowship of our community. But more than that, we (my family, I mean) took the teachings of the Gospel seriously. We tried our best to follow the teachings of our Savior and the tenets of the Catholic Church. I have to admit though, no human is perfect, and that certainly includes me. Sometimes, late at night as I fell asleep, I would have a fleeting thought about my girlfriend, Tanya, that was...less than chaste. Of course I would never act on such thoughts but I am human after all! Whenever I did think about doing anything with Tanya other than the quick kiss on the lips that we often did when greeting each other or saying goodbye, I would pray and ask God for his forgiveness and strength. As a servant of God, I was saving myself for my future wife, whomever that may be. The church teaches not to do such things that will arouse desire; those acts - French kissing, touching private parts, and of course sex - are reserved for married couples.
Tanya made it difficult to always keep my thoughts pure. She was very pretty, with shoulder-length blonde hair, large blue eyes, and a very handsome figure. We had been together for six months, and I enjoyed being with her. Sometimes I would catch a glimpse of her, especially when she dressed up for church, and become aroused. I knew it happened sometimes but I always felt ashamed of thinking of her as an object of desire. In those instances when I got an erection from looking at my girlfriend, I would go to confession within the next day and confess my sin to God in the presence of my priest. It always made me feel better to get it off my chest.
As you can probably tell, our small South Carolinian town is very conservative. Growing up, I didn't think much of it; everyone in our neighborhood and most everyone in town was religious - whether they be Catholic or Baptist or whatever. We lived our lives a certain way and that way was to honor our family, be chaste, and save yourself for the one you will spend your life with in service to God.
As we sat down in our usual pew, I looked over to where Tanya and her family normally sat. Our eyes met and I returned her smile. Ashley, who was sitting next to me, followed my eyes to Tanya and then looked back at me with a smile.
"Girlfriend?"
I nodded.
"She's pretty. How long have you been dating?"
"About six months," I replied.
"Six months," she said, with a surprised tone, "My little brother's growing up," she said teasingly.
At that, the service began and thoughts of Tanya or anything else moved to the background.
The following Friday, we uncovered and cleaned our in-ground pool that we had had since I was seven and Ashley was eight. We learned to swim in that pool and had our friends over almost every summer day. The main rule at our house, which never needed to be spoken because of the conservative neighborhood we lived in, was that all females - kids and parents alike - wore one-piece bathing suits. No midriffs and certainly no bikinis allowed. Likewise, males wore large bathing suits like board shorts.
The next morning, our parents went out with our neighbors for lunch and to visit the museum. Ashley and I stayed back. I planned on asking Tanya if she wanted to go see a movie. Borrowing my mother's car, I was about halfway to her house when she called my cell and said she had to cancel; so I turned around and went back to the house. An afternoon lounging around the pool would have to suffice.
When I got back to the house, I changed into my bathing suit and went out to the pool where I assumed I would find my sister. I most certainly did. Ashley was obviously expecting to be alone for a few hours. What I saw shocked me to my core; the image forever burned in my brain. My sister was lying on one of the lounge chairs facing away from the house towards the pool. Ashley was wearing a white bikini that barely covered her tanned body. Her skin glistened with perspiration, giving it a soft glow. Before I knew what I was doing, my eyes followed her toned legs up and over her exposed midriff to her large chest, which was barely contained by her bikini top. I was appalled - by my sister for blatantly wearing provocative clothing that was prohibited by our parents, and by my own weakness. I couldn't believe I allowed my eyes to linger over my own sister's scantily-clad body. Once I got a hold my faculties, I turned around, went back into the house and changed, then went for a drive to clear my head.
That night after we all watched a movie together, our parents went upstairs to retire for the evening and Ashley and I went to our bedrooms. At one point in the night, I woke up and looked over at my clock - 12:36. As I closed my eyes and settled back into the bed, something caught my ear. I closed my eyes to focus. There was the beat of my own heart and, coming from the room next door to mine - my sister's room - a faint moan. It was sporadic but it was undeniable. My immediate thought was that Ashley was having a bad dream. I was about to go to her room and wake her when I heard a more pronounced moan - this time, it was clear that if she was having a dream, it wasn't a nightmare.
I couldn't help but bring my head closer to the wall. Our beds were against the same wall, making it easy for me to hear what was going on in her room. Growing up, I could always hear her and her friends talking into the night when they had sleepovers; it always drove me nuts because they kept me up all night. Now, I listened intently, trying to make sense of the obvious noises of pleasure coming from my sister's room.
"God, I hope she's just dreaming," I whispered to myself.
Masturbation or any kind of self-pleasure was obviously forbidden and something I had never done. As far as I knew, neither had my sister. But as her moans became more rhythmic, I had a sinking feeling that she was not dreaming at all. Despite my dismay, I couldn't keep myself from listening, and as I did, the image of a bikini-clad body entered my mind. I tried not to, but I couldn't help but picture that same scantily clad woman touching herself, her hand disappearing under the wet fabric of her bikini bottom. Before I knew it, I had a raging hard-on that tented my pajama bottoms.
Steeling myself, I got up from my bed, went down the hall to the bathroom, and splashed cold water on my face. Then, having regained my self-control, I went back to my room, kneeled at the side of my bed, and asked God to forgive me.
The next morning, I was the last one up. My parents and Ashley were in the kitchen having breakfast.
"Good morning, sleepy head," my mother said. "I was about to call the cavalry; we have to get ready for church soon."
"Sorry," I replied, "I didn't sleep too well."
"Everything alright?" she asked.
"I'm fine. Just one of those nights."
"I slept like a baby," Ashley said. "Although I think I did hear you get up at one point," she said, looking over at me with a questioning look on her face.
I tried not to blush. "Yeah, I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night."
That afternoon, Tanya and I hung out at the local park. We talked about our relationship and the future - as in September when I was going to be attending the same school as my sister, the University of South Carolina, and Tanya was going to the University of Virginia. Should we keep seeing each other? Did we want to try a long distance relationship? We decided we would make a decision in August before we left for our respective schools.
It was a few nights later when, having been in bed for over an hour, I began to hear that same, rhythmic moaning coming from my sister's bedroom. It was soft but it was very clear. I tried to block it out; I tried to not imagine my sister's half-naked body by the pool. The voluptuous body remained burned in my mind as I listened to the unmistakable sounds of my sister masturbating just a couple feet from where I lay. I was both disgusted and aroused at the same time - a product of the sins of the body that I needed to combat with all of my willpower.
