Secrets In The Attic

I think I've been attracted to almost every person I've ever been close with. It makes no difference whether they're a boy, a girl, or neither; if I know them well at all, I've pictured them naked. It doesn't matter if I've known them for years or if I've known them a week; any personal emotional connection with somebody makes me want to get in their pants. And... to my greatest shame... it doesn't even matter if I'm related to them or not.

Now, I'm sure that's no shock to someone like you. You're already in this section, you decided to read this story, and you're still here. I'd be willing to bet that you could even relate to my desire. But for me personally, this attraction bears great shame, so it's difficult for me to admit. Hell, I don't think I've ever even said the words out loud, but yes, I have been sexually attracted to members of my own family for as long as I can remember.

A sizable portion of all these family members have periodically danced their way into my fantasies, fueled by a handful of the mildest and earliest of erotic experiences of my life. The first time I saw a girl naked was a cousin of mine demonstrating what "skinny dipping" meant. Later, an aunt caught me skinny dipping and hardly batted an eye, openly acknowledging what I was doing but making no effort to discourage me. And the first time I ever had a casual and honest discussion about my sexual awakening was with my oldest sister. I can only hope that each of those experiences aroused them as much as they aroused me, but I'll likely never know.

And so, I hope that you will enjoy a fantasy about the family member I think about the most often; my cousin Hannah. You and I both know that Hannah is not her real name, I'm not a monster, but rest assured that she is a very real person. She is about five-foot-two, her skin is smooth and paler than pale, her hair is long and black, and she is quite athletic. Her relatively petite body has the perfect curves in just the right places, and she historically has never been afraid of showing them. Not to say that she is openly an exhibitionist (though I would love to learn that she is), but suffice it to say that she isn't shy in a cheeky bikini.

But as easy as it is to be attracted to her physically, her body is not even the reason I still think about her. In truth, we actually used to be incredibly close with each other. The kind of closeness that would likely have blossomed into a real relationship had it not been for the fact that we shared a surname. We used to tell each other everything, we constantly texted each other, and at our closest, we would even cuddle and fall asleep next to each other. Until one day, an incredibly loose family connection actually mistook me to be Hannah's boyfriend. Hannah corrected her, but the reaction from the mistaken woman was one of absolute horror. She told our parents, and our "relationship" quickly became a running family joke. Unfortunately, it wasn't a joke, they were almost right, and so the shame pushed Hannah and I apart, and we've hardly spoken since.

As somebody who was as close to me as she was, she still holds a special place in my heart. And as I've said, that is the only requirement to make me truly desire somebody, but she is first among the many, many people I fantasize about. Later, I hope to also share as many of those other fantasies with you as I can, but Hannah seems like a good place to start.

The following fantasy is mainly fictional, but the inspiration for it was very, very real.

I lounged on the couch while I thumbed through an old comic book I had found in my grandparents' attic. Hannah sat a few feet away, sitting at an ancient desktop computer, scrolling through some social media site that I honestly couldn't have cared less about. It was the fourth of July, many years ago. Our grandparents were hosting a pool party at their house, and the whole family came, the vast majority of whom were currently enjoying the clear skies and warm sun out in the backyard while Hannah and I hid inside.

Hannah was here because she had just graduated from high school, and was therefore very determined to not spend any more time with her family than she had to. Meanwhile, I was here just to be close to her. It was my first summer back from college, and she and I had hardly spoken recently. I was so nervous that our friendship would never recover, but as soon as we met back up today, for the first time in quite a long while, hanging out together was suddenly as easy as it had always been.

"I wonder if this is actually worth anything," I mused aloud, admiring the colorful, albeit dated, artwork in the comic book about a hero I had never heard of.

"I would check for you," Hannah replied, "but I'd be worried that opening another internet window would actually crash this thing." She had a fair point. That thing was so old that the sound of its spinning fans was almost louder than the indistinct chatter coming from outside.

I briefly watched the monitor over Hannah's shoulder as individual photos took whole seconds to load. She was sitting forward on the edge of the desk chair, her head supported up by her arm on the desk, as she scrolled past each sluggish post.

I glanced away from the monitor to appreciate the real view. With the way she was sitting, it seemed like her black athletic shorts were stretched to capacity, the outline of her undergarment plainly visible. Her tank top was slightly pulled up, revealing just a hint of bare back. As I started to stare, I wondered if the outline was a pair of panties, or a pair of bikini bottoms. I personally had come prepared, wearing only board shorts and a plain tee shirt, but I wasn't quite sure if Hannah was planning on going swimming at all. If she was, then I was very excited to watch her do so. Based on the cut of those bottoms, it would be a very nice show. And if she wasn't, then just the thought of actual panties with that cut was somehow more exciting than seeing her in a bikini of a similar shape, I couldn't possibly explain why.

Then, as if reading my lewd thoughts, the next image to slowly make its way onto the computer monitor was an artistic greyscale photo of a beautiful woman's backside, wearing nothing but a black thong. Given my mental state at the time, I immediately assumed that it was somehow a picture of Hannah, and perked right up, like an idiot. "Woah! Who- who is that?" I managed to ask excitedly.

Hannah snidely answered "I have no idea, just some chick," and scrolled past hastily. I approached the desk, but struggled to find the words to convince her.

Hannah turned to me, "Oh! Now you're interested!" She scoffed. "I've been trying to get you to join this site for months, but one hot girl can make you do it in seconds." I struggled not to correct her; she already was a hot girl trying to convince me. But that stupid line would have been the absolute worst way to confess my feelings to her.

Instead, I played along, "Well, I mean, do they actually even allow stuff like that on this site? I'm sure some mod is going to take that down as soon as it's noticed."

Hannah was quick to reply, "Oh, they don't give a shit, this isn't even that bad," and brazenly typed the word 'dick' into the site's search box.

I was shocked at her boldness. That is, until a few seconds past. Then I was shocked by an amateur photo of burly naked man and his erect phallus on the screen. "Oh, wow... yeah, I guess anything goes on this site, awesome."

"Yup, pretty much," she said matter-of-factly, and proceeded to type 'porn' into the search box, and sure enough we were slowly greeted with hardcore porn.

I shifted in my place where I stood as I considered the situation. Here we were, Hannah and I together, just casually viewing strangers having sex, like it was nothing. My penis started to firm, and I shifted to try and hide it. In these board shorts, there was nothing in the way to hide a full erection. Nevertheless, I let it swell as I eagerly watched the next photo slowly appear; a well-endowed man's POV of doggy style with an apple-bottomed blonde, whose face was turned back to the camera, mouth agape, with an orgasmic expression that was just convincing enough for me to not care if it really was staged or not. Had I been alone, my cock would already have been out, and I would have stroked it to that image for quite a while. I briefly glanced down to see Hannah intently watching the screen as well. I wondered what she would have been doing if she were sitting here alone.

But then Hannah said, "Yeah, you get the idea," and clicked the Back button enough times to get to the boring page she had been looking at before. I sat back down on the couch as quick as I could in a desperate attempt to obfuscate my growing erection.

Hannah turned to me and smiled. "So you want to join the site now?" I hesitated, completely off-put by how comfortable she seemed to be about the material we were just watching together.

"Yeah... you've made a compelling argument..." She looked pleased with herself as she turned back to the computer, but no new images were loading. She scrolled a bit more, but still nothing showed up. She refreshed the page, and the browser showed an error page about network connectivity.

"Oh, goddammit," Hannah let out, frustrated, "this thing is a piece of shit." She angrily shut down the computer and came to sit next to me on the couch. I crossed my legs. "Let me see that," she commanded, reaching for the old comic book that I forgot I was holding. I absent-mindedly handed it over, my mind still on other matters entirely.

She started flipping through the book, "You know, the art here really sucks." I was mildly offended, but I knew she was being playful.

"It's old! And drawn by hand! Give them some credit," I pleaded in response.

She thumbed through it some more, finally saying "Based on how you reacted to seeing one random girl's panties, I'm surprised you didn't go for the Playboys instead of this old thing."

I perked up, "What Playboys?"

She looked at me quizzically. "I'm surprised you didn't see them, they're right underneath the comics."

"Nuh-unh," I disagreed. "I definitely would have noticed them."

Then she replied, tauntingly, "Well then you weren't looking hard enough. Come on, I'll show you."

And so, she led me up into my grandparents' attic, dodging conversations with our family members at each turn, like we were on some kind of secret mission. I followed excitedly. I had intensely enjoyed how it felt to just casually watch porn with her, and the prospect of getting to chase that feeling was far more motivation than I needed. We climbed the last stairs, and stepped through the door into the attic storage space.

Now, the room was filled to the brim with hoarded old junk, and it was difficult to maneuver. Consequently, by the time both of us managed to get all the way to the back where the stack of comics was kept, we realized that there was hardly enough room for two people to stand together comfortably, so we had to squeeze into the space so tightly that we both had one side of our bodies in full contact with each other. We wordlessly found this acceptable, and Hannah began to move heap after heap of comic book to another pile of junk, until we reached what we had been looking for.

Hannah pulled up the magazine on top, which displayed a slender nude brunette in a tasteful pose that covered almost everything except for a hint of areola. "See?" She shoved it in my face, to both her and my delight.

We started looking through the decades-old collection of dirty magazines, which included far more than just playboys, marvelling at the vintage pornography. "Wow! They had some serious bush back in the day!" Hannah remarked, showing me. I agreed.

I was basically in ecstasy, or as close to it as you can get without genital contact. Feeling Hannah's body up against mine, in combination with these marvelously erotic images, was sublime, to say the least. And these pictures were from back when they still did erotica right, not the gratuitous spread-eagle vaginas like you get in porn today. My penis began to stiffen a little, so I made sure to hold my current magazine in between Hannah's wandering eyes and my crotch.

All the while, though, I really couldn't shake the thought of how wrong this was. I was looking at porn with my cousin. My cousin was inches away from my growing erection. I was horny in the presence of a family member. It was all unspeakably wrong, and we hadn't even actually done anything. But the fact that it was wrong just made me want to keep doing it. And do more. I wanted to pull my dick out and stroke it, I wanted to grab Hannah's ass, I wanted to-

Hannah grabbed a new magazine, and an old photograph fell out onto the floor. I urgently shifted my position to keep her from noticing my hardness as she reached down to pick it up. She seemed not to notice as she stood, holding the photograph. "What's this?" she asked. It was another old photo of a young woman, naked, sprawled out on a bed with her hips turned to the side, exposing her ass and tits in the same shot. Her hair was big and curly, and she had on the biggest smile, like she was laughing. The quality was clearly not professional, it looked like an amateur home photo, but the photo was at least as old as the magazines. "Is that..." Hannah began, "...Aunt Linda?!"

I looked again. "What the fuck?! Let me see that!" I snapped the photo away from her and held it up close. Oh my god. It was. I had assumed it was just some sort of magazine insert, but close inspection of her face made it unquestionable. It was a photo of our Aunt Linda.

Linda was our aunt by marriage, recently divorced from our Uncle Ben. I had always been keenly aware of how attractive she was. Memories of her in a bikini plagued my thoughts more often than I cared to admit, and I'll never forget the time I saw a glimpse of her changing through a cracked door. But this... this was something else. Not only was she exposed in a way that I never could have dreamed of, she was also young; a couple decades younger, by the looks of things. Her boobs were perky, and her skin was flawless. And on top of it all, she looked like she was genuinely enjoying having her picture taken, erotically.

My jaw dropped, and my body started to tingle in a way that I had never felt before. I carefully inspected every square inch of that photograph, trying to take mental notes as thoroughly as I could. I tried to memorize the curve of her hip, the shape of her nipples, the bright white of her tan lines.

I started shaking. If you've ever actually found porn of somebody you knew well, then you'll understand why. Otherwise, suffice it to say that this was probably the most erotic image I had ever seen in my life, and I physically could not handle it.

Hannah quickly took notice of this. "Oh my god! You're shaking!" she exclaimed, as she snatched the picture from my hand. Before I could react or say anything, Hannah also noticed my lower half. "Wow, she gave you a boner, too! She's our fucking aunt, you perv!" I started to stammer, trying to explain, but Hannah had already taken to teasing me before I could finish a word. She vigorously started pantomiming rubbing a penis in front of her pelvis, holding the photo aloft. And she quietly cried out in the most high-pitched, exaggerated orgasm voice, "Oh, Linda! Oh, Auntie!" almost exactly like she were filming a porno. In that moment, I honestly could not have told you which sensation was more powerful: my shame, or my delight. For the former, I knew that I should not be enjoying that photograph as much as I was, and one of my closest friends was now painfully aware of how much I was enjoying it. As for the latter, watching Hannah even feign masturbation was incredible. And besides, we were standing so close together that her pantomiming hand was not very far from my actual erection. My mind was going wild with a cocktail of sensations.

Hannah had her fun and locked eyes with me for a moment, giggling. She glanced down at the tent in my board shorts, and back up at me, as if expecting me to say something, but all I could do was just stand there frozen, paralyzed like a deer in headlights. How the fuck was I supposed to explain that away? I could feel a cold sweat start to break out over my body as it sank in that one of my most secret perversions was now known by another human being.

After a beat, Hannah broke the silence, laughing. "I mean... I guess I can't really blame you. She was hot. I'd probably enjoy this too, if I were a dude. Who knows... " she trailed off, examining the photo once more. A wave of relief swept over me, she was talking about this like it was a normal thing that every guy does. But still, the shame of being discovered was not altogether alleviated so easily. I felt incredibly conflicted, experiencing both simultaneously.

Hannah continued, "but I'm not, and I've seen Aunt Linda naked enough times, as it is." She could have just been trying to say anything to fill the empty silence and break the tension, or she actually knew that I would enjoy hearing that. At the time, I couldn't care less either way.

"You have??" I begged. She laughed.

"Yeah, ever since Uncle Ben moved out of their house, it's just her and Amy with the whole place to themselves. Aunt Linda hardly ever puts on real clothes anymore, even when we're just hanging out." I was dumb-founded. I imagined a naked Aunt Linda sauntering around her living room without a care in the world. Hannah continued, her voice lower, as if telling a secret, "and, like, to be honest, whenever we're hanging out by the pool, just us girls, there's like, no reason to bother wearing anything, so we just don't! It's just, like, soooo fun!" My mind raced. Amy was Linda's daughter, and though she was nothing to me compared with Hannah, I still had eyes. The thought of the three of them skinny dipping together, basking nude in the sun, would probably have been enough to bring me to an immediate orgasm if my hand were on my cock at that moment.

I must have glazed over in a trance or something, because I just remember Hannah pushing me to snap me out of it. "God, you're so easy." She laughed, shaking her head.

"What...?" I replied, confused. She rolled her eyes, and it dawned on me. She was being sarcastic. She never uses 'like' as a filler word, and if I were half as horny as I was, I would have noticed the super fake valley girl accent that she had been putting on. "Oh... So you guys don't-"

"No!" she interrupted, laughing hysterically. "I've never skinny dipped in front of anybody else before!" My penis softened a little, disappointed. Both because it wasn't true, but also because I was so easily deceived. "But the part about Aunt Linda actually is true, she's a pretty... open person. She just lets it all hang out, and talks way too much about Uncle Ben's penis." We laughed. "So yeah, knowing her, I'm not entirely surprised that a picture of her like this one actually exists. Still, she looks... nice. This must have been taken by Uncle Ben when they had just started dating." That made sense, the two of them had started dating in college. I had also already assumed that this collection was Uncle Ben's anyway.

"I wonder if there are any more", I admitted. I couldn't help it. Finding that picture was the most strange and exciting sensation I had felt in my life, and like I chased Hannah up here, I felt compelled to keep chasing that feeling.

Hannah laughed, "Why would I want to help you find more naked pictures of Aunt Linda?"

I started to reply, looking for the right words to maneuver this situation, "I mean, ... aren't you the least bit curious what other kinds of freaky things they got up to when they were young?"

Hannah smirked. "I think you're just curious to find more material to jerk off to later."