After I'd masturbated in the shower, imagining that I was having sex with my daughter's friend Shawna, I felt ashamed. In spite of the fact that I nearly scrubbed myself raw...trying to wash away the dirt of guilt, as I stood, dressing in front of the mirror...I felt like an asshole.
How could I have done such a wicked thing? How could I have thought about Shawna...who was like a daughter to me...that way?
Yes, I knew that Shawna had left her panties next to her on the couch. I knew that her sleep shirt had not quite covered her bare bottom as she walked in front of me.
Still, those were not excuses. I'd thought of sweet young Shawna in a manner unbefitting and I berated myself for it. I would not do that again.
"Daddy?" I heard my daughter, Lisa, call from downstairs.
"Hey honey!" I called back from my room, fixing the last buttons on my shirt.
"I'm fixin' dinner daddy! What do you want?"
"Anything's fine honey!" I answered.
I felt so deeply ashamed of myself. And my daughter's sweet, innocent voice only served to remind me of what a dog I was.
After dressing, I came downstairs. My daughter was in the kitchen. "I'm making your favorite, daddy," she said, "pasta."
Shawna, now changed into jeans and a t-shirt sat at the table in the dining room, with her nose buried in a book.
"Have a nice shower dad?" she giggled slightly, eyeing me over the top of the book.
I winced.
"Oh, I..uh...yes..." I said, almost stammering. I looked away.
"Dinner will be done in a minute," my daughter said, coming out to greet me.
Hugging her, I stepped back. At 18, she had become a beautiful young woman. Both Lisa and Shawna had grown into beautiful girls. They'd done well I school and both of them were getting top grades at college.
I was so very proud of both my daughter and her best friend, my second "daughter."
"Sit down daddy," Lisa said, "I'll get dinner."
With that, I pulled out a chair and sat at the table opposite Shawna.
She smiled at me.
I felt dirty again, then pushed it away hoping she didn't notice.
Lisa brought the food to the table and sat down at the end of it, as we all fixed out plates and dug in to eat.
The food made me feel better. Maybe I was just hungry. But at the back of my mind, I knew better. Regardless, I pushed it away. I didn't often have the chance to spend quality time with my girls these days, and I wanted to enjoy it.
"So daddy," my daughter said between mouthfuls, smiling at me. "We were thinking that you might want to come with us to the beach tomorrow."
"Oh, well, I..." I said, not sure what to say.
"C'mon, dad," Shawna grinned. "It'll be fun. Plus, there's probably gonna be some hot ladies there."
I blushed.
"I don't know girls," I said. I really did have a lot to get done before we went out to celebrate their birthdays. They'd both turned 18 at school, and I wanted to make up for not being able to be there.
"Daddy..." Lisa said firmly, putting her fork down. "You work all the time. You always have ever since mom died. You don't go out. You never have any fun. Please, come with us?"
My daughter's eyes were so gentle, so sweet. In them, I still saw my little girl. How could I refuse?
"Okay," I said giving in. "But don't be embarrassed by your old man," I chuckled.
"Stop it daddy" Lisa said. "You're not old."
"Yeah dad," Shawna chimed in with a mouth full of food. A stray strand of spaghetti found its way down her chin. Noticing it, she sucked it back in with a slurping sound. Both girls giggled.
Some things never change.
During dinner, I relaxed and was nearly able to forget about my incident in the shower. Afterwards, we played several games of Yahtzee, then retired to the family room to watch a movie. With Lisa and Shawna on either side of me...I felt good. I felt normal.
It was good to have my girls around me again. I missed them so when they were gone to college.
As the movie wore on, I found myself lost in thought. My daughter was right. Since her mother died, I'd basically become a hermit of sorts. I'd spent the last ten years working constantly to provide for her. But in a way, I supposed, I'd thrown myself into my work...working two jobs, to avoid the alternative...thinking about my wife.
I had to be strong for Lisa all those years. And it was only by blessing that Shawna had become so close to us. I firmly believed that it was Shawna's constant companionship that pulled Lisa through those early years without her mother.
I will always be grateful to Shawna for that. She'd become a second daughter to me, and I loved her like a real daughter.
I'd always thought of Lisa and Shawna as "my girls."
"Daddy?" Lisa's voice broke my reverie.
Opening my eyes, I focused.
"You're falling asleep, why don't you go to bed?"
It was true. I had nodded off. I was getting on in the years now, I thought. Both girls were young adults, and work was taking a toll on me these days.
After bidding the girls good night, I ambled up the stairs to my bedroom. It was the same room, same bed that I had shared with my wife.
Now it was just mine.
Stripping, I turned out the light and slipped beneath the covers. When my wife was alive, she always left a small nightlight on in the socket on the wall. The bulb had burned out long ago, and I never replaced it. With her gone, I didn't need it...but could never quite bring myself to pull it out of the wall.
Turning on my side, I thought about my wife. I wondered what she'd say about the job I had done raising our daughter on my own. I wondered if she'd be happy. Thinking about how my daughter had turned out though, I was sure she would.
And she'd have been happy knowing that Shawna had been there for her all those years.
Ten years had passed since her death, and while I had somehow managed...the nights were the worst. I missed her. Brushing a tear from my eye, I turned on my side and tried to sleep.
Suddenly, the picture of Shawna in the living room, wearing her sleep shirt and knee socks reappeared in my mind's eye. I saw her turning to face me, as the hem of her shirt rode up, revealing a quick peek between her pantiless legs.
My cock twitched under the covers.
No, I thought. I would not.
But Shawna remained, grinning wickedly at me.
"Hi dad," she said in my mind, lifting her sleep shirt slowly to reveal her neatly trimmed pubic hair.
I now had a full erection under the blankets.
"Wanna see me naked dad?" Fantasy Shawna said sweetly, smiling at me.
No. No. "No I don't," I whispered aloud to the empty bedroom. I did not want to see her naked.
But...I did.
"Wanna fuck me...dad?"
No. Please, stop, I said in my head to myself.
My cock throbbed, standing upright, pressing into the softness of the covers...it felt...it felt almost like the soft folds of a young pussy around the head of it.
In my mind, Shawna lifted her shirt over her head and pulled it off.
Standing naked before me in just her knee socks, she smiled wickedly. My eyes gorged on her firm, young breasts. Capped by pink aureole, I imagined her nipples as hard little nubs...jutting away, pointy, from her chest.
