Chapter 01- The Makeover
The alarm clock buzzed annoyingly on my nightstand until I reached over and slapped it, snoozing it yet again. Sighing, I tried to go back to sleep, but inevitably my list of chores started running through my head, and not only was I not going to get any rest but if I didn't get up and get going then I was going to fall behind and probably be washing clothes until midnight!
'Life sucks!' I thought bitterly for only the millionth time.
If I could have my way, if it were at all possible, I'd sleep through as much of my royally ass fucked life as I can!
With another sigh, I flipped onto my side and found my husband's back clearly presented to me like the Chinese Wall saying, "Fuck you! Go away! Leave me alone!"
This was how he handled conflict, at least between him and I. We haven't spoken except in the most needed of circumstances, and as for his part of the communication, well, if an emoji could be an answer then it was. It was a good day when he communicated in more than single-syllable words.
Taking a deep breath I let it out slowly through my nose in a silent sigh before turning back over and getting out of bed. Forgoing a morning shower, I pulled off Stanley's oversized t-shirt I'd worn to bed.
Out of a deep sense of self-respect, I refuse to go to bed completely nude. It felt too much like begging for sex to me. However, usually, just the simple act of wearing Stanley's t-shirt with no panties was enough to get him grabbing my ass all night long at the least. Then, if I'm in the mood, at some point, the t-shirt comes off and we fuck like we're eighteen and twenty-five again.
Not anymore though.
Not in a long long long long time.
With another sigh, I pulled on comfortable full-bottomed panties and sheer black booty-boosting leggings. A sports bra. A tank top, and then ankle socks and running shoes before leaving the house and going jogging. I made it three miles before the sexual pressure of the shithole existence stopped me in my tracks.
I--just don't want to do this anymore!
A major part of me just wants to run as fast and as hard as I can away from my life and start over.
Fuck Stanley and his silent, sexless treatment of me!
Then, there was the other part of me that looked back at my life and said my life up until now would be a complete waste of time, effort, and love if I left Stanley. Twenty-eight years of being with him. Twenty-four years of marriage to a man that up until six months ago I never feared was cheating. Hell, I never even feared that he was thinking of cheating on me!
He's awkward and clingy and jovial and a prankster and frustrating and the most loving guy I've ever known. Hands down better than all of my friends' husbands. He worships the ground I walk on. He thinks I am a sex goddess. He put me up on pedestals. He's never hit me. He's never called me a bitch or cunt or any other word that he knows will hurt me. And then I wonder, what the fuck am I doing?!
Across the street, Dana's Diner sign flashed hypnotically beckoning me inside. Usually, I pass it by. There is nothing on their menu I can eat without gaining ten pounds, but today I don't care!
Pulling my phone out of the hip pocket of my leggings as I crossed the street, I called a friend. I seriously need to talk to someone, and of all my friends, I trust Jill the most. Besides, she has a Ph.D. in listening to people's problems.
Roughly thirty minutes later Jill sat across the table from me and idly scanned her menu as she asked, "Okay Eleanor, what's up? You sounded pretty desperate on the phone?"
"Let's see," I began with such bitterness in my voice, on the verge of bawling my eyes out, that Jill's attention immediately sharpened, "It has been six months now and Stanley hasn't so much as tried to fondle my breasts or pinch my ass! And as for sex! Yeah, right, that is nonexistent! Jill, I'm horny as hell, frustrated, and scared that I'm losing my family!"
"Really?" Jill replied thoughtfully, "Your whole family? I thought Stanley was head over heels for you girl. So, what's changed?"
"Everything! Nothing!" I cried in desperation.
"Really?" Jill replied doubtfully, "So if I ask you to tell me why Stanley is so angry with you that he has been unwilling to have sex with you for the last six months, you're telling me that you don't immediately know the how, when, where, and why everything changed?"
I froze in shock to have been so directly called out before shaking my head in denial.
"Oh my fucking god Eleanor!" Jill gasped in frustration, "So, you're one of those. I'm sorry Eleanor, but I can't help you. Nobody can."
"Wait?! What?" I gasped dazedly as if Jill had just reached across the table and slapped me, "Why? What am I one of?"