You probably know that Austin, Texas is the home of the Longhorns, the capital of Texas, Austin City Limits, SXSW and a number of colleges and universities which keep the city buzzing with excited, horny young people all the time.
But what you may not know is that Austin is also the headquarters of a non-descript company called Sexy Lifeforms - known for their the male masturbator products.
It is every college guy's dream to land a job at Sexy Lifeforms' testing facility in South Austin, where they give you a brand new toy, you fuck the shit out of it while scientists measure your body temperature, breathe and speed, and then you get to keep the very expensive toy. It was more popular than testing video games at the Sony center!
In fact, the job is so popular, Sexy Lifeforms doesn't advertise their tester jobs. They instead recruit guys from the athletics programs of every local school.
I was recruited from my swim team. I finished practice one afternoon to find an envelope in my locker.
"You are invited to work for S.L.F. biological testing facility. Discretion assured. $250 a session."
Puzzled, I showed the invitation to a buddy of mine whose eyes bugged out, "Holy shit! That's sex toy testing! Do it!"
I never used a sex toy before. I had my very horny girlfriend, Penny, who more than met my needs. I laughed it off and threw the paper away.
The next day, I crashed my car. Since it was a piece of crap, I had to pay for my own repairs. I dug around the trash to find that invitation again.
The next day, I'm at a plain 2 story office building in an industrial park in South Austin. I walk in, show the receptionist my form and am escorted into a room that looks like a doctor's examination room.
A guy in a lab coat walked in. "Hello Adam - this is a release form. This is a confidentiality agreement - anything that happens in this facility is confidential. You cannot talk about it to anyone. If you agree, sign the forms. You'll be paid $250 an hour, 2 hours a day, 3 days a week."
Holy shit. I signed away.
The lab coat guy gathered my forms and pulled out a clip board with a questionnaire. "You are straight?"
"Yes, 110%."
"OK, we will have a female technician work with you."
"What? I thought I'd be alone with, you know, a toy?"
"We have new products all the time. We would like you to test a new product called the Saddle. It's for couples."
"Oh, shit, I don't know about that. I have a girlfriend. She'd be pissed."
"Oh. I see. That's fine. Thank you for coming, Adam." He opened the door for me.
I needed the money, but I didn't want to cheat on my girl. I looked around the room, at the forms, at the door.
"Um, sure, I'll do it."
"Good! I'll send in our technician."
A few moments later, an older woman walks into the room. She's also wearing a lab coat. She is pretty, she looks like Marisa Tomei - the actress who played Spider Man's aunt May.
"Hello, Adam. I'm Dr. Turner. I'll be working with you this afternoon. We chose you because as a swimmer you are physically fit. We want you to test this device" she pulls out what looks like an orange soccer ball "called the Saddle. This is the next generation in safe sex. This is ideal for couples where one person is tired, or on their period, or has an STD. In this case, you'll lie back on the examination table and I'll place the Saddle over your groin. Your erection with slide in, pushing out your shape on the other side of the Saddle into me. I can ride and bounce on the Saddle while you safely ejaculate into it. This squishy ball between us will only heighten the pleasure."
I nodded wordlessly. My mouth is dry.
"We can also have me lie on the examination table while you mount the Saddle missionary style and push into me. The Saddle will allow you to thrust very vigourously without hurting me. It's squishiness will give your pelvis extra bounce!"
I nod again.
"Good, could you please remove your jeans and underwear, socks and shoes and lie on the examination table?"
"You want me to keep my shirt on?"
"Yes, please."
"OK" I shyly stripped as she instructed and hopped up on the examination table. She removed her skirt but oddly kept her lab coat and heels on. I was turned out by her "naked scientist" look.
"Lie back, Adam. Let's roll the Saddle on you."