A week passed by without a call from my father. I thought about calling but I just couldn't get past dialing the number. Surely, Daddy would have called if there was a problem, wouldn't he? I slipped into life at the CIA with an uneasy feeling and by the end of the week, I was feeling much better. My classes were manageable, I was beginning to make some friends and the food was fantastic. I worried about gaining weight so I took to power-walking before class and doing sit-ups before going to bed. Every night, I looked at the framed picture of my parents that sat on the top shelf of my desk and told them good night.
When the call came, it wasn't my father; it was my mother's sister, Adelle. "Your mother is dying. You have to come home."
I didn't have time to be numb until I was on the plane. I had to make arrangements with my professors and visit the admissions office to receive my official papers before I could run back to my room and pack. My aunt had already booked the flight for me so thankfully, I didn't have to worry about anything except getting on the plane. That's when the numbness set in. I was still numb when I met Aunt Adelle in the terminal.
She told me that Mom was very sick and that she only had days to live. I didn't have time to be upset because the next words out of her mouth made me livid with anger. Mom had been diagnosed a year earlier with breast cancer and I was the only one who didn't know. Suddenly, everything made sense. Her lack of appetite, her being extra tired after short walks, her loss of skin tone … everything added up to her illness. Aunt Adelle begged me not to be angry; I hadn't been told because Mom didn't want me to worry. My parents wanted me to enjoy being a student at the CIA and they knew that knowing about Mom's illness would be a distraction.
As soon as I entered the house, Daddy was there, pulling me into his arms and letting me cry my eyes out. I wanted to kiss him, not for the sexuality but for the comfort of the connection but I knew that neither one of us wanted to face that just now. Holding hands, we went into Mom's room and stayed there the entire day. We didn't know until the nurse came by that she had slipped into a coma and it was four days later that my mother died. The funeral was horrible and I medicated myself with alcohol through most of it, choosing the solitary silence of my bedroom, rather than the gathering downstairs.
"Hey." I looked up and gave my dad a smile. "Mind if I join you? Adelle is driving me crazy!"
"Why do you think I'm up here?" I pulled a beer out of the cooler I kept in the corner and handed it to him.
