I promised to tell you all about what I referred to as the 'dim, distant future', didn't I? Well that future is now part of my past and I'm thinking that it was a good promise to make. I need to tell you what happened after Ben and I got home, and maybe to try a bit more to explain where that right versus wrong balance was heading.
I didn't regret what had happened in that dark alleyway, even though it had all gone to a far more extreme place than I had been expecting. I didn't regret the actions Ben and I had taken - either in the alley or before and afterwards in bed. Or the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, the hallway... well, you get the drift.
But there was one tiny thing that was bugging me on the hurried trip back from the hotel - a 'wrong' that I was already beginning to regret promising my son. Before that wild night in the alleyway I had somehow agreed to play out a fantasy for Ben in return for his play-acting on my behalf. I'd agreed that his good friend Tim would get to see me topless. That wasn't too much of a price to pay for my own fantasy fulfilment even if it was so out of character for me (no, really), and I was almost certain that I could make everything seem like an accident. But then... somehow I'd used the repayment offer to take things further with Ben and my dream - and extended the offer. I'd agreed to let his friend see everything.
After all that had happened with my son (especially in the alleyway) I guess it sounds odd that something like exposure to his friend would begin to trouble me so much, but I swear on all I hold dear that I have always been naturally shy. The fantasy play-out was a long way from home and very much in the dark. No one who had witnessed anything would have ever been able to pick me out of a line-up but Tim knew me, had known me for years. I started to fret seriously even as Ben and I made our way home from the hotel. Once we were safely back at our house, I just had to raise the worry.
"Ben, angel, are you... well, are you sure you want me to... well, you know, kind of bare things for Tim?"
My son, who had been reading something on his phone, looked up at me with a smile that I can only describe as something close to a leer. "Ma, I'm totally sure. You're not trying to back out are you? I mean you're the one who's always told me a deal is a deal."
"Well, yes..." Trust my Ben to use my own words against me, "But what if he tells someone or something?"
"Don't worry about that sort of thing. For a start we can make it look like a pure accident and in any case I'll tell him never to breathe a word."
"You trust him that much, Ben?"
"Totally, ma. So stop fretting and start planning, okay?"
I looked levelly at my son, "This is a really big deal for me, you understand?"
"So was what I did for you, ma. I just want what's fair and it's not like anything much is going to happen, is it?" He paused and gave me his trademark grin, "Other than the fact that I will be even more eager to make love to you."
I snorted a laugh despite my worries, "Like you need any encouragement to get inside your very own mother."
"Like you ever refuse me."
"You think you'll really get an extra buzz from Tim seeing me like that?"
"Ma," Ben sighed, standing and crossing to me, "Just the thought of you baring these," he squeezed my breasts through my top, "and this beautifully styled pussy," his hand slid easily up my skirt to its target, "make my cock so hard."
"I don't believe you," I managed. "Show me."
Let me tell you - Ben might have next stripped and made love to me, but for me it was a fuck, pure and simple. Or rather, pure and complex.
It still felt so wild and so wrong and yet so right. Even when my son was sated, asleep on my bare shoulder, even with a pussy full of his juices, I couldn't help but think that the sex was just a distraction for me. Oh, I could let my very own son have access to every part of me in the most intimate of ways, but baring my flesh to his friend? That was beginning to scare me rigid.
Two days and somewhere around ten fucks/love-making sessions later, Ben had to return to his temporary job and I was left to catch up on some much-needed rest in a quiet, empty house. Which also meant that I was alone to fret and worry.
I knew I had made the promise and I was no welcher, but exposure to Tim? I'd known him as a toddler all the way through his tormented teens until he shared eighteenth birthday celebrations with my own son - and held his long hair out of his face when he threw up as a result of their sneaked beers. Letting him see me topless, let alone fully naked, just seemed so terribly wrong to me.
The scales in the 'rights and wrongs' debate were tilting alarmingly for what was, I knew, such a relatively (no pun intended) little thing, and yet... What if this was a sign of where things might escalate to? What if by letting my son have his way with me - okay, letting us give in to our mutual passions - was just a starting point on a road to real depravity?
Strangers seeing me - touching me, even - was one thing, one fantasy I had now lived out, but Tim was known so well to me. What if Ben began to want more of me? Sure, there were only just about five months before he had to move away but things were already happening so fast... Perhaps I should simply call a halt to everything right now?
But I knew even as the thought clattered through my messy mind, that I simply couldn't stop things just yet. The sudden wetness I felt when I thought of how Ben felt inside me told me more than I even needed to know. The balance still tilted to 'right', no matter what anyone might think.
All I had to do was fulfil Ben's pretty harmless fantasy. I just needed a good plan.
"I'm going to do it," I told my son as soon as he returned home that night.
"Er, good? What are you talking about exactly? Letting me through the front door maybe?"
"Sorry," I stood back to let him inside, "I mean I have a plan for that Tim thing."
Ben paused as he shrugged his jacket off, "Oh, right. I knew you'd think of something pretty quickly. After all, I know you're as good as your promise."
