Thick fog rolling in from the Pacific totally hid Golden Gate Bridge. It was early morning. I expected the sun to disperse the fog. Do fogs disperse or do they lift or maybe they just roll back.
I am Meruli, an 18 year old immigrant to the States. I have come to study. My brother Noel, who is three years older, came a year earlier. He is also in school. He is in San Francisco. I came three months ago to Memphis. The locals do not think much of the school that has given me a seat. In my view it is the greatest school in this country for it gave me the chance to be near my brother. It took me three months after coming here to be able to see him. He was waiting for me at the Greyhound station in SF. I jumped out into his arms and we hugged.
The fog is becoming denser and is advancing. May be my brother and I would soon be hidden too. That would be something I would not have imagined could happen at sea level. In my mountainous country it is very common. My country is tiny compared to even one of the smaller states in the U.S. I will not bother you with its name. You are certain not to have heard of it. A member of our school quiz team had not heard of it either. Neither did he know the name of my mother tongue. Our language is in the UNESO list of languages in danger of extinction. There are only about 100000 people who speak it. Like all people we are passionate about our mother tongue. We love it so much that we all have to go to the top of a peak that is sacred to us and swear that we will keep our language alive by teaching our children to speak it even if we are in another country. Many of my people have left to work in countries more prosperous than ours.
I am on one of the wooden seats well away from the park. My brother is standing at the edge of the road watching a ship as large as a building sail towards the bridge. Soon it will pass under the bridge invisible to us but no doubt visible to the captain's instruments.
Noel is a handsome man. He is tall and virile but is very soft natured. I love my brother. Nothing strange especially if he is, as it is in my case, the only sibling. But I do not love him as a sister loves her brother but like a girl loves her lover. Ever since I was old enough to think of men he has been my fantasy objectβmy only fantasy object.
We have never had quarrels so common among siblings. This has been so since our nursery days. He was so kind to me that he often allowed me to join in his games with other boys. I believe younger sisters wanting to join brothers in their games is the greatest pain in the neck for boys. My brother not only allowed but at times even invited me to join. He was as I have said my love object. I like to think that he loved me too in the same way but avoided doing so with an effort because it was unnatural. I did not have any such inhibitions. I loved him without any feeling of guilt.
One morning I had a funny experience. I dream a lot. It was winter and I was cosily in bed. We do not have central heating. A fire place and blankets keep us warm in our freezing winter. I dreamt that my brother and I were hugging and passionately kissing on the lips. My chest was bare and he was fondling me. Suddenly it stuck me that I was no longer dreaming but continuing my dream in fantasy. I closed my eyes and continued the fantasy. He fondled and then he sucked. I did not have the courage to take it all the way. Anyway I had to stop for I could hear mother calling 'Meru', 'Meru.' From then on I am able to continue my dream in fantasy. Often I do not know which is which.
Our house is a small one on a ledge of the steep mountain side. My brother has a room to himself. I share mother's room. My father passed away when I was five years old. We are well off by the standard of our country. We have goats that find a way to live on our cliffs. We make goat cheese that we sell in the market in a nearby town. The goat cheese that comes from the particular slope we live in is famous and fetches a good price. The rows and rows of cheese that I find on the shelves of the American super markets are amazing. Blue cheese and green cheese and cheese with holes in it and so on and on. But no, our cheese does not find a place here.
My brother is a physical fitness addict. I often sit in his room as he does his dumb bell and other exercises. He wears short shorts that they call jocks here for his gym work. I will sit and watch his muscles glistening with sweat. More than his muscles I like the bulge of his genitals. I will be in high state of sexual excitement. Under my knickers I usually place a pad on these occasions for I secrete so much vaginal juice that the pad will be soaked dripping wet. When it is over I will go to the bathroom and press my thighs together and move my pelvis forwards and backwards. I will be in such a state of arousal that even that amount to stimulation will bring me to orgasm.
While masturbating I of course think of my brother and nothing else. I imagine that he is hugging me and we are kissing and he is playing with my breasts and sucking my nipples. As I have said earlier I never had the courage to imagine having sex. Then one day it changed.
My brother's room is tiny, not more than six feet by eight feet. It has two doors to it, one from outside and the other from the room where I stay with my mother. Our door is usually closed. One afternoon our room door was slightly ajar; less than an inch but enough for me to peep. That day mother had gone to the market and I had freedom to peek. If mother had been at home I could not have peeped for she is all the time moving about the house. Brother was in the room reading a glossy picture magazine. The girl on the cover was quite naked. I believe all young men have pictures of nude women, but I have not seen my brother's collection. I squatted on the floor watching eagerly as my brother turned the pages of the magazine. I could not see his eyes as he had his head turned to my side but I could imagine his eyes popping. He has large eyes that glint with affection especially when he is looking at me. His penis was tenting his trousers. Now he did something that made me gasp, thankfully not audibly. He pulled down his trousers and his knickers and took his penis out. I have seen his penis when he was young but not after he reached manhood. This erect one was monster. It was curving backwards and the veins on it surface were like giant worms.
All this happened months ago but I shiver even as I write. He held his penis in his hands and moved it over the rose. He was masturbating. He did it first slowly for a while and then he speeded up, and then he ejaculated. Blobs of whitish creamy fluid spurted out. I have never seen semen before. Now I not only saw but smelt it. It has a sort of funny odour. He wiped himself with a towel and withdrew. I had to lie down for I was trembling. I rubbing my clitoris with my fingers and pressing my thighs together I gave myself an orgasm.
When I saw him an hour later I made eye contact with some hesitation.
"Why that smile?" he said.
"What smile," I said.
"The smile you just now flashed. It is different."