Shades Of Blue Ch 05

Back in the 'Bridal Suite' I put my arms around Joanne and hugged her. "Well Mrs James" I said. "How do you think that went?"

She kissed me, "I think the story you made up has worked out amazingly well. Where did all that stuff you told them, come from? I know I put in the bit about how we met, really to explain the difference in our ages, but after that you threw in the party at work, what happened after the ride home, all the stuff about how we got together? That's not to mention all the stuff you had already told them about our wedding. I just added a few minor pieces that seemed to fit in, but you built a whole life together out of nothing."

"I honestly don't know" I said, "It started when I had to justify Lisa's upgrade to this suite with a story about a disaster at our wedding and somehow it just grew from there. When Simon walked out of that office I almost panicked. I didn't for a moment think they would set up a whole wedding reception to replace the one which had 'gone wrong'. Then, when I realised that the rest of the hotel were now a part of 'putting things right', I knew I was going to have to create a whole new story. I first realised something was happening when the sommelier brought that bottle of wine. I ordered a £15 bottle and the one he brought, compliments of the restaurant manager, I think was about £50. Then the meal: Wow! That was really something, wasn't it? I know you couldn't see from where you were sitting, but everything being brought to our table, the maitre d' checked as it came from the kitchen. Then Lisa had obviously been sent in to make sure we would go into the lounge after dinner, where everything had been set up for a full reception. That was when I realised I was going to have to expand on what I had said earlier, and I knew it was going to have to be convincing."

Joanne didn't speak for some moments, then she said, very quietly, "What bothers me is, if you can make up lies so convincingly, how am I going to know if you are telling me the truth, you could lie to me and I would never know until it was too late."

I hugged her close to me, then leaning back I looked into her eyes. "I will never lie to you. You have always have been and I know I will always need you to be, the one person my whole life revolves around. I love you. I will never hurt you. I will never lie to you. If I am feeling bad about something I will tell you. If it is something you have done which has made me feel bad, I will talk to you about it and we will find a way round whatever it is, but you will know what it is and why I am feeling like I am. For now, all I can do is ask you to believe in me. I love you. I promise I will always love you. Earlier tonight, in that bedroom, you believed I meant what I said. You knew then, that was the truth about my feelings for you. We both knew then that if we took that step, we could never go back. You committed your life to me, just as my life is committed to you. Nothing has changed since then. The real story of our love cannot be told, so I made up something acceptable which could be. Yes between us, we put in a lot of small details, but they were the sort of things which made the story believable, and none of them can be checked, not without really digging deep. We have not given anyone reason to dig. I know, we can't use that story at home, where people know us. There we still have to be 'Mother and Son', unless we are alone. That is what we must live with, but we knew that. We have to be strong and be together, keeping the world out of our private lives. We both know it won't be easy, but together we can do it, I know we can, because we have to. I will never give you up. I will never leave you. My father was the world's biggest fool, but because he was, and still is, I get to be with you. You said that you were truly happy for the first time in nearly twenty years, because of me. Let me be the one who brings you that happiness, for the rest of our lives."

She hugged me and kissed me. "I really will have to watch you" she said, "You have a line of chat that could charm the knickers off a nun. Please stay with me Paul, You have my heart and you are my whole life."

I grinned, "Will you get the handcuffs or shall I? Because I am going to keep you so close to me that people are going to think we really are handcuffed together. "

She looked at me with a tear in her eye, "You don't need to go out to get handcuffs" she said very quietly, "there are some in a box in the attic if you feel you need them. Only please, I beg you, only use them to hold us together."

Without her saying, I knew this was something else she wanted to tell me about. There were things which had happened between her and my father which I knew nothing about. Her box in the wardrobe held some of her things, but now it seems that hidden in the attic, were more of the secret things from her life with him. I was fast coming to the conclusion that I was going to have to have a talk with my father, and see if he was as tough when confronted by me now I was grown up, as he had been when I was only eight and he had punched me in the mouth for trying to protect my mum.

I hugged her tightly, "Shhhh my love" I said. We don't need handcuffs to hold us together, you would only need them if you needed to keep me locked away from you. Otherwise I am going to spend my whole life with my arms around you, holding you. I sense there is another story here, connected to the one you wanted to tell me earlier. It's one that I don't want to know tonight. I will say again what I said then.

Not Tonight

! Tonight is for us, for our future. The past is exactly that, the past. What happened then is in the past. It cannot be changed, so for better or worse it is what it is. Why the great rush to tell me now? We have the rest of our lives together, so if you want to, and

only

if you want

to, you can tell me about it another time. Tonight is for us to be together and show how much we love each other. So now, Mrs James, I think it's time we got started on those promises you were making earlier."

Joanne stepped back away from me and took both of my hands in hers. "Paul there

is

something you really

do

need to know about, and although I understand what you are saying, for my own peace of mind I need to tell you now, before we go to bed. For all we know, after this afternoon, it is possible I could already be pregnant and there are some things I must say before we go any further" she said, leading me to the sofa and sitting down. "Sit down and please don't interrupt, because what I want to say isn't going to be easy for me, but

I am

going to say it."

I sat down beside her and squeezed her hand. "All right, if you feel so strongly about it that you must tell me now, you must go ahead, but whatever it is, it isn't going to change the way I feel about you."

She raised my hand to her lips and kissed it. Then she took a deep breath and said "I really do hope that will still be so after you have heard what I have to tell you. First of all, I do really love you. I am not just talking about the love I have always had for you, as my son. You have told me how you really began to think about me sexually, as a woman, rather than your mother, when you were about fifteen. I have allowed you to think that you were alone in those thoughts, which isn't actually true. I began to think of you in a sexual way after you left your bedroom door slightly open one night when you were about sixteen, and I saw you masturbating in your room as I was going to the bathroom. I am ashamed to say that instead of walking on, I stood on the landing and watched you. Ever since then I have had these thoughts about you. You have been the only man in my life and my dreams since then."

I was about to speak but she stopped me.

"I cannot count the number of times since then I have heard you in your room and wanted to get up and come to slide into bed beside you, but like you said to me, I couldn't even tell you how I felt about you. I was terrified that if you knew of my desire for you, you would reject me, like Stephen, your .... father, did. I couldn't bear the thought of that happening, so I had to keep my desire for you secret."

She paused to consider how to continue, allowing me time to speak. "You know now that if you had given in to those feelings, I would not have rejected you. I am

not

my father, if it was possible to have his genes torn out of my body and have them replaced by someone else's, I would. I have had nothing to do with him since that night when I was eight, and if I never see him again it will be too soon for me. If I do see him again it will definitely be too soon for him."

Joanne squeezed my hand and said, "I know, but let me continue please. I told you Stephen spoiled my happiness within a few weeks of our wedding. He actually began that while we were on our honeymoon. He insisted on taking some photographs of me in our hotel room. Not the usual 'honeymoon snaps' you would expect to see. These, he promised me, were strictly private pictures for us alone. He began with pictures of me in my underwear and progressed from those to nude shots. By the end of the honeymoon, the pictures were ...... well, they were a lot more explicit than just nudes. He said they were just for us to look back on and remember the fun we had had on our honeymoon, although I was by then beginning to wonder why he wanted to have photo's like that of me. I had always been ..... easily aroused, sexually, but some of these photo's were a bit

too

explicit, to say the least. "

"He had always taken charge of things, but he now began to be much more domineering and it was as if my feelings just didn't matter. Within three months he had changed and if I dared to question anything he did or said, he began to threaten me. Then one day, the inevitable happened, he hit me. It was over nothing important, I had been out shopping, missed the bus I intended to catch home so I had to catch a later one. This put me behind and his dinner wasn't ready for him when he came in from work. That was the first time he hit me. Of course, afterwards he said he was sorry and that it would never happen again, and like a fool, I believed him. For a while things seemed to be getting better between us. Then it happened again. I don't even remember what caused it this time, but I don't think it was much. This time he started with the 'it's your fault, you made me do it' line, to justify what he had done, which of course is a classic excuse men who abuse their wives use. Shouting and threats, and occasional blows became more frequent, until I began to believe it really was my fault, I was a bad wife and deserved to be beaten. It got so I was almost afraid to speak in case I said the wrong thing."

"Wednesday night was always his 'cards night' and I was kept busy bringing snacks and drinks for him and his friends. One of these nights, it was about nine months after our wedding, I brought in fresh drinks, and, spread out on the card table were the photo's he had taken of me on our honeymoon. I screamed, dropped the tray of drinks and grabbed the photos off the table, but of course it was too late, even though I burned those photos, his friends had already seen them. That was when the systematic humiliation of me in front of his friends began. Later that night, after the 'friends' had gone, we had a huge row. That was nothing new; they were a regular part of my life by then. Of course he slapped me around, that was also normal by then, but I stuck to my guns and said he had no right showing those pictures to anyone. He said he would show them to whoever he liked and he wasn't bothered that I had destroyed those because he had copies."

"After that I made a point of going out on Wednesday nights, I signed up for evening classes on business administration and after that course finished, I signed up for others on office management. That was where I gained my qualifications that allowed me to get the position I now hold, and that is what has kept us as you were growing up. The real reason I began those courses, though, was to keep out of the way on Wednesday nights. The games of cards were by now being interspersed with 'Adult Films', of which Stephen had quite a collection. The amount of money involved during these 'friendly' games of cards had increased to a seriously frightening level and there were times I went hungry because he had had a bad night at the table."

"Then, one night when I came home from my class, he was very quiet. This was usually a bad sign, it meant he had lost quite a lot and money was going to be very tight for the next few weeks. This time though he was different, it was as if the man I married had come back. He was loving and attentive, just as he had been then. I wasn't convinced that this change would last, but when you have been starved of affection for so long, you tend to take whatever is on offer. That night we made love and everything seemed like it used to be between us. The next night he said he wanted to play 'games', like we used to, and although I was a little apprehensive about it, because I wanted this new 'loving' man he seemed to want to be, to continue, I agreed. I should never have trusted him, I was a fool."

"Dressed only in a bra, panties, stockings and suspender belt I allowed him to handcuff my wrists to the bed frame. All of the time he was doing this, he was kissing and caressing me, so I was becoming very turned on. Then he produced some rope and tied it around one ankle, passed it around the bed frame at the foot of the bed and then, around my other ankle. He then spread my legs apart before pulling the rope tight and tying it off. I was now spread-eagled on the bed with almost no freedom of movement at all. This wasn't the first time he had played this 'game', it turned him on to feel I couldn't resist and he could do anything he wanted to me, but he had never actually hurt me when I was like this so I allowed him to do it. I put up a token resistance, but he liked me to do that, it was part of 'the game' as I thought it still was. All of the time he was tying me like this he was kissing, and stroking me, and I was getting more and more aroused. When he pulled my panties aside and inserted his fingers into me I was soaking wet. Then his voice became much harder and he started saying things like 'You like that, don't you?' and 'It turns you on to be my little whore, doesn't it?' Then he said 'It's about time you earned your keep in this house, whore!'"

"It was at that moment I realised that this was not a game and it never had been. This was something far more serious. Before this I had been the 'helpless victim' he was so much in love with he had snatched off the street to 'make her fall in love with him'. I told him to untie me as I wasn't going to play this game anymore. He just laughed and said 'Oh yes you are. I lost quite a bit last night and now you are going to pay my debts'. I opened my mouth to scream for help, but he put his hand over my mouth and told me to be quiet. Then he took a scarf and a cloth, which I hadn't noticed before, from behind the pillow. He forced the cloth into my mouth as a gag and tied the scarf tightly around my head to hold it in place. He then tied another scarf over my eyes so that I was blindfolded and could see nothing. He continued to touch and caress me and in spite of being so scared I could feel my body responding to what he was doing to me."

"Then he moved away and I heard the bedroom door open. I sensed there was now someone else in the room and a strange voice said, very quietly 'very nice Steve, so much nicer in the flesh than the photos'. A different pair of hands began touching me. He released the front fastening of my bra and began to touch my breasts. Then he began kissing and sucking at my nipples, which have always been sensitive. The only thing I knew about him then was that he had a small moustache. I could feel it against my skin. Stephen saw my response to him sucking my nipples and whispered to me 'That's a good girl, he won't hurt you, he won't do anything which you haven't done before, but this time you will also be clearing this debt so we can still eat. Just relax, you will enjoy it, you know you love to be fucked and he has a magnificent cock'.

It must have been Stephen who took a pair of scissors from the dressing table, because this other man never stopped touching and licking me. I felt the cold steel touch my tummy as he cut my panties away, leaving me completely naked except for the suspender belt and stockings."

"The strangers lips left my breasts and slowly kissed their way down my tummy until he was licking and sucking my pussy. I am ashamed to say that after only a few moments of him doing this, I had my first orgasm."

She paused, looking down at the floor, unable to look at my face. I put my hand under her chin, raising her head, and gently kissed her. "There is nothing for you to be ashamed of my love" I said, "You were helpless, he could have done anything to you, tied as you were. Your body was automatically responding to the sensations it was getting and preparing your vagina for the insertion of a penis. This isn't something that is under your control, it was like my 'natural physical reaction' when I held you, and without that natural preparation, if he had forced himself inside you, which was obviously what he was going to do, you could have been injured."

"Thank you for that" Joanne said, "I hoped you would see it like that. I

was

helpless, tied as I was, and I knew I couldn't prevent this man from raping me, but I was also ashamed that my body was responding to him like it was. I couldn't look to anyone for help, my husband was the only other one there and he was the one who was prostituting me to pay off his gambling debts. I could do nothing to prevent it, I couldn't even cry out. I had been a fool to trust him and let him tie me to the bed and I knew, now I was going to pay for my stupidity. All I could do was let this man do what he wanted and hope he wouldn't hurt me."

"I felt him climb onto the bed and then he was between my thighs, his penis touching my pussy lips. I will say though, he didn't just slam it into me, he was very gentle, pushing forward and allowing me to become accustomed to it being there before pushing a little more and gently moving inside me, loosening my vagina as he went. It was just as well he did, because he was bigger than Stephen by quite a bit, in both length and girth, and if he had not been so gentle, even though I was so wet, I am sure it would have hurt me. It was at this point I began to wonder if he was wearing anything, because I wasn't on any form of birth control, Stephen always used condoms, but of course, gagged as I was, I couldn't even ask. It wasn't long before I knew he wasn't. He was already very excited and I quickly realised what Stephen had meant when he said what he did about this man's cock. He had already gone deeper inside me than Stephen had ever reached when I began to orgasm for the second time. Stephen would have just pushed on into me, but he didn't, he just waited and held me as I recovered. Then he pulled back and gently pushed in again, going even deeper, until the whole length of his cock was inside me."

"He had reached places that Stephen had never even touched, and, although I am ashamed to admit it, after that second orgasm, I no longer cared whether he was wearing a condom or not. I just wanted him to make love to me. At that moment, if my arms and legs had been free I know they would have been wrapped around him, holding him inside me."

I was about to sat something but Joanne put her finger to my lips to stop me.

"No! Please let me finish this" she said. "He began to move inside me, taking long, slow strokes, pulling back until he almost slipped out of me, before gently and smoothly driving back in, back to that place where he alone could reach. I felt as if he was touching my soul. Then, all too soon for me, he drove into me, if it were possible going even deeper than before, and, with a groan of pleasure he began to cum, spurting his seed deep inside me. He held me, his body shaking, as he pumped his sperm deep inside me." She went quiet for several seconds, before she whispered, "That was when I came for the third time. I felt every pulse of his cock as he came, deep inside me and I had a massive, third orgasm."