Chapter 14 - Ajay
Ajay had sat fascinated as Jeremy had spoken, because like the other guys he could see his mother in what Jeremy said. Ajay loved his mother dearly, so when the proposal of plans was discussed, he knew he couldn't do this to his mother. Therefore, Ajay would be the only guy who would play this straight. He would follow his mother's lead, wherever it went.
While the others discussed the merits of plans A and B, Ajay kept his thoughts to himself, even though he knew Jeremy was right, as soon as he had suggested that their mothers wanted them sexually. For Ajay it was so clear; all the odd pieces fell into place as jigsaw puzzle pieces tend to do, if you stare at them long enough; the whole scene suddenly becomes obvious.
Ajay could see the truth of what Jeremy was saying. His mother had always made him feel special compared to the other guys he knew, by the way she treated him. It was not just the physical contact she had with either, but it was the way she treated him as her confidant, best friend and keeper of her secrets. This is where a particular difficult piece of the puzzle, the depth of his mother's feelings for him fell into place.
Sylvia had told him on a number of occasions that there was one secret she had to keep from him. At the time he thought it odd for two reasons; firstly, that his mother had a secret to keep from him, and secondly, that she would not tell him. Ajay sometimes thought she wanted to tell him, or wanted him to discover it. It was in little things she said, like nearly telling him and then saying 'no she couldn't tell him'.
Ajay had time to think on camp about his mother would say this, and he realized it was during her most affectionate times with him, or just after. As if such physical and emotional intimacy, had brought her to a point where she felt compelled to tell her son. At these times, he had seen the conflict in her eyes and also the sadness.
Now as Ajay watched his mother drive into the camp car park, he wondered how he could bring his mother to tell him her secret. Sylvia parked and her son walked to her with his bags, a huge grin of greeting on his face and her heart soared as it always did when she saw him. The last 2 week had been hell for her.
Ajay hugged his mother and she felt something different as he did, but she hugged him back. As she did, she hoped her physical contact with her son would convey to him her true feelings for him. Feelings that had always been so strong, and yet she dare not tell him. Mother and son held their embrace.
"I love you mum," Ajay whispered to Sylvia.
"I love you too Ajay," she whispered back.
They broke their embrace and stood back to look at each other, as if to see if the other had changed in the last 2 weeks. They smiled to see the other was as they remembered. Ajay led his mother to their car with his arm around the small of her back. Sylvia just loved the way her son's arm felt around her, especially since this was the first time he had held her like this. It felt more intimate, more familiar, more like a lover then a son -- as it was the way Ajay intended it to feel.
Once in the car and driving home, mother and son fell into the usual easy conversation. This lasted until they arrived home, but when they did, Sylvia was not looking for an early night.
"Hey Ajay, want to stay up with your old mum and watch some telly or something?"
'Follow her lead', Ajay told himself, that's what Jeremy had told them -- and watch for the signs.
"Yeah, I'd love to watch some telly with you mum."
"Coffee?" Sylvia asked her son as she headed to the kitchen.
"Yeah great," Ajay answered and followed his mother.
They busied themselves making their drinks, and Ajay kept an eye on his mother the whole time, watching for 'signs'. He didn't have to wait long. Unbeknown to her son, Sylvia had had time during the last two weeks to think; to think about the one secret she kept from him and whether she would tell him or not. She knew she had to; he was getting too old. If she left it any longer it would be too late -- and Sylvia didn't want it to be too late.
Her problem, as she saw it was how to tell Ajay. Should she tell him directly, or drop hints, or some other way to convey to him what she had decided he needed to know.
Sylvia had ruled out the direct approach, in case she offended him, or even disgusted him. You see Sylvia's secret was one she knew the other mothers of the guys at camp harboured as well. Yet, she also knew that unlike herself, most of them buried their secret deep, never, even admitting it to themselves. But Sylvia was far more pragmatic than that, far more honest, no matter how that honesty played out.