Ma had just retired to her room when Rudra and I came to ours. The moment we were out of sight Rudra put his arm around my waist crushing me to him. He slipped his hand between my legs roughly pushing his finger into my wetness.
"Umhh," I bit into my lip. I turned in his arms to kiss him. Our lips sucked hungrily at each other's tongues.
"I want you," I heard myself say before biting into his lip.
He groaned, then half lifted me to his room, discarding my clothes on the way in. He lifted me against him then bit into one of my nipples.
"Aahhh," I groaned loudly being instantly aroused beyond repair. I found my hand pushing his head to my breast as he pulled hard on the nipple. He pushed me against the door, thrusting his hard on against my wet pussy.
He cupped my breast in both hands, pushing it up to suck hard on my flesh. Then he squeezed it again repeating the process over and over.
I bit into my lip moaning hard. My head falling back in sweet agony.
"Riya?" Mother called just before she entered into the nursery and my breath caught in my throat.
"What..." but she did not finish.
My moan turned into a whimper and Rudra froze, my nipple still in his mouth.
My heart pounded in my chest as blood rushed into my face and my cheeks began to burn. A startled expression paralyzed my face.
"My breasts were hurting," I breathed by way of explanation before mother turned on her heels and left.
Every movement I made thereafter was under ma's radar. She would make surprise visits to the nursery. I felt so ashamed of almost being caught it made me tremble every time I thought about it, so I took all precautionary measures, even at the cost of aggravating Rudra. But into the third week Rudra was running low on patience.
"You're being paranoid, you know." He stared into my eyes, miffed. "She's not going to come up in the middle of the night just to see what you're doing with me in bed." He tried to kiss me again.
"Ummh, please Rudra," I tried to break from his kiss. "Listen, ummh..., ummh, please honey," I coaxed, to appeal to his better senses."
"I want you," he growled.
"I want you too Rudra, but I'm too scared." I pleaded again.
"Are you really, or have you had your fill of this," he gestured at us and the nursery.
"Now you're being paranoid," I squinted at him annoyed myself, for him even thinking of something as absurd as this.
"Fine, have it your way," he turned his back to me in a huff.
"Please Rudra, I'm really scared. If she catches us this time, I don't know what she's going to do." No matter how much I wanted to reassure him and allay his fears, I couldn't hug him or come close to him in bed of fear that ma would catch me in the act.
He didn't turn around in bed after that and went to sleep, while I counted sheep in my head till morning.
The next day he was distant and no matter how much I tried to act normally before my mother, my eyes kept traveling to him. Every time our gaze met, I could feel ma making mental notes.
And then it happened.
On the weekend when ma and I were home alone she asked me to move a bed into the nursery with the babies. She did not want me and Rudra to share a room anymore. Instinctively, even before she had let on I knew something drastic was eventually going to happen but I still wasn't ready for the way it made me feel.
The moment I heard him walk into the house it was like all the flood gates had released. I knew it wasn't a big thing I was still next door to him but no matter what I told myself, I felt like ma had severed me from Rudra and I couldn't bear it. Even though he was standing a few paces from me, I felt like a deep trench had been dug between us and I couldn't cross it to get to him. The first moment we were alone I ran into his arms.
"Shhhhh," he rocked me against his warm chest. "Stop crying, its only temporary, I promise.
I shook my head violently against his chest too overcome with emotion to trust my voice. I sobbed against his chest, my knees giving way.
"Come on Riya, its not a big deal. I'm next door to you, aren't I?" He pulled me up to peer into my face. "Its going to be alright darling, hush now and stop crying." I felt his kiss put warmth into my cold bones again.
But words still failed me. Instead fresh warm tears welled and flowed from my eyes.
"Riya, please honey stop doing this, you're breaking my heart," he exhaled crushing me in his embrace again.
Nothing would be the same again. Ma would keep a close watch on us now, I knew it in my bones and a dread settled over my heart. I no longer had it in me to survive without him. I knew I had to do everything in my power to let that from happening. Every time he tried to touch me even if it was in the middle of the night or even when I knew ma was away for the day I would flinch and shrink from his touch and soon he stopped making an effort altogether. He began to spend long hours at work, coming home late. I wondered sometimes if he had begun to see someone. I trembled in my bed thinking about it, my life seeping out of my limbs at the very thought.
At night I would dream of him and then wake sweating.
"I needed to shop for a few things for the babies," I asked tentatively, when I found him in the nursery one morning petting the babies. "Can you take me shopping in the evening?"
"No, I'm busy today. Go with ma." He said simply then left the room.
On the way to work I tried to start a conversation with him again.
"You're very busy these days."
"Yes," was all the answer he gave.
"With what?" I let my curiosity get the better of him. But a call came through and he began to talk over the phone.
"Yes, tell her to wait. I'm going to be there in," he checked his watch. "ten minutes tops. Yes, i'm sure, just tell her and show her to my office. Don't let her leave at any cost. Keep her busy somehow." He called off.
"Can you take a cab to the university today Riya, I've got this client waiting for me and am already late." He asked absently dialing another number.
"Yes, yes of course," I answered, my heart falling. I looked out of the window, biting into my lip, suddenly feeling overwhelmed over the lack of control I had over the events unfolding before me.
"Will you be alright?" He asked looking at me when he dropped me at my intersection.
"Yes, of course," I said again in a false voice.
He gazed at me, before his phone began ringing again, then exhaled, answered his phone and started the ignition to take care of more pressing matters.
I stood there a while staring behind his car, too weak to move and unable to make sense of where the life I called my own went in that moment.
Somehow every time I tried to talk to him again something would always come in the way. Over time the silences began to distance us even more than the setbacks of life. He began to travel for work and spend days away from home, something he had never done before. Something he had only begun to do lately. I thought of the call he had answered when he had left me on the side of the road that day. 'Don't let her leave at any cost'
"What are you thinking?"
My gaze travelled to ma, unsuspecting. I found it strange to find her staring at me.
I looked down at my plate, at the untouched food, my mind already beginning to pick up its trail again into the maze in my head.
"I asked you something?" Ma raised her voice.
"What? I'm sorry, what?" I cleared my throat.
"Where's your mind these days Riya? Are you even here?" She asked with a slight sting in her voice. "I find you staring into the oblivion all the time. What is the matter with you?"
