'Welcome girls to our Medical Practice. Please follow me,' Dr John suggested. And six girls in their final year of high school followed him, like a line of ducklings follow their mother.
John, an athletic-looking man in his late 20s, closed the door as they all took a place sitting on the floor of the largest of the consulting rooms.
'I think it is wonderful that your school has organised this 'life' day. I understand other groups are with people such as social workers, in the hospital, at the ambulance station, with clergymen, with the police, and lots of other places to learn a little more about life. And here you are with a doctor -- probably the most boring of all the options you were given!' John said.
'My name is John. Please just call me John today. And if you could each take one of these name tags and write your first name on it, then I'll know exactly who you are.'
'And, so I can appreciate who I am dealing with, I'd like you to take this little piece of paper and answer just one question -- with a simple Y for Yes, or N for No.'
'And the question is 'Are you a virgin? And if you write N, for No, would you please also add a number after the N indicating how many boys or men have had intercourse with you. Not the number of times, but how many different men and boys.'
He collected the papers, and quickly glanced at them. Four Ys, one N1, and one N7. 'So we have four virgins, one who has probably surrendered her virginity quite recently, and one nymphomaniac or one slut,' he thought to himself.
'O.K., rules for today. This is a unique opportunity for you to ask anything -- absolutely anything -- about life...and please remember doctors spend as much time being advisors as they do diagnosing and treating illnesses.'
'The second rule is that we are all in this together. If there is anything we discuss or do, or there is anything you are not comfortable discussing or doing, then just say so and we'll all stop that conversation...or, alternatively, you can leave the room. There is huge pile of magazines in the waiting room which you can read until you return...or I don't even mind if you head to the shops and do some shopping while the rest of us talk!'
'And because you are going to ask about absolutely everything, you must not feel embarrassed in any way. If you have a question about something, it is likely one, two... or five others will also be wondering about the same thing.'
'And just like doctors, you must also promise not to repeat anything you hear today or see today...or even go away and discuss among yourselves what you heard, saw or did while you were here. I don't want to learn via the grapevine that Cassie has a freckle on her boobs, or that Amy is worried that she might be masturbating too much, or that I have three balls -- which, incidentally, I don't. So is that an agreement?'
John noted six heads were nodding.
'We are supposed to be talking about life today,' John continued. 'So let's start with the area of your body that you should be the most proud of, that you should be paying the most attention to...the area that really best represents 'life'. And of course, I'm referring to that area between your legs.'
'What do girls, or you girls, call it?' he asked.
'My vagina... my pussy... my lady parts... down there... muff... snatch... box... cooch... flower... garden... private parts... fanny... front bum... sweet girl... twat... tweenie,' they answered.
'Oh, I like that one -- tweenie.' John said
'And what do guys call this area?' he then asked.
'Cunt,' was the immediate reply from six girls, almost in unison.
'But guys also call it our clam... hole... hot box... snatch... gash... cock pocket... honey pot... penis fly trap... tampon tunnel... downstairs... the grandest tunnel,' among other suggestions.
'And what do you call a man's sexual organ?' John asked.
'His penis... manhood...erection...pecker... willy... cock... dick... joystick... deep-V-diver... shaft... heat-seeking moisture-missile... plug,' the girls volunteered.
'And when he is inserting his heat-seeking moisture-missile into your penis fly trap, what is he doing?'
'Fucking... having sex... making love... sleeping with me... doing it... copulating... laying me... shagging... poking... giving bone... fooling around... going all the way... getting lucky... humping... hiding the salami... screwing... scoring a home run.'
The girls were starting to think this 'life' session might be really fun.
John thought to himself that perhaps he should start collecting as many words or phrases as possible that meant 'fucking'. There must be hundreds of them.
And then he remembered an Australian tourist, who he met a few years back, who was joyfully wearing a t-shirt from the Canadian apparel retailer Roots that read 'Give Roots This Christmas' because in her home country 'having a good root' was exactly the same as 'having a good fuck.'
And he wondered how many extra Christmas presents she received that year!
'So you girls -- like all girls of your age - are thinking about having sex. That's good. It's quite natural,' John continued.
'But if you have sex, it's also a natural consequence that you could become pregnant. And you shouldn't want that to happen yet...and I certainly don't. So I'm a firm supporter of young girls from your age having some form of contraception, like taking The Pill BEFORE you start to have sex. And that's before you have ANY sex.'
'So I'm giving all of you an open invitation to make an appointment to come back to see me at any time should you need a script, or perhaps a contraceptive implant, or some other alternative form of contraception.'
'And that is the only serious medical advice I plan to give you all morning!'
'Now, how about questions from you?'
'Do girls have wet dreams?' Debbie asked.
'Absolutely,' John replied. 'Wet dreams are nature's way of saying - to both boys and girls - you are physically ready to start having sex, and I guess it is nature's way of saying 'get on with it' because girls, especially, only have a limited number of years when they can fall pregnant.'
'When boys have an orgasm, it is obvious. Their cum shoots straight out of their penises. So when they have a wet dream, they wet their bed sheets.'
'You girls are luckier. You can orgasm and nothing may be obvious. You might be a little -- or a lot -- wetter between your legs, but the moisture will often stay inside your vagina.'
'I suspect most of you have had what we call a sleep-gasm -- an orgasm when you have been asleep. And, until you start having regular sex, they probably will continue.'
'There is nothing you can do to stop them...so please just enjoy them...and I hope you have hundreds of them!'
'So have I given you enough information, or too much, about wet dreams?'