Authors Note: This is going to be a three-part story. Honestly, I have no idea when Chapters 2 and 3 will be published. Ideally, it will be near Thanksgiving and Christmas respectively, but I can't guarantee that. Enjoy.
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It was Halloween and the local bar that my friends hung out at was packed. I had managed to sneak in because the doorman was a friend of mine from school. Nice guy, dumb as a bag of rocks, the starting middle linebacker on our team and I had helped him with algebra during our freshman year, so this was his way of helping me out. Every now and then he let me in the door. Tonight, I thought was going to regret it. As it turns out, I didn't.
I looked across the bar at one of the hottest chicks in the place, complete with painted whiskers, a cute little black nose and kitty cat ears perched atop her brown hair. She also had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. The only problem was I had seen them before and they belonged to my Aunt Kari. That wasn't so much a problem, the problem was that I was looking across a bar at my aunt. I was only twenty and she damn well knew it.
I did the best I could under the circumstances, I grabbed my beer and headed back to my booth. If I was going to be humiliated, I might as well make it epic. Besides, I was two hundred miles away from home! What the fuck was my aunt doing here? Here of all places? I slid into the booth and looked across at my friends "Uh guys. I've got a problem..."
Before I go any further, let me explain something.
My Aunt Kari is only five years older than I am. She was the youngest child of my grandparents and my mom is the oldest. They are seventeen years apart in age so Kari and I grew up more like a brother and sister than aunt and nephew. (I'm no expert, but I don't think Kari was "planned" if you catch the meaning.) It was kind of funny in Kari's teenaged years because my mom would get on to her about something and Kari would say "Yes mom."
When Kari was about seventeen or so she let lose with an F bomb over a dropped pass during the Cowboys game at grandma's house and mom started in on her. Kari responded with "Sorry mom." and mom shot back with "Young lady I am NOT your MOTHER!" Kari smiled and then sniped back "Yeah? Well you're damn sure old enough to be!" The three or so seconds of awkward silence was followed by a screeching banshee running through the house chasing my laughing aunt.
It didn't help that my dad and I were both bent over laughing so hard that tears were running down our cheeks. I learned a valuable lesson that day, never, under any circumstances, make fun of a woman's age. Dad and I ate take out for two straight weeks.
So now you kind of understand what I am dealing with here, my aunt is my aunt but she isn't...anyway back to the present.
"Uh guys. I've got a problem..."
"Sup?"
"I'm kind of busted." I said nodding toward the bar.
Then I looked up to see Kari heading our way and my reaction was one of absolute awe. She was wearing five inch stilettos and a little black dress that showed every bit of her 5'9" frame to perfection. This wasn't my aunt, this was a fucking goddess walking toward our booth. The guys just sat there, slack jawed.
I remember thinking "Damn, the only thing more perfect than her boobs are her legs." and then thinking "Damn dude! That's your aunt for fuck sake."
"Derrick Davidson don't you dare walk away from me again! You owe me an explanation!"
I put my beer down and stood up.
"Sorry?" I offered meekly.
"Sorry's sweet ass! You told me you were going to call me last week and I don't like being lied to!"
Which was technically true because she had left me a voicemail asking me to call her and I returned the call but we started playing voicemail tag and I just stopped playing.
"I lost your number? Earthquake? Flood? Tornado?" I said smiling.
"Bullshit, you've had my number since last year." Which again was technically true, she had changed her number last year after she broke up with her boyfriend because the creep kept drunk dialing her at two in the morning.
"But, just in case..." She reached into her purse, pulled out a pen, grabbed my hand and wrote her name and number on my palm. "There, now you have no excuse."
"You know there are several ways to get in touch with someone..." I offered.
"And you didn't use any of them so what was I supposed to think?" she countered.
Then it hit me. Kari wasn't pissed, she was playing with the guys I had gone out with. That little tease!
She looked at my buddies and asked, "If I called anyone of you would you have ignored me the way Derrick did?" She was met with three shaking heads and a chorus of "Hell no!" from my trusted associates.
"Thanks assholes." I muttered.
"Any time Dude." my roommate Jared piped up. "Any damn time!"
Kari's self-righteous smirk caused all of us to laugh. She pointed at Jared and said "I like him! Seriously Derrick, give me a call tomorrow, or better yet with your track record, I'll call you. But Honey this is the last time I will chase after you, I don't care how nice we play together. Got it?"
"Got it." I replied.
"Good, because you owe me dinner and a movie now. My friends are waiting on me, we have a party to go to. I'll see you tomorrow."
With that she smiled, rose up just a bit on her toes, and surprising me she draped her arms over my shoulders and gave me a kiss on the lips. To say I was shocked was an understatement, then she almost, almost bit my lower lip before she broke it off, winked and turned away. Maybe it was my imagination, but I swear to God she added a little swish in her hips when she walked off.
Three things happened at that moment. The first was I became a hero to my buddies and I didn't buy a beer for the rest of the night because they were plying me with questions about Kari. The second was I realized that between the beer, the little black dress and the added swish that I was wrong about the boobs and legs; my aunt's ass was perfect. The third was that between the beer, the kiss and the twinkle in her eyes as she smiled at me, I had popped a serious boner.
Well, four things...I found myself asking what the fuck had just happened, and I tried to remind myself that the woman who had done that was my aunt. Then I realized that throughout the entire exchange, I hadn't introduced Kari as my aunt and she hadn't mentioned it either.
The first day of November found me face down on my bed, hung over, hungry, bleary eyed and wanting to find the ninja that had kicked me in the head and shoot him in the face. Then at the ungodly hour of noon, my phone rang.
"This had better be important." I mumbled into my pillow and phone at the same time.
"Well good morning Stud. Did we have a late night or early morning?" I heard Kari ask.
"We had a little of both. My buddies kept buying beer to get me to loosen up and talk about the hottie that wanted to jump my bones at the bar last night."
