So Here I Am Ch 05

Sorry, no sex in this chapter, just some insight into relationships and motivations.

Thank you always Mrsgnomie, your continued assistance is deeply appreciated. For those of you reaching out to encourage me, please continue. I love hearing from my fellow LitE fans and your input is valuable to me. Thank you.

"I don't know what I should do. He just stared, didn't even try to turn away or leave."

Shawna and I had begun having coffee together on Saturday mornings and we had quickly become friends and confidants. On our second coffee date, we got a little close and she kissed me. We had kissed for a minute or two, pulled away, and looked into each other's eyes. I held myself still for nearly a minute before I started laughing.

She had looked at me like I was an alien or something and then busted out laughing herself. I caught my breath, and looked her over, "Well damn. That felt kind of like kissing my sister or something."

Wiping her eyes, caught her breath and nodded. "Yep. I got nothing from that." She quickly added; "It was a good kiss, just not..." she waved her hands in little circles, looking up like she was searching for something.

"Nope, I'm with you. It was good, just not stimulating, I guess."

We laughed a little and talked about it some more, deciding we were better suited as friends, not lovers. With no other expectations looming over us, it didn't take long for us to become dependent on one another as someone to confide in, discussing things we weren't comfortable sharing with someone else. I was a mature man alone in a new town and she was a single mom, devoted to caring for her only child. Neither of us had other close friends and we genuinely liked each other so we came together like magnets.

Right now, she was sitting across from me at her little kitchen table, coffee in hand, staring into her cup. Wearing a baggy V-neck tee shirt and yoga pants, telling me about Jack seeing her nude. I sipped my coffee and considered her story:

She came out of the shower, drying her hair. Not realizing her son Jack had been home she hadn't bothered to close her bedroom door. She dropped the towel to the floor and looked up to see Jack in her doorway, mouth agape, eyes wide, staring at her naked body. She said she was so shocked that she froze for a few seconds, staring at him staring at her

"He just stared, and I saw him

growing

in his shorts." She took another sip, set her cup down, leaned back in her chair, and rubbed her hand across her face. "What am I going to do?"

I sipped my coffee and considered her predicament. "First thing; don't make him feel bad about it. He's a 20-year-old man, and you are a very attractive woman. Of course, his initial reaction to seeing you naked is going to be absorbing as much as the sight as possible." She looked up at me and I grinned at her. "Hell, I'd stare at you too if I saw you naked out of the shower."

She chuckled and stuck her tongue out at me. "But you're a dirty old man, I would expect nothing less from you."

"True that." I grinned at her and waggled my eyebrows.

"I guess my real problem is... I don't feel bad about it, and I think I feel bad about

not

feeling bad. I'm his

mother

, I should feel something other than what I was feeling."

"What exactly were you feeling?" I asked as I leaned forward.

"I think I liked it." She whispered. Looking up at me she fixed me with a stare. "My nipples got hard realizing that he was getting aroused. My mind was screaming at me to cover up or run, but part of it was thinking; '

he can see your nipples getting hard

.' And then I was thinking that maybe I should have trimmed my bush when I was in the shower."

She grinned and I started laughing. I got up, grabbed the coffee pot, and topped off our cups. "You know how I feel about it. Nothing wrong as long as both parties are good with it, and fuck me if I don't want to add that scene to my spank bank."

"JP! You are incorrigible!" she glared at me and started laughing.

"Let's see if I can sum up the issue to see if we have a mutual understanding of things."

"Go ahead, mansplain it to me" She was grinning and waving her hand in a 'get on with it' gesture.

I gave her a disapproving look, "I know you're mistakenly bothered by events so I

won't

take offense at your hormone-induced attack on my character." I ducked the kitchen towel she threw at me.

"This is how I'm seeing it; you are a loving, devoted mother. Your only focus for the past 20 years has been to care for your son the best way you could. You worked hard to ensure he was well cared for. You sacrificed your personal life to a large degree to make sure he was your focus.

Add to that, you are an exhibitionist in denial. You and I have talked about this. You like being seen, being watched, and since you don't date, that kink is frustrating; but it's still there. Add that to that your depth of love for Jack, so it's not unreasonable that him seeing you naked could turn you on. I understand you're trying to convince yourself that it is wrong, because society says it's supposed to be wrong, but that doesn't change the truth that it feels kind of right."

"I just don't know what to do." She slumped a little, sadness darkening her face.

"I can't tell you what you should do. You need to follow whichever path you feel comfortable with. But I will tell you is this; it is important to Jack's well-being and the health of your relationship with him, that you make sure he doesn't feel bad about seeing you. If you approach him like he did something wrong, or that you felt bad about it, it'll do more harm than good. Guilt over something that was an accident, something that was

enjoyable

, will not turn out well for either of you."

"You don't think he... did something, do you"

"Are you asking me if I think he jacked off with visions of his naked mother in his head?" I chuckled, "Hell yes, he did! Pretty much any boy would."

She opened her mouth to retort, but the front door opened and Jack walked in and called out; "Mom! I'm back!"

Shawna quickly schooled her expression. "We're in the kitchen sweetie"

Jack walked into the kitchen, giving me side-eye as he bent down and kissed his mom on the cheek. "Good morning, I'm sorry I wasn't here when you got up. I had to meet up with Sofie to go over their site designs and get any changes they wanted."

Shawna gave him a little hug "That's okay baby, we were just having our Saturday coffee." She looked up at him and gestured to me; "You could say hello to JP you know."

"Oh, yeah, hey JP, you here again?"

"Yep, I'm here again" I smiled mischievously, "just like nearly every Saturday morning, and probably every Saturday morning from now until eternity." He gave me a blank look and Shawna chuckled. "About that, I'm feeling a bit guilty for always coming here for coffee, so why don't I take your mom out for brunch today to even the score? What do you think Shawna? Are you up for some food this morning?"

I smiled at the dark look Jack shot my way.

"Sure! I don't have to be at work until 3 so that gives us plenty of time to enjoy brunch. You don't mind if I head out for a while do you Jack?"

"Um, no. I guess you need to eat. I'm just going to be in my room working on the revisions to the designs."

"Okay then, I'm going to go take a quick shower and dressed, and then we can head out. Jack, why don't you sit and keep JP company while I get ready?"

I almost broke out laughing at the look Jack gave me.

Man, this kid doesn't like me at all.

"I think he'll be okay by himself"

"Nonsense. Be nice and hang out while I get ready." With that, she got up and made her way to her room. Jack sighed, turned, and looked at me for a moment.

"So. You fucking my mom or what?"

Oh, so he's jealous...

It makes sense. Everything she's told me about him started to coalesce in a clear picture in my head of a young man infatuated with his mother, whom he's had to himself for his entire life. I sat for a moment and looked at him. I was trying to decide how I wanted to respond. I didn't want to add to his apparent animosity and possibly damage my friendship with Shawna or his relationship with her. But neither did I reckon I could let some boy come at me like that.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Is she spreading herself for your old dick?"

I looked him dead in the eye, and pointed to the chair he was standing behind, "Sit down."

"I'm fine standing, thank you very much." He glared at me; challenge written all over his face. I sighed;

Fine, he wants to make this a dick-swinging contest. Well, my little dick doesn't need to swing and I'm too fucking old to be challenged by a petulant child.

I took a sip of my coffee, looked at him over the tops of my glasses, and very quietly said "I told you to sit your ass down, I'd suggest you take a seat before I put you in it. I'm going to tell you a couple of things so you're going to sit down, shut your mouth, and listen. Do you understand me?"

He glared at me for a moment more, then dropped his gaze and slid into the chair. "Fine, talk."

I took a deep breath to calm myself. "First thing is; I'm

not

sleeping with your mother. We are good friends and enjoy each other's company, as friends and

friends only

. The other thing is..."

I paused and looked at him for a moment until I knew I had his attention, "Your mother is a lovely lady who works hard, and has done so for many years, to provide you with a loving, comfortable home. She has devoted herself to you to the exclusion of her own needs. Because of this, and the fact that she

is your mother

, she does not deserve to be disrespected by you or anyone else. So, if I hear you talk to her, or about her, like that again,

I will knock you the fuck out

."

Shock, anger, recognition, guilt... all crossed his face in waves as he stared at me.

"Do you understand me, young man?"

He dropped his eyes, took a deep breath, and looked back at me. "You're right, I'm sorry. Sometimes I get... I get..."

"Jealous. You get jealous."

"Yeah."

"Trust me, I understand. I felt much the same way when my mom dated. It's normal."

"It doesn't feel normal though, it feels... weird, and it's making me crazy."

"Yeah? It feels a bit more than a son not wanting his mom to date? I have a feeling you're thinking of her as more than just your mom, aren't you?"

The look of surprise on his face would have been hilarious if it hadn't been followed by the look of terror. "Hey, relax. It's not that big of a surprise, and I honestly don't blame you for feeling that way." He shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable, and scared.

"Don't worry, I won't say anything to her, your feelings are yours to deal with. Just know that she would be willing to hear you out, without judgment, if you chose to talk to her about it. She loves you deeply and will always be there for you regardless. If it helps, I'm willing to talk to you about it as well if you want me to."

I studied him for a moment and an idea occurred to me. "You know, it wouldn't be a bad idea if you picked up your game around here."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it would be a help to her, and it would make her unbelievably happy if you did more work around the house. It may or may not make a difference in the

way

she feels about you going forward, but it wouldn't hurt.

I know from talking to her that she does pretty much everything around here except the yard work. Don't you think she would appreciate it if she came home from work to find a meal ready for her, the house cleaned, the laundry done? Stuff like that?"

"But she always says that's her job. She says that because I work on my web design and give her money for rent, although she doesn't want it, I don't need to do any of that stuff."

"Yeah, I get it; 'Mom always takes care of it so I don't need to worry about it.'

I guess it doesn't matter that she works on her feet all night, it's not a big deal for her to come home and clean up after you. Is it?"

I looked at Jack, "I think, if you feel about her the way you think you do, you should man up a bit and start doing things a real man does for the woman he loves. Cook for her, and do some of the chores around the house. Show her she means as much to you as you do to her."

Jack sat silent for a minute, drawing little circles on the table with his finger. "I, uh, don't... I don't know how to do any of that stuff."

I considered him closely, as he looked up at me. His eyes were watery and his lower lip trembled a little.

Fuck, just looking at him was about to make me start crying. "Okay, I understand that. Either she refused to teach you these things, or you never bothered to try the learn them."

"She tried to show me... I just didn't care about doing them."

"Well, you are in luck. I have decades of experience doing domestic chores, and if you want to learn, I'd be happy to teach you."

"Really? Why would you want to do that?"

"I've already told you why. Your mom and I are good friends and her relationship with you is very important to her and that makes it important to me. Plus, your feelings for her aren't just going to go away and if there is a chance those feelings can benefit her, and her relationship with you, I want to help make that happen.

Does that sound like a good plan to you?"

"Yeah, it does sound like a good plan. Thank you. And I'm, um, sorry for being a dick."

We heard Shawna coming down the hall so we stopped talking, stood up, and waited for her to come into the kitchen. "Did you guys have a nice chat while I was gone?" Jack looked at me with near panic in his eyes.

"Yeah, we did. Jack was explaining a little about his web design business. It's pretty interesting stuff when you get into the nuts and bolts of it."

'Well let's get going, I'm pretty hungry." She hugged Jack, "We won't be gone too long. I do have to work this afternoon."

We got to my car and I opened the door for Shawna and let her in. Told her that I left my wallet in her kitchen and went back to the house. I opened the door and called for Jack. "Hey, if you want me to come this afternoon, give me a call. I gave him my number and left.

The ride to the little diner was short, and we didn't talk a lot until we got settled at our booth and had ordered our breakfasts. "Was Jack, okay? Did he say anything? He seemed a little off when we left."

"He was fine. He was a little jealous of our time together, but I explained our friendship and he's okay with it. He was pretty friendly after that."

"Jealous huh?" A slight smile turned up the corner of her mouth.

"Maybe you should consider being a little more casual around the house." As I said it, I busied myself with the cutlery, acting like what I was saying was just an off-hand comment. Shawna didn't buy my act though.

"What do you mean 'more casual'? Are you suggesting I do something naughty?" she giggled a bit and pushed my shoulder.

"Well... I just thought, if Jack happened to catch a glimpse of panties or cleavage once in a while, it wouldn't hurt him."

"You are being naughty!" she laughed and shoved my shoulder again. "What do you think I should do? Do you think it would freak him out?"

Laughing at her I said; "I think you would find him developing bladder control issues that would have him going into the bathroom quite often. I also think you should invest in a new vibrator. You'll probably need it knowing you caused his bladder control issues."

Shawna laughed out loud. "Shame on you!" she gasped as she tried to gather herself. "I doubt it will

cum

to that." She looked at me, trying to fight the urge, but neither one of us could stop, we both busted out laughing. I noticed that her hearty laughter didn't hide the stiffness of her nipples poking through the front of her blouse.

Hmm.... Braless and aroused, I like it

.

The rest of our meal was spent in relative silence, a smile and occasional chuckle threatening to bring us both to the edge of losing it. I realized I hadn't had that much fun in quite a while and thanked god that I had made a friend like her.

I dropped her at her house and made my way home. I got naked, lay on my bed, and passed the time reading LitE, wondering if Jack would call.

It was about 3:30 when my phone rang. I checked the caller ID, smiled to myself, and opened the call, "Hey Jack, how can I help?"

"I hope I'm not bothering you, but you said I could call..."

"Not a problem, what do you need?"

"I'm trying to do the laundry but I'm not sure how to do it right."

"I can walk you through it, but it would be easier to show you."

"Do you mind? I want to do this stuff right."

"No worries, I'll be right over. Just hang tight."

I slipped on my sweats and slides, grabbed a few beers out of my fridge, and headed over.

Jack and I got the laundry sorted out, I showed him how to do everything, and explained the ins and outs of laundering clothes.

We grabbed a beer and sat in the kitchen talking about various chores he could do to help out his mom. I walked him through the basics of most of the general cleaning around the house until the load was done. We put the load in the dryer.

"Do you think you got this now?"

Smiling, at me he blushed a little, "It isn't as hard as I thought it would be. I'm kind of embarrassed that I didn't learn this before."

"Don't sweat it" I said. "Your mom probably would have been happy doing this for you for the rest of her life. You'll have to come to terms with that you didn't take the initiative and step up. In the real world, a woman wants a man who can care for himself, and, even if she doesn't want or need him to, can take care of her as well.

So, what's the plan for dinner?"

"I'm not sure. I know the basics and can cook a few things, but that's another thing I never put any effort into."

"So... let's see what you got and figure something out that you can do so she has a hot meal waiting for her when she gets home." I went into the kitchen and rummaged around the cupboards and refrigerator, asking if there was anything she knew really liked, or didn't like.

After a few minutes of debate and ingredient confirmation, we settled on chicken stir fry on a bed of saffron rice. We got everything together and I walked him through techniques, timing, and presentation. I had flashbacks of doing similar things with my children, although they were quite a few years younger when I taught them how to do this stuff.

I looked at my watch, realizing that the afternoon had sped by. I helped jack fold, hang, and put away all the clothes. "You should think about dressing up a bit for tonight, make it seem more special.

"Should I wear a tie and stuff?"

I laughed, "No. No tie, no dress shoes. Just some normal pants instead of sweats and a shirt with buttons maybe. Let your mom know that you put some extra thought into this. I know from talking to her that you normally hang out in whatever you picked up off your floor and usually grab what she cooked and slink off to your room to eat.

I'm telling you now that if you want to get the relationship with your mom that I think you want, you need to make it evident to her that she is important to you and worth your time."

He fidgeted for a minute, looking down at his feet, "Thank you for helping me with this. It means a lot to me." He looked up; his eyes were shiny. "I've never had anyone other than mom. I barely remember my dad, and from a few comments I heard from mom, I'm pretty glad I don't.

I stepped up to him and put my arms around him. He stiffened a bit but relaxed as I held him tighter. "Jack, you're a good kid. I know you haven't had a man here to teach you some things, but your mom did an excellent job of bringing you up. I'm just glad I can help you out with some of this. She deserves you putting in the effort to make her happy."