Amanda didn't want to believe in fate, but she did want to believe in family. A quick look at the course her life had taken might tempt a person to view events through a fateful lens. Married at 19, widowed with his two kids by the time she was 23, a grandmother before she was 30. Her family life wasn't exactly conventional. It seemed life kept throwing her one unexpected curve after another.
Daniel never really gave it much thought. At 18, he was just starting out, with the long road ahead. Sometimes he wondered if life had a plan for him, or what that plan might be, but he tended to live more in the moment.
No matter the circumstances, Amanda tried to take control. Sometimes, however, she got the sneaking suspicion that control is just an illusion. Take the mating instinct, for example. That damn thing had a way of nagging at her, and not taking "No" for an answer. Was biology just another form of destiny?
The way they figured it, the trip from Northern Michigan to the San Francisco Bay Area should take about 36 hours, alternating drivers and stopping only for bathroom breaks. Daniel was moving out West to go to school, and Amanda, his stepmother, would help him drive his car out there and then fly back.
She could have let him drive himself. That's what he wanted. But to do that he would have needed to get a hotel at some point, or else—and this is what Amanda assumed he'd do—try to do it without sleep, like most 18-year-olds, thinking he was immortal. She wanted him safe. Plus it would have seemed a little cold to send him off by himself. And a little shared adventure to mark the occasion of Daniel starting out on his own—and Amanda having an empty nest—just kind of felt right.
It had been seven years since Daniel's dad died, and three years since his older sister Tessa moved out for college. Amanda certainly never planned on spending her 20's raising two kids alone that weren't even hers by blood, but those were the cards she'd been dealt. Their biological mother had also been taken from them far too soon. So when David died, Amanda was all those kids had, and she stepped up and took care of them as if they were her own, even if in some ways she'd been more like a big sister, as she'd been mistaken for on more than one occasion.
Amanda was only 30. Still in her prime. She kept herself in great shape. She drew a fair amount of attention from men, of all ages really, including Daniel's friends. She was naturally blonde with striking pale gray eyes, and petite, still more cute than beautiful, although maturing very nicely. Her face had not grown harder, but somehow softer, wiser, and more kind. She radiated a relaxed and assured goodness.
Yet for all that, she did have her doubts and demons. It was probably a good thing Daniel was moving out.
Daniel was dark-haired, like his father. He had broad shoulders and was a little taller than average. He was great with math, good enough to earn a partial academic scholarship. He was not great with girls. The pieces were all there, but he lacked confidence. Nothing that a little experience couldn't cure. Daniel did have one girlfriend in high school, but that only lasted a couple of months before graduation.
Daniel's girlfriend was blonde, like Amanda was blonde, skinnier, and not quite as pretty. That April, Amanda found a used condom when emptying the garbage can from his bedroom. That seemed to indicate Daniel was no longer a virgin, but even of that much, Amanda couldn't be sure. She liked to think they were close, but there are some things most teenage boys don't really want to discuss with their mothers, or stepmothers, as the case may be.
Finding that condom was kind of a shock. It jolted Amanda into recalling what her sex life had been like with Daniel's father, David, and also how pretty much nonexistent it had been in the years since he died. Daniel's father: Ohmygod that man could fuck! She was young and didn't have much of a basis for comparison at the time, but she could never forget how fantastic their sex life had been. More than once he'd made her cum so hard she passed out. He was great looking too, 6'2", with thick, wavy hair, an incredible smile, and a beautiful, perfect cock.
When Amanda thought back, it was sad in a way, but so much of what she remembered about David was the sex. She remembered a lot of little things, sure, but how he made her feel was the strongest memory. They'd only been married three years before he died, not even long enough for them to get past the honeymoon phase. In fact, only weeks before he died they had started trying for more kids. But that was never to be.
There were lonely nights when she still missed David, and plenty of times when trying to take care of two kids and a house by herself had been hard. She had kept a couple of his shirts in her closet. They smell like him. But a couple of years ago she gave them to Daniel for Christmas. It seemed the logical and sensible thing to do, especially as Daniel started to grow into a man, and started to look more and more like his father. Wearing his father's shirts seemed to mean a lot to Daniel, too.
The way Amanda and David first got together had been a bit of a scandal, even if that was now all in the past. Amanda was the next door neighbor and part-time babysitter for Daniel and his sister. Amanda's dad got transferred out of state halfway through her senior year and Beth, Daniel's mother, had been kind enough to offer to keep an eye on and help out Amanda while she stayed in the house alone until graduation. Amanda was only 18 then. Daniel was 6. Tessa was 9. Then Beth was killed and Amanda found herself spending a lot of time in David's house helping with the two kids.
Amanda already had a little bit of a crush on David before, but it grew rapidly after Beth's death. Nothing happened at first. But David relied on her to help, and then gradually things just happened. David was only 30. There was only a 12 year age difference between them. Not so much, really, at least that's what she told herself. Her parents did not approve, and they'd become estranged.
Daniel had been only 6 then. Now he was 18, and she was 30. Funny how things worked out. It was kind of a full circle. And now she was a grandmother! Daniel's sister Tessa just recently had a baby and was engaged to be married. Life sure had dealt her some funny cards.
The hand she was currently playing was getting Daniel moved off to college, and the car ride together was going to get him there. Honestly, the idea of one last road trip with Daniel seemed kind of fun. If nothing else, Amanda thought, all those hours alone together would give them a great opportunity to talk. Real talk. Talk that would help give her a real sense of who he was as he left the nest and started off into the world.
Of course they talked a little while he was living at home, but Daniel was busy with school, and his friends, and then, briefly, that girlfriend, and with his summer job, and packing for college, and all those day-to-day things that seem to take up so much time while life goes on.
Growing up without a dad, and with only girls in the house, hadn't always been easy for Daniel. There were times when Amanda felt like he had some unresolved anger. When, at 14, he told her he wanted to join a local Mixed Martial Arts club, Amanda stifled her reservations and tried to be supportive. It did seem like the discipline had done him some good.
She was going to miss him, his presence, the easy way he had about him, his easy-going good humor. Daniel was fun. He'd always been fun. Spending time around him made her feel young. She was a little jealous too. Not that she regretted the way things turned out, but Daniel would be getting the college experience she never had, the one she always thought she would have until life's turns took her in another direction.
So Amanda thought she might as well enjoy this. They could have fun. Yes she was the mom, but she was still young enough to play the fun girl on a road trip with Daniel too. Since she was only 12 years older. Over the years she had sometimes come to think of herself as more like Daniel's aunt than anything else, not quite a mom, even sometimes more of an older sister. She was only the mom at those times when she had to be.
That was Amanda's frame of mind when the trip started. She had a few topics she wanted to bring up with him, things she thought could make for a fun and interesting discussion. About 90 minutes into the trip, she opened up with the first one.
"Daniel, how come you never asked me about girls?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"You know, like when you were younger, like in middle school, and wanted to get girls to notice you, or when you wanted to ask a girl to a dance, or even when you were with that girlfriend, Abby. It was Abby, right? I used to be a girl, you know, but you never asked me for advice."
"It's different now than it was for you."
"Maybe in some ways. But it's not so long ago, you know! Most things are the same I'm sure."
"No. I mean you weren't a normal girl."
"What do you mean I wasn't a normal girl? Of course I was. I am!"
"I mean you were always like the prettiest, most popular girl in school. You could get any guy you wanted. I don't exist in that stratosphere. I'm down on Earth with the normal people."
"That's not true. I suppose I was popular, yes, but I definitely couldn't just get any guy I wanted." But as the words came out of her mouth, she realized there was a kind of a truth in what Daniel said. Apart from a couple of older crushes when she was really young, or pop stars she idolized, there really wasn't any guy she wanted that she didn't get until Daniel's father, David. And then she got him, too.
"I wanted Tyler Hobart in the worst way, but he had a girlfriend."
"Wait. Wasn't that the guy that took you to the Holiday Formal?" Daniel recalled a few of the details from back when she'd been his babysitter.
"Yes, but that wasn't until months later."
"How many months?"
She paused. "A couple. Maybe three...maybe two...I think."
"See..."
"And then there was your father." Daniel knew Amanda had had a crush on his father before his mother had died. She'd told him and his sister that much, framing it like it was their big love story, which was the way she sincerely thought of it.
"And out of all those guys who asked you out, or who just sniffed around and tried to impress you, was there anything they could have done to make you change your mind? To make you want to go out with them or want to be with them?"
"Sure. If they'd been..."
Daniel cut her off. "If they'd been different guys. If they'd been funnier, or better looking or this or that or whatever. But they didn't meet your standards. They weren't what you wanted so you could just swat them away, like flies."
"It really wasn't like that. That's not fair."
"Sorry. I'm sure you tried to be nice, at least most of the time. But my point is, because you were so pretty, because you were so popular, you could have these standards that were so high a normal guy could never hope to meet them. That's all. It's not your fault. A super hot and popular guy isn't going to date an average looking girl, either. It's just the food chain. That's how it is."
