IV. Our New Lives Continue
I drove home, reluctantly, that Monday morning and tried to prepare myself mentally for the prospect of being separated from my new old love for at least the next five days, and possibly longer if her class work was especially heavy. I felt a pang of emptiness as I drove into the garage, alone, and went into a house that so recently had been filled by our love -- and our lust -- but was now empty.
I won't dwell on the maudlin details, or describe all the mundane things I did to fill my week. At least, work kept me physically and mentally occupied, and I took advantage of all my now-extra time to work more intensively with Ben, my chief project manager, on plans for new business possibilities.
But, to my amazement, Friday rolled around, as it always does that time of the week. All the late hours I put in with Ben allowed me to check out early and leave for Janey's about 1:00 in the afternoon. Making the drive alone seemed to take forever, and yet I was there in no time.
I went to their apartment and knocked, ... and it was Lauren who greeted me at the door with a full hug and a big, warm kiss. "Matthew -- I've missed you! Janey thought she could go out and pick up some things before you got here, but it looks like you made great time." She hugged me again and led me by the hand to the dinette table. We talked about school and classes, about the weather, and the fact that Paul couldn't get away from work early so he'd arrive later and we'd all have dinner together.
And not a word about our night (and morning) together the previous weekend. It wasn't necessary, I guess.
By that time, Janey struggled in with armloads of necessities, and also treats for the weekend. We helped her unload onto the table, and then we wrapped our arms around each other and held on. We just held tight and rocked each other back and forth. Finally letting go, we stepped back and looked at each other, and there were tears in our eyes.
"Hey, hey, cut that out, you two -- no crying here! If you're gonna cry, I'll have to send you to your room."
We laughed. A fate worse than death! But instead, we put things in the kitchen cabinets, poured some soft drinks, talked and caught up. It probably looked like any other parent weekend visit with their college-student children.
Paul did make good time. His reunion with Lauren was much like ours, except this time it was Lauren whose eyes teared up and who we had to make fun of. Paul and I both did a little freshening from our long drives, then we all went out for dinner at the Char-House. Despite not having reservations, we only had to wait about 15 minutes to get a table for four. While the Char-House is known for its steaks and chops, as the name would imply, they also do great fish. Paul had the pan-seared rainbow trout, Janey had the grilled salmon, and Lauren and I, the baked scrod. Vegetables, no desserts, drinks back at the apartment.
After our dinners had settled and we treated ourselves to nightcaps. Janey and Lauren had assembled all the fixin's we'd need for grasshoppers. In addition to the crème de menthe and crème de cacao, Lauren supplements her grasshoppers with a little brandy, resulting in a seriously adult beverage.
And with the taste of mint ice cream and the gentle buzz in our heads, we said our 'good nights' and drifted off to our bedrooms.
In one way, I was surprised. There was no uncertainty, no awkwardness. In fact, it was almost like Erika Jong's mythical 'zipless fuck' -- like the ones in the romance novels, where there's no fumbling with fasteners or tangling undergarments, where the lovers' clothing just magically disappears, "like dandelion fluff."
And once again I was united with my baby girl, and my lover, my girlfriend, my pride-and-joy, my -- everything.
Let's not get too romantic or lyrical. After the clothes 'magically fell away,' we licked and sucked and fucked the shit out of each other. We made the near-mistake of trying to re-live everything we had done the previous eight days together, and -- let me be honest here -- it almost killed this old man. But, as the saying goes, what a way to go!
We took the break we so desperately needed and went out to the kitchen to get some juice. We no sooner got there when Lauren and Paul came -- staggered, really -- out of Lauren's room for the same purpose. And I realized -- while Paul and I shared a very intimate set of connections, we had never seen each other undressed. And yet it seemed okay. We sat around the table, comfortably naked, the remainders of sex juices visibly drying on all our bodies, sipping lemonade, talking, all the while silently taking in how good and how fortunate it was for the four of us to be here, together, like this.
After enjoying this interlude, we went back to our bedrooms with renewed purpose. This time the loving was slow and tender, and we took the time to enjoy the contact, and the feelings, and the very fact that we could be together.
********
It was maybe the third weekend I drove down that it happened.
We were sitting up in her bed, reading, when Janey said, "Daddy, there's something I need to tell you."
The words -- and the tone of voice -- hit me immediately -- the knot in the stomach, the coppery taste of fear in my mouth. Pressure seemed to be building in my head. I waited.
"Daddy, you know that sometimes I'm going to want to be with Paul."
And there it was. My 'special relationship' with my precious daughter was apparently not so special after all. It was like a punch to the gut.
Janey had anticipated the effect this "news" might have on me:
"Wait -- listen to me, Daddy. Whatever you're thinking, it's not that. Paul is a beautiful, wonderful man, and he's very special to me -- and he's special to
us
, because he's responsible for you and me being -- the way we are. And I love him because of the way he cares for Lauren." (I was just now beginning to understand the extent of the bond between my daughter and her roommate.) "It doesn't mean that you and I have anything less. It's just that Paul and I are close, in a very important way, and I don't ever want to lose that. Please believe me -- it won't change how you and I are."
I calmed down a bit from my initial panicked response, but I still felt, well, sick. Janey went on:
"You know, Daddy, when Paul and I are together, that means that Lauren will be alone. Daddy, you're too modest and, well, too shy, to see it, but Lauren likes you, Daddy -- a lot." She looked at me and gave me kind of a teasing smile, "And from some of the remarks she's made, I get the impression that the sex is pretty good, too."
And it was then that I remembered Lauren's words the night we were together: "... one more thing -- this isn't going to be the only time for us."
"Trust me, Daddy."
I did -- sort of. But I was still skeptical. If I'm being honest, I have to admit -- I was scared.
********
And so, maybe every fifth or sixth night we would end up with "the other one" -- Janey with Paul, and I with Lauren.
I have to tell you, the first time, it was rough for me. When I saw Paul and Janey walk into her bedroom and close -- almost -- the door, I was afraid that I'd lose it completely and start, well, start sobbing. And I was in no condition to make love to the tall, beautiful young woman who took my hand and led me to her room.