XI − Lauren Comes Home
PAUL
The message from Lauren was there when I checked my email Monday morning:
Dear All,
WONDERFUL NEWS!!! Over the weekend the company we've been auditing secretly reached a (mostly secret) settlement with the Ministry of Economy & Finance and the Ministry of Justice, probably to pay a token fine and sweep the whole ugly affair under the rug. A disappointing end for all the work that Annabella and I and others put in. On the other hand, I'M COMING HOME!
In 3 days
!! I'll forward the flight details to you separately.
I can't tell you how much I want to see you and be with you all again. I have lots of things to tell you. Also, some things that I learned about myself while I was here.
I love you all so much, and the only thing that will help me get through these next three days is all the stuff I have to do to close out the post-engagement paperwork.
I'll write again at least once before I head for the airport Thursday morning. I can't wait -- I love you all! Lauren
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Lauren's coming home! There are no words to describe how I feel.
It was five weeks ago today that she left. These weeks have been amazing. Matt and Jane -- and, especially, Georgia -- well, you know what that's been like. But all the time, in the back of my mind, has been the awareness that Lauren was not here to share them.
There is also some adjusting to be done. For the past five weeks, Georgia and I have been a couple. We've been companions, we've held each other at night, we've awakened together each morning, we've enjoyed sex that has been sweet and loving, or wild and nasty -- and sometimes, all of these at once. And as much as I am in love with my daughter and can't wait for us to be back together, still ...
And I think that Georgia will be experiencing something similar. For the first time in the last seven years, she's had a regular man, in her bed, and in her life. Moreover, it's a man that she's had eyes on for a very long time, and who I think she loves in some way. And now she has to return him to his 'owner.' I know she will, and she'll do so generously and graciously, because she loves her granddaughter and respects her relationship with her father. But, still ...
That night with Georgia, we started out with a kind of cloud hanging over our heads -- the awareness that we were beginning our last three nights together as a couple. To me, this was the very definition of ambivalence -- wanting more than anything for Lauren to return to me, while dreading having to leave Georgia -- even though we never "had" each other in the first place.
And yet, it was the marvelous Georgia who made it better. It was she who raised the issue.
"I can't imagine how excited you are to have Lauren coming home."
"What can I say? For seven years she's been my love and my lover and my amazing sex partner and -- for want of a more accurate word -- my wife. We've been everything to each other, and now she's coming back.
"What I really can't find words for is you. One part of my mind was prepared to be depressed for eight solid weeks. Instead, my life with you has been, in a word, wonderful. And I don't have to recount all the ways it was, because you already know them, because you've shared them with me." I hesitated to say the next words. "But what about you ...?"
Georgia responded exactly as I knew she would. "I'm a big girl, James, and I knew that you and Lauren are together, in every way imaginable, and that I was recruited to be a 'worthy caretaker' in her absence. I was deeply touched that she would do this for you, and that she had such trust in me. I knew what I was doing, and I yield my role back to Lauren, and I'm thankful for the experience she's made possible for me. These past weeks here with you and Matt and Jane, I've enjoyed more than any time since Arthur died. I just hope that I'll be welcome to share them with you again some time."
"I can speak for everyone: We want you anytime you want us."
"But now, James, Lauren's in Rome and we're here. Fuck me, Tiger."
********
After that, our sense of sadness and dread was gone, and we simply took advantage of the opportunity to be with each other. We knew that we would still have many opportunities, for sex, as well as for other things. But since Wednesday night would be our third and last night "together," we excused ourselves and departed for the bedroom early. As I was about to enter, Jane stopped me and gave me and kissed my cheek and said, "Take lots of time." Matt, behind her, nodded in confirmation. They understood, of course.
We ended with Georgia on top of me, in lots of positions, trying to feel me in as many ways as she possibly could. After she came for the last time, she lay down on my chest and we rested. Then I felt the wetness on my chest, and I knew immediately that they were tears. I don't think she saw mine, but I'm sure she felt the dampness where I had wiped them on the pillow case.
She looked up at me with moist eyes and said, "We've wanted this for a long time, haven't we, James?"
Through moist eyes, I replied, "We waited a long time for this, didn't we, Georgia?"
********