It was close to midnight and I was sitting on the porch drinking some water. Nightmares had woken me for the third time that week and I knew if I stayed in bed, I'd wake Lisa up. I heard footsteps behind me, I looked round expecting Lisa but it was Mom. She was wearing her robe.
"You know, if you just sat in the kitchen, I wouldn't know you're out here. Your Dad has the doors set to send him an alert when they're opened. He figured it was you again," she said as she sat next to me.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake anyone else," I replied.
"Nightmares again?"
"Yes. I can never get back to sleep after them."
"Are you still feeling guilty about what happened?"
"Not what happened, Mom, what I did. I killed 3, maybe more, human beings. I know you all say I didn't have a choice but it doesn't make it easier."
"Feeling that way makes you who you are, Son. I watched the same group of assholes just executing innocent people then going about their lives. No remorse, no care for who they just killed. The war took so many people and those of us that are left, have to elevate the good in human kind and step on those who don't care about life," said Dad. I didn't hear him come out.
"I'm thankful to be alive, I know Lisa would be sad without me. I just keep seeing their faces as my rounds hit them," I replied.
"So, just think of Lisa's face and the way you make her smile. You love her a lot, don't you?" said Mom.
"Very much. I'll be okay, I'm sorry I woke you both," I said.
"Well, Lisa will be wondering where you are. Go wake her up with soft kisses, remind yourself how lucky you are."
I managed to get some sleep when I went back to bed, Lisa cuddled into me and kissed me. I held her close and listening to her breathing sent me off to sleep. After chores the next day, Dad came to me with a rifle and our field kits.
"Come, you and I are going on patrol for a couple of hours. I want to see if there's any trace of our friends and make sure our sensors are still okay," he said.
"Okay," I replied.
"You can fuck him when we come back, Lisa. Couple hours at most," said Dad, noticing Lisa's sad face.
Forty minutes later, Dad and I were walking outside our compound having checked a few sensors. He talked about his time in Special Forces, the things he'd done. Pretty much all of it made what we'd done seem tame. I knew why he was telling me though.
"Your Mom took a lot of classes to help me get through all the bad times. I'll have her work with you. I know we're supposed to be big strong men that don't shed a tear but it's allowed. We're human and we can still be strong to protect our family and allow ourselves to have emotions too," he said as we walked.
"Lisa was saying the same thing, she holds me if I wake her up too," I replied.
"You know, I'm glad you two have each other the way you do. I can't imagine how frustrated you'd both be if you still fought the way you used to at home."
"I think Mom had it right about me, I'd have been out every day spanking it in the woods," I said with a laugh.
"Hold."
Dad was laughing with me but we heard something and we froze. He had me take cover with him and we waited as 2 men on horses approached. They were dressed like Rangers but we had to be sure.
"Don't move, identify yourself," said Dad as they got closer.
"Easy there, I'm Captain Connors, to my right is Sgt. Barnes, Texas Rangers," said the lead man.
"Who's your Chief?"
"That would be Chief Decker."
Dad signaled to me that it was safe and we stepped out with our weapons slung on our backs.
"Sorry, Officers, we've seen trouble and have to be cautious," said Dad.
"No fucking way, Steve Black?" said the Sgt.
"I wondered if it was you, good to see you again."
"Sir, he's a good man, we did some cross training back in the day, counter terrorism wasn't it?" said Barnes.
"Right, you bought the old Miller place," said the Captain.
"Yes, Sir. What brings you guys out this way?"
"Manhunt. Well, woman hunt. One of the prisons that got overrun let a few loose we'd rather stayed inside. Real nasty bitch called Maya Chavez, have you seen any strangers come by this way?"
"I can show you where she's buried. She came to us with a gunshot wound to the abdomen, had us fooled thinking she'd escaped some militia but she was a scout. I used to be good at reading people but I must be getting old."
"Don't take it personally, she was a master manipulator. Killed 9 men before the war then another 3 guards inside. Do you mind showing us so we can verify?"
"You have a map, is not somewhere I want to take him again."
"You buried her yourself? You the one killed her too?"
"Yes Sir."
The Captain looked at Barnes who just nodded.
"If Barnes is vouching for you, I'll take your word. Were there others?" he asked.
