AUTHOR'S NOTE-This is a continuation of a story I posted nearly 2 years ago titled, interestingly enough, "Santa's Naughty Aunt". I always meant to continue it, and now, at long last, I have. You might want to check it out before reading these latest two installments, but it isn't really necessary. Unless you want to. And I hope you do. Anyway, here's the story, and there will be another a final chapter coming very soon, I promise.
Friday was Santa night for my mother's church group, and as I had the past two years I got dressed in a small anteroom tucked in a hallway behind the big main hall. There was a gentle knock at the door, and I heard my mother say, "Honey, are you dressed?"
I pulled on my red coat. "Yes."
The door opened, and it was Mom and Aunt Billie. "Oh my God, you look fantastic!" my aunt said.
"Wait till he puts on the beard," Mom said. I did, and Aunt Billie shook her head in amazement. "I mean, honey, I don't think you're fat at all, but all dressed up like that, you ARE Santa Claus!"
"Well, I do work out!," I said in my Santa voice, and she and my mother laughed out loud. They were still laughing when Aunt Jess came in. "I thought I heard Santa in here," she said.
"Jess, how nice to see you!" Billie said, and my Aunts hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. Mom excused herself to see when I should make my appearance. Leaving me in a tiny room with my two rivalrous Aunts. Goody.
"My God, you look wonderful," Aunt Jess said. "Your hair, you can't see any of the gray around the roots!"
"Thank you! And you look fantastic yourself. I'm glad to see you didn't put back on too much of the weight you lost last year."
"How nice of you to notice," Aunt Jess replied. "My goodness, look at those beauties," she said, admiring the exquisite globes jutting out from under Aunt Billie's tight white sweater. "A year ago you were flat as a board, and now, boing! Amazing what miracles technology can achieve these days!"
"Isn't it, though?" Aunt Billie said. "If you want, I can give you the name of the surgeon who operated on me. You might want to get yours done before they're sagging around your ankles!"
They both laughed cheerfully and I shut my eyes, waiting for the hissing and scratching to commence. But instead my mother came back in. "OK, Santa, you have a full house waiting for you!"
Thank God, I whispered under my breath. Both my Aunts gave me a little hug, and then it was showtime. I strode out the door and entered the hall with a stentorious, "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"
Recently in the news you've probably read about how 60% of all Americans are overweight, and that the percentage is even higher among children. Let me tell you, they didn't need a big study by the Journal of the American Medical Association to figure that out. Just ask a few poor bastards who play Santa Claus and we'll give you the straight dope. These goddam kids weigh more a barrel of nails. Time after time these moron parents picked up their kids, veins bulging from the strain, and plopped them in my lap as though I was some kind of indestructible Robo-Santa. This one kid, maybe six years old, I swear to God he weighed a hundred pounds. Mommy AND Daddy had to hoist him into position over my lap, and before I could shriek, "No, please, mercy!", they dropped him like a sack of potatoes. I squealed in agony as his fat ass crushed my pelvis.
"Are you OK, Santa?" he asked.
"Fine," I gasped. "Santa's just going to be urinating blood tonight."
"Oh," the oblivious tyke said, and launched into his laundry list of desired goodies. By the time he finished my color vision returned and I no longer felt like I was about to vomit. "This is the last year," I croaked to my mother. "If you ever want to be a grandmother, this is my last year."
"I am a grandmother, honey," Mom replied. "Remember your niece and nephew?" She skipped away so fast she didn't hear me say, "I hate those little bastards."
After an eternity, it was over. The squealing kids and their negligent parents filed out of the hall. Aunt Billie came up and gave me a hug, her big beauties flattening against my shoulder. "You were so good with those kids!"
"I h...hate them," I muttered. "H...hate th...them."
"No you don't, they're just a bit much all together like that." She leaned close and put her hand on my arm. "You look so fantastic in that suit."
"Thank you."
"Really, really wonderful. And it's so sweet of you to help your mother, and make all those kids happy."
She was stroking my arm. "It's no big deal," I said.
"Is it hot in this suit?" she said suddenly.
"Yeah, pretty hot," I said. I didn't add, "It's even hotter with you touching me and your tits right there for the grabbing."
She gently rubbed her finger over my brow. "You're sweating, that's why I ask."
I was hard as a rock inside my suit. She felt the heavy red fabric of my jacket and smiled. "You make a very handsome Santa."
I said thank you again, and tried not to quiver in my black boots. Aunt Billie withdrew her caressing fingers and said, "I was wondering, when you're finished, maybe you'd like to go out to dinner? Carl's at an office Christmas party, so I'm at loose ends tonight. It's my treat."
