I waited in my room until long after the house had quieted down. I lay in darkness on my bed, still dressed in jeans and t-shirt from the day. From my own room, half-way down the landing, I could imagine the others slowly falling asleep. Mom and Dad were upstairs, the master bedroom at the far end of the corridor. My sister's room was just next door.
My thoughts were flooded. Firstly with memories of sitting on the couch that evening, my sister changing the channels to find an erotic show on cable, and then stroking herself off in my arms to its images of lust and violence. And then with how Mom had come downstairs in her nightgown, ostensibly for something she had forgotten, but in fact to talk with me. An intimate talk. It was the contents of that conversation, about Mandy's breakup with a boy a couple of months earlier, that was now forefront in my mind. Or at least was my excuse.
Finally, I rose from my bed, quietly opened the door, and, in stocking feet, ascended the landing to sneak along the corridor towards Mandy's room. The only light was from the night-light on the landing behind me.
Her door seemed closed, but as I put my hand to the hand-drawn sign she had proudly placed on its panel several years earlier - Mandy's Sanctuary - I discovered she had left it open a crack. It slid wider at my pressure. Inside I could see light cast across the room from the 70's lava-lamp that she had recently picked up at a garage sale. Her bed was in shadow, but it softly illuminated the rock-star posters on her walls, and the line of stuffed animals - mostly giraffes - across her window sill. Clothes lay strewn on a chair - Including, I guessed, the tight pants and creamy top she had put on for the evening she had shared with me. An evening of sitting on the couch together - with her nestled between my thighs, and stroking herself off to the raw images on the t.v.
But, I told myself - trying to ignore the sensual draw of these images - what was leading me to her room was what Mom had shared with me at the end of the evening. About the last few months, tough months, for my sister.
I stepped over the threshold, glad of my bare feet, and gently closed the door behind. As the handle clicked shut, I heard Mandy shift in the bed, and then all was quiet again. I forced myself to venture forward and to the side of her bed. She was sleeping on her side, face turned away, sheet half-down to reveal a faded t-shirt, loose-hair splayed across her pillow. I sat on the bed beside her, and as my weight gently shifted the mattress, she stirred again.
"Hmmm, is that you Mom?"
My heart pounded. "Uh, no Sis, it's me..."
Mandy's head turned sharply toward me, and there was a long pause. Her face was in shadow, but I had the sense of her drinking me in with her eyes. It seemed her body started to respond, but not in the usual way of awakening. Instead, she seemed, even from the soft state of slumber, to become if anything more languid. Finally she rolled over, slow and unhurried, as if pouring that girlish body - supple as a gymnast - around to face me.
"Hi John," she said finally, soft but clear. "You're here in my room."
There was no accusation in her tone, but still I felt awkward. Awkward and yet also excited. It did feel wonderfully forbidden - and yet welcoming. I settled my weight more fully onto the bed as Mandy curled on her side once again, this time facing me.
"I, uh, just wanted to..." I started.
"Yes?"
"Um, isn't that the t-shirt you got from Aunt Penny?"
My sister glanced down at the faded cloth covering her narrow chest. In the dim light I could just make out, in large yellow lettering, the word PRINCE.
"Uh huh. Can you imagine what that concert would have been like, John, live?" I could hear the excitement pick up in her previously sleepy voice, and I followed the movement of her tousled head over to the wall. It was too dark to make it out, but I knew that tacked there in place of honor was the Musicology 2004 Tour poster which Mom's sister had given Mandy one year as a birthday gift.
"Yeah. Our crazy aunt. Must indeed have been pretty wild. I wonder how she got to be so different from Mom."
"Mom?" Mandy responded. "She might surprise you."
I didn't reply to that statement. Mandy might be right. And anyway, it was time I explained why I had sneaked into her room in the middle of the night.
"Um, speaking of Mom, she mentioned something that kind of took me by surprise..."
"She did?" Mandy sounded cautious.
"Um, yeah, that...that you'd had kind of a hard time? At school. These last few months?"
"Oh, that? That's what she told you about?"
"Yeah, she said that you were seeing a boy? But it didn't work out?"
"Um, yes, you could say that."
"Why didn't you tell me about it? What happened?"
"Um, you've moved out to college, in case you haven't noticed. Not sure when I would have told you."
"Oh Mandy, you could have called. Any time."
"I assumed you've been pretty busy. I know that's a pretty full load you've taken on. And anyway, there's not much you could have done."
"I could have cared!" I was surprised by my own bluntness. Maybe Mandy was too, because she paused, and then continued more softly.
"I guess. I guess I wasn't sure John. Would you have?"
I leaned forward, my hand seeking her arm in the darkness. My throat felt like I was choking, but I forced out the words.
"Hey, Sis, what the fuck happened?"
"Oh John. Just the usual I suppose. You know. Girl comes on to boy. He turns out to not be into her. She feels like an idiot."
"For months? Were you dating?"
"Well, we were seeing each other. I guess you would say we were an item at school."
"Since?"
"Since January."
