It's more common than you'd imagine. And it's not from lack of trying, I can assure you. Quite the opposite.
I've had a lot on my mind, I guess.
Exams. Climate change. The heat death of the universe. Boys. One boy in particular, really, but we'll get to that later.
What I'm trying to say, in a round about way, is that the one thing I really needed, the one thing that might have helped make all the other problems bearable, is the one thing I couldn't have. Try as I might.
And, boy, did I try.
--
"It's time to accept it, my life is over."
"You're being dramatic," Tim laughed, "what's the big problem?"
That's my older brother, Tim. It's amazing the difference a few seconds can make. We're twins but you'd never guess it.
Sure, we've both got crazy blonde hair, but that's where the similarities end. Tim has the easy going attitude of a surfer dude and the body to match. Six-two and built like Adonis. The kind of guy all your girlfriends want to fuck. And don't they let me know it.
I'm five-two. Short and sweet. Neurotic, anxious, and just a tiny bit dramatic. Flat chested but a killer ass.
"What's the problem? I got ten thousand problems. I got little bitty mole hill problems."
Tim glanced around the bar, blushing, as I pointed to my modest chest, "Syke..."
"And I've got problems so big they make you wanna get swallowed by a black hole. That's problem number eight hundred and six. They're out there, you know, and they're fucking invisible!"
"You've got a lot of problems," Tim acknowledged, waving down the barman for another round.
"Correctamundo. So what I don't need is some admissions officer rejecting my scholarship. How am I going to afford university now?"
Tim slid a vodka and soda in front of me.
"Are you even listening," I cried, "I can't pay for that, you know?"
"Don't worry about it, kiddo. I got you. Something will come up. It always does."
--
Your chances of meeting a crazy person on the Northern Line are always pretty high. Those odds double after midnight.
It's one of the fun quirks of the London Underground.
You get used to it.
Even so, the businessman smiling unnervingly at us gave me the heebee-geebees. You NEVER smile at anyone on the underground. That's a rule. You can get banned for that shit.
"Madam, do you have a minute?"
Tim and I looked up and down the platform. There was only the businessman and us. Code red.
"We already support Cancer Research, bro," Tim cut in, "and a donkey in Botswana."
"He's lactose intolerant." I explained.
"It's not that," the businessman smiled, "I'd like to offer you a great opportunity."
"Really, dude, she's not interested."
"Madam, would you like to play a game with me?"
"Back off, man. I said she's not..."
Tim's words died off.
The businessman had opened his briefcase. Inside were three thick stacks of twenty pound notes.
"You've played chicken before, haven't you?"
I nodded.
"I will give you a thousand pounds each time you win."
"There's easier ways to get a girl to kiss you, dude."
"Not me," the businessman smiled at Tim, "you."
"I'm in a really bad mood today," I warned the businessman, "if this is some kind of stitch up, I'm probably going to throw you onto the tracks."
The businessman smiled.
"All we have to do is not pull away and we get a thousand pounds?"
The businessman nodded.
Tim and I glanced at each other.
"It's a lot of money."
"It would cover a term of tuition fees."
I really needed that money.
"Kind of weird though."
"It's just a game." I reasoned.
"But you're my sister."
My shoulders slumped.
"I guess it wouldn't be so bad." Tim weakened.
I looked at Tim. Was he suggesting what I thought he was suggesting.
"Just until the clock is up?"
"One minute." The businessman confirmed.
"A minute isn't so long..." Tim pondered.
But Tim was wrong. A lot can change in a minute.
--
Ten seconds. It's fine. A peck on the lips. Totally normal in France.
Twenty seconds. But we're not in France.
Thirty seconds. And that boy I mentioned earlier?
Forty seconds. Uhuh. You guessed it.
Fifty seconds. This was a dream come true.
Sixty seconds. I was kissing my crush.
--
"That's time."
The businessman handed me a wedge of notes. I flicked through the twenties then held one up to the light to check the watermark.
"It's the real deal."
"All we have to do is kiss again?" Tim asked, looking uncharacteristically flustered.
"This time with tongues."
"That wasn't the deal, man."
The businessman shrugged.
"Please, Tim." I begged, "I could really use this money."
He sighed.
"Okay then."
"Ready?"
"As I'll..."
I reached up on tip toes and planted another kiss on Tim's lips before he could change his mind. His mouth was half open, making it easy for my tongue to tentatively slip in.
My tummy somersaulted when I felt his tongue exploring mine. He was cautious to begin with but as the seconds dragged on it started to feel, sort of, not natural exactly, I was frenching my brother after, but, well, hot.
It was hot as fuck.
I'll admit it. I lost my cool.
My tongue did a full survey of my brother's mouth, twirling around his like we were dancing the salsa.
"Time."
Reluctantly I pulled away from my brother, wiping away the bridge of saliva that momentarily hung between our lips.
The businessman was smiling encouragingly. The little pervert was really getting his rocks off. And he wasn't the only one. I could feel a wet heat in my knickers as he handed me the second stack.
"What's next, creep?" I asked.
The businessman extracted the final stack of twenties from the suitcase.
"You kiss again, the same as before," the businessman said as he removed a false bottom from the briefcase to reveal four more stacks of twenties, "another grand for each minute you continue."
"What the fuck, man?" Tim was clearly ruffled. "Let's bounce Skye."
"But, Tim, that's seven THOUSAND pounds."