(To fully understand this story, please see Chapter 1.)
They straightened the room when they got back, and while Jessica took a quick shower, Ann drew a bath and had just settled into its soapy warmth when Jessica, wearing a white terry cloth robe and a toweled turban sat down on the toilet seat next to the bath. Neither said anything for a moment, both enjoying the proximity and silence.
âItâs funny what you said, mum.â
âAbout what?â
âAbout your juices.â
Ann wanted to slip beneath the water, to make it cleanse her of her shame but her daughter sensed this and kissed her motherâs shoulder with a warm and encouraging smile.
Her words were decidedly frank, as if there was no possible need for inhibition. âWhen I was about 11 or 12, I think it was about then, I was downstairs just fooling around, I donât remember what I was doing, it isnât important, but I was in the laundry room and I saw a pair of your panties on top of the hamper.â Jessica told the story to the wall, not wanting to look at her mother, not want to see her reaction. âThey were so different from mine. They were bigger, of course, but they were brighter, yellow, high cut yellow nylon panties, and softer and they were so pretty, so pretty like you. Anyway, after I looked at them for awhile I brought them to my nose and I smelled you. Iâll never forget that smell,â Jessica laughed, and she thought her mother did, too, âit wasnât like tonight, it was different.â She shrugged, âHard to explain, hard to explain smells that make you tingle with excitement. Anyway, I put those panties on, they didnât fit but I put your panties on and I wore them all around the house, even when I was beside you, touching you. It felt so great, it felt so exquisitely naughty. That was the first time I did that, the last time was about two days ago and Iâve been doing that off and on from that very first day. Why am I telling you this?â She knew why she was and didnât wait for her mother to speculate, âBecause youâre not alone, mum, I love your juices, too.â Then she got up and playfully pushed at her motherâs head, as a team mate might. âI donât blame you for smelling and licking yourself, mum, youâve got a great taste.â Then she left, leaving a mother alone with her very troubled thoughts.
It was late and they were hungry now so they ordered room service, something light. Jessica sat on the couch with the plate on her lap, her mother sat at the table. They nibbled at the food and drank their wine. There was a little nervousness in the air, a little tension. What did starting over mean? It could mean one thing to one and an entirely different thing to the other, but thatâs not what was on Ann Carterâs mind. No. Having pushed a personal matter, an entirely personal matter to the farthest reaches of her thoughts, she dwelled on her daughterâs conduct and it troubled her deeply. Jessica will have a long and she desperately hoped fabulously happy life ahead of her, but her animal passion could never be an ally. But how to discuss it? She tried a round about way of getting there, kind of coming at the problem from the rear.
âThis is none of my business, hon, and donât answer if you donât want to, but have you been sexually active.â
The daughter was not surprised by the question, only surprised that the inquiry was being made in her 23rd year and not in, say, her 16th when she understood it was normal. So her first thought was why now? And when she asked herself the question, the answer became obvious, but she thought sheâd make her mother work a bit for it.
âYes, Iâve been sexually active âŚ, sort of, a bit like you and lesbianism, I havenât had intercourse, but Iâve done pretty much everything else.â
âIs it difficult, is it difficult to hold off?â
âIntercourse?â Her mother nodded, âNo, not really, but Iâve decided to try,â when she saw her motherâs confusion she clarified, âtry to hold off. I want meds school, mum, I really, really want meds school and if I get there thatâll be another thousand years of school. I donât need a man in my life just now and I wonât fuck a man I donât want to spend a lot of time with.â There, how does that help you with your next question?
It didnât, Ann Carter didnât know what to say. If her daughter wasnât really engaging in sex how could the beast within her matter? Drop it, she said to herself, forget about it.
But Jessica had other plans. âI lost it tonight, mum, I know I did, I lost it, but it will be the last time in my life I do.â Her mother was about to say something, but she stopped her. âI want to tell you why I did. OK?
Her mother nodded, probably because even with the wine, her mouth was too dry for her to speak.
âIâve told you how much I wanted to be here with you, Iâve told you Iâve thought about you day and night for years, Iâve even admitted to wearing your panties,â she laughed but without a shred of self-consciousness, as if it meant nothing at all, âhell Iâve even admitted sniffing your panties! So how did you expect me to react when you seemed to toss me aside, treat me like some infatuated school girl? Well,â she laughed innocently, âI reacted like ⌠an infatuated school girl.â Then she got very serious. âBut that was only because I love you so deeply, mum, and you hurt me so much,â then she brightened as if she hadnât a care in the world, âbut, trust me, Iâm over that,â and she said, getting to her feet, âcome over here and Iâll show you.â
Ann Carter was surprised to find herself on her feet, so surprised that she thought about it. Why? But as she watched her daughter climb onto the bed she had her answer. This was no impressionable school girl, this was a bright, attractive, wonderful woman who knew precisely what she wanted, what she needed, and a woman who had the courage to go after it. Love, Ann thought, as she walked towards her daughter, has so many faces.