Chapter 15: Stuffed Mouse
The hash browns scatted about the frying pan, running away from the swift movements of the spatula that Sunday morning. With a few careful movements, Rebecca herded the hash browns back into a neat and ordered grouping once again. Again and again Rebecca stirred the hash browns and tended to the breakfast, lost in her own thoughts as she did so. The scattering and reorganizing of the hash browns echoed the scattering and reorganizing of her own life. She was still troubled over the events of the past four days since arriving at Sir's house Tuesday night.
Rebecca knew who she was and what to expect from life at least that was true . . . before the pregnancy . . . before Heather's . . . before the dark urges surfaced. Yet as Rebecca looked back on her life with an honest and open mind she could see that "Submission" had always been a part of her life, it had been simply re-labelled. Rebecca had always accepted the church's time honoured view of marriage and the roles that a husband and wife were to take in it. Even as a child and teenager, she always did what she was told, looking to her parents for guidance and approval.
As far back as Rebecca can remember she always had a male authority figure watching over her. Primarily it had been her father, with her mother stepping in when her father wasn't around, but always the orders and direction originated from her Father. Then there were the priests in the church, shepherding her in the ways of God. Finally there was Harold, her husband, who was the man and therefore the head of the family, his word was final. They would talk things over but once Harold made up his mind, that was it, that was what they would do.
Rebecca never questioned the order of things and always felt happy, content, protected, knowing that there was someone watching over her, guiding her. As Rebecca flipped the bacon she realized that all her life she had been a good submissive and never given it another thought. Domination and submission was all fine and good, as long as it was done within confines of the church and she was leading the life of a good and God-fearing woman.
It wasn't until the "dark urges" started that her submissive side had caused her any pain. Looking back, Rebecca could see that early in her marriage, as she and her husband explored sex, that her desire to submit in the bedroom started to surface. Rebecca had been a good little catholic girl and saved her virginity for marriage, just like she had been ordered to by the church and her father.
In the throws of the early passion and eagerness for sex Rebecca found her desire to be controlled came out. It started when Harold came home really turned on and came at her with loving force. In his passion and eagerness he never asked Rebecca if she was equally ready, willing or even wanted sex. Before she knew it, she was on her back on the living room floor with her legs in the air. At first she was angry with Harold for not thinking about her at all and had decided to give him a stern talking to when the sex was over.
As she brooded over being simply taken, and used for her husband's pleasure, it sparked. That was it, that was the origin of the "dark urges," as Rebecca called them. The thoughts of being taken and used for someone else's pleasure without a single thought or consideration given to her own wants, desires or needs excited her no end. Rebecca didn't understand why being taken, and used turned her on so much but she was left with the fact that it did.
As a result, Rebecca would live for the times when Harold would get aggressive and take her, but as time wore on, Harold's aggressiveness petered out. Rebecca tried to spark his encouragement by dressing in the ways he liked and a few times it worked. After being rebuffed one time too many, Rebecca never dressed provocatively for Harold of her own accord again, when she did, it was when she was told to.
Even though Rebecca was happy taking care of her family and serving her husband, the added kick of the sexual element left her wanting more. With Rebecca feeling unsatisfied with the regular aspects of sex, her own mind churned away in the background. At nights and in the quiet moments of the day Rebecca found herself dreaming up ways to be: used, taken, humiliated and serve her husband in the most objectified sense. She was shocked and disturbed by these dark impulses and never could bring herself to openly talk to Harold about such things. After one failed conversation during sex to get Harold to take charge more, Rebecca never brought up the subject again.
Rebecca found out about Heather's as she shopped online for a simple vibrator, for her own personal use. A banner add on the website drew Rebecca's attention; it was an advertisement for Heather's. Rebecca looked at Heather's site quite a few times before she decided to check it out in person. After a talk with Heather and a week of sleepless nights she decided to explore these dark urges in order to get rid of them.
For the first while, it worked, her dark impulses were confined to that one day a week when she went to Heather's. For the rest of the week, she could focus on and be happy in her good and wholesome life. For the weeks she skipped Heather's she discovered that for the next week she was consumed with sinful thoughts and dark impulses. After six months it became clear that she was hooked, unable to go back to her life before BDSM, yet unable to talk to her husband about fulfilling that need in her life.
Rebecca's true dilemma didn't happen until eight months ago, it wasn't until Sir that everything truly changed. She liked him, even when she first met him she liked him and wanted to serve him. The time that they had spent together had sustained her for the past eight months. As a result of Owen, she could not distance herself from her BDSM life; she had to admit that SHE wanted to serve him. No longer could she say that her "dark urges" were in control "Possessing" her like a demon.
That was the beginning of the end of her marriage and happy life. Even as she was feeling complete and more turned on in her life, Owen was planting his seed within her. That first meeting changed her life and even though she never admitted it, Owen, her "Sir," as she still saw him had become the focal point of her life.
Rebecca was able to convince Harold that the child was his and that she was a good woman. Yet even as she was doing it, she knew it was an act which one day would come crashing down around her. It did, but not in the way she expected and as a result she was in the situation she was in. Rebecca was a divorced and disgraced woman, carrying an adulterous child of the man she had ruined her marriage for. Even all that did not really disturb her, these events were not the cause of her current troubled thoughts.
What really troubled Rebecca wasn't how strange and alien things seemed while living in amongst this unique family, but rather how much at home she felt. Rebecca resisted the urge to give in and become one of them, but the pull to do so was strong. A part of her looked jealously at the Slave-Collars that all the women in the house wore and she felt left out for not wearing one herself. Many a time Rebecca found herself staring at the "Property of Owen Thompson" tag on one of the Slave-Collars and had to fight the urge to tear the collar off the woman who wore it.
As if that wasn't bad enough, the way the family was structured and behaved not only made sense to Rebecca, but she had to admit felt familiar. There was a foreign and familiar sense to this family that seemed to be the perfect mix of good family values and Domination and Submission. Rebecca was envious of the fact that each of these four women were able to serve their "husband" in a way that Rebecca had always wanted to serve Harold. In retrospect, if she and Harold had been able to explore Domination and Submission together, they would probably still be happily married.
