Note: the Editors apologize in advance for the many typos contained in this otherwise unexpurgated letter. The author's mistakes and elisions having been indicated, per standard redactive practice, by the bracketed Latin word for "Thus": Sick [sic]
*****
A Comedy in Two Acts
Dear Micki,
At the expense of being long-winded I just wanted to tell you again how much I enjoyed out [sic] time together yesterday—first on the flight back from L.A. then over dinner. You said you were "so hungry you could eat a cow" but I'm afraid my choice of that airport steakhouse was a mistake. The food was pretty awful although, as you said, they made a decent Bloody Mary. I'll do better when we go out this coming Friday—I already have a very special restaurant in mind. I guarantee it'll be a big improvement over Ponderosa!
As lovely as you are in every way, I feel that your beauty is only matched by your honesty and forthrightness. I knew this the moment you turned to be [sic] in the baggage area after I nervously asked you out to dinner and you said, quite bluntly: "Look. There's something you should know before we go out on our first"—you winked at me—"date. I'm an adult film actress. Some guys—most guys—find that a little off-putting. Unless all they're doing is looking to get into my panties. You know...so they can brag 'Oh I fucked so-and-so last night, she's a prom [sic] star,' that kind of shit. Then I never hear from them again, of course..."
I have to admit your candied [sic] admission stunned me for a second. You seemed to sense this and lightened the moment by "bragging" that you weren't just an actress but a STAR, and had four Golden Phalluses on your mantel to prove it. I don't consider myself especially quick-witted, that's the province of comedians not Tuscaloosa history professors, but I have to say that my come-back was a pretty good one, responding that I had a pink jelly one in my bedside drawer! It made me feel good, Micki, to see you laugh so hard. And then when you looked me in the eyes a moment afterward and said you had a few of those in your drawer too, I nearly melted inside. The ice had been broken, I guess you could say.
It stunned me further when you told me over our tough T-bones and over-baked potatoes that it was nearly impossible for porn actresses to have relationships; that guys like to watch them perform but it ends there. That when it comes right down to it most men hypocritically think of you guys as sluts and whores—when in fact you're really merely business people doing a job. Albeit a different and unique one. I still find it almost inconceivable that a woman of your beauty and sophistication would have a hard time finding a husband, or at least a boyfriend. Your remark that all you do in L.A. is fuck while you life [sic] like a nun in Birmingham still resonates. Sad. Hard to believe. Please don't be put off when I say that my hope is I can fill at least the latter role down the road. If not, however, and you decide I'm not right for you I'll of course completely understand, though I'll be heart-broken. Even at this early stage sitting here tonight at my laptop I realize that. I won't throw out the "love" word yet—that wouldn't be fair to you—but spending those hours with you yesterday had a singularly powerful effect on me.
I also totally understand that as the "Queen of Anal", as you described yourself, your beautiful ass is off limits if our relationship should ever exceed friendship and become an intimate one. To be perfectly frank as well, I've just hit that age where things become more and more difficult sex-wise. My doctor wants me to go see a cardiologist for a full work up before he prescribes any of those ED drugs. It's just a precaution, I guess. Its [sic] non [sic] that I can't get it up anymore, it's just that I require a little more, shall we say, stimulation these days. The good news, if it ever comes to that: I find you really stimulating, my dear! In fact, I was stimulated the entire three hour flight from L.A., though I kept I hope [sic] it sufficiently hidden! (I'd be lying if I said I wasn't stimulated right now thinking about your sexy body, and by that lovely soft southern accent of yours...Wow, you're special!)
Those clenching exercises you mentioned you're now having to do, after having anal thousands of times with hundred of different actors...I can well imagine the need for that and hope it does the trick. You say you're getting too old for the "business" but I don't see that at all. I couldn't believe it when you told me your [sic] were pushing 39. I would have guessed early thirties at most. You still look...GREAT, my dear! Fabulous! On the other hand, your mention of your studio head, Max, suggesting you begin to make the transition to MILF films...I can certainly understand that too. I Doodled that last night after I got home and sure enough, like your boss says, MILF porn is just about the hottest thing going these days—after shemales of course. But that will ever be the case, right? (I said "porn" just now. I hope that's not offensive. I know you prefer the euphemism adult films.)
This may seem crazy but your mention of your possible transition to MILF films inspired [me] today (I admit I should have been researching further my book on the underlying economic reasons for the Civil War, but...) to write a script. Or not a script exactly (Do they use full scripts in Adult films?) but an outline. I hear that on Curb Your Enthusiasm, that HBO show, they work from an outline and improvise the dialog. Is that how it is in porn too? I hope you won't think I'm out of line, or being too forward, given that we've only been on one "date" so far, but here goes. If you don't like it we need never discuss it again. If you do...? That would be great. But the main thing I'm looking forward to, Micki, is seeing you again on Friday night. I can't wait, darling!
THE CIVIL WAR (A Script Outline)
Dramatis Personae:
Micki Ultra - A Modern Southern Belle
Todd - A well-endowed college student
Avery - Another well-endowed college student
(Damon - Micki's well-endowed college-age son, who is believed to be off fighting in the war)
The doorbell rings and Micki answers it. She's wearing a string bikini under a diaphanous cotton sun dress, or such. We see her from behind—her famous beautiful wide ass.
Todd is standing there. He says he's back in town, on college break, and wonders if his old friend Damon is around.
"You didn't hear?" Micki asks. "Damon got drafted."
Disbelief: "Drafted? I thought they weren't taking college kids, Ms. Ultra?"
Micki: "These are desperate times. My son had a low draft number. They're taking just about anybody these days..."
Todd: "Mine is in the, like, three hundreds."
Micki smiles. "You're lucky, young man."
"Maybe in more ways than one. Can I come in, Ms. Ultra? My name's Todd."
"Sure. I was just about to pour myself a stiff drink, Todd, and go out by the pool."
"I'll join you."
As Micki leads Todd through the house she she [sic] pulls off and discards her little sun dress, revealing the full of her ass in the skimpy bikini bottom. As Micki mixes a couple of drinks...
Todd: "You're really hot, Ms. Ultra. You still got it."
Micki smiles. "Thanks. You're not so bad yourself. Too bad you didn't bring your bathing suit."
"Do I need one?"
"Not really," a still smiling Micki says. They clink glasses, toast. Drink. Todd removes his clothes. He's already hard. Getting there anyway.
"I've always wanted to fuck you, Ms. Ultra."
"Call me Micki."
"Micki. Can I tell you a secret?"
"Sure."
"I've always wanted to fuck you up your beautiful ass. Let's go in the bedroom."
"No, out by the pool. My Yoga mat is out there. You can fuck me on that."
"On your hands and knees?"
"Anyway you like," she smiles. "Anyway and every way." Micki reaches out. "My, aren't you a big boy."
Micki removes her bikini top, then she pulls down her bottom and hangs it from the base of Todd's hard cock. She sinks to her knees. She begins sucking Todd's cock.
"Oh, baby," Todd says. "Oh Ms. Ultra..."
Micki looks up. "Call me Micki."
