Chapter 19 - Nathan
It was the sixth night after uni had started again -- a Saturday night, and Nathan lay on his bed one knee up and the other crossed over it. He was staring at the ceiling, in a mild panic -- scratch that, he was in a complete panic. Nathan was never able to initiate things for himself; he had always been a good follower. And where his mother was concerned, Nathan was dominated by her. Not in a destructive way, but Carol has a very strong personality and her son had learned from a young age to just fall in step behind her.
Now he lay there knowing that on Monday night he was probably going to be the only guy who had failed, but not because he didn't want his mother. If the truth be knew, he had always followed her lead because he lover her so much and knew it pleased her when he followed. Add to this the little talk by Jeremy, that had set off fireworks in his mind the possibilities he could see with his mother, and man did he want to experience the fireworks with her. But even in this, he couldn't initiate anything with her. He wanted to be her lover so badly, he had cried himself to sleep on a number of nights since his return from camp. What a sook!
Nathan heard the phone ring and his mother answer it; it was Corey's mum Sonja who had been close friends with Carol, until Sonja had become addicted to the pokies (slot machines). His balls and stomach froze to solid ice, because he knew what Sonja was ringing about -- she and Corey, and their new relationship. Then he heard the words he was dreading to hear.
"No, Nathan didn't tell me anything out of the ordinary."
Silence.
"Oh, he had something very special to tell me?"
Silence.
"Just a sec Sonja... Nathan, come here," Carol ordered her son.
Nathan got off his bed slowly, and walked just as slowly into the family room where his mother was sitting on the couch holding the portable phone in one and her other hand was over the mouth piece. As he walked in she was waiting for him and pointed to the space next to her on the couch. Carol then sat into the corner of the couch so she could keep an eye on her son, as Nathan slumped next to her.
"Sonja, I'll just put you on the speaker, Nathan is here and I think he should hear this with me," his mother told her friend coolly.
Carol pushed the speaker button and then returned the phone to its cradle, and sat straight backed in the corner of the couch to be much taller than her son. There had been some talk in their family that Nathan should have been a jockey, but he was too afraid of horses. Yet, Carol was tall for a woman at 5' 10", while Nathan was only 5' 2".
"Ok Sonja go ahead."
"Hello Nathan," Sonja said.
"Hello Mrs. Marsh."
"Hi Nate," Corey chimed in.
"His name is Nathan, Corey if you could please remember to call him by the name I gave him," Carol instructed the young man on the other end of the phone.
Then in a controlled voice Corey replied to the instruction.
"Mrs. Sawyer, everyone except you calls him Nate, even Nate calls himself Nate. I wonder why you don't."
Nathan could see his mother felt challenged, but Sonja intervened before her son and her once closest friend could begin to argue.
"Now we're not here to discuss that, but what the guys discussed on the last night of camp and how it affects us. Ok Carol, and you too Corey." Corey grunted.
"So Sonja what did Nathan have to tell me?" Carol asked without agreeing to anything.
"Well before we begin with that, tell me Carol, are you still lonely?"
Carol rolled her eyes at her son as if to say, 'here we go again'.
"I'm ok," was Carol's short reply, but Nathan could see by her expression this wasn't the case.
"Come on Carol, be honest. You are, aren't you? You use to tell me how lonely you were, but that there was one thing in your life that always gave you joy and sometimes even thrilled you."
Carol's expression changed just a little, as she looked sobered by her friend's words.
"Yes alright Sonja, but what's this got to do with my son?"
"It has everything to do with Nathan. Carol, like me you're never dated and never had a new man in your life, have you?"
Carol looked at her son as they listened to Sonja.
"You know I haven't and you why I haven't. For the same reason you didn't, we had something more important to do with our time. We had our sons to think of," Carol's expression was becoming softer as she stared at Nathan.
"But you were lonely weren't you? You would tell me how empty you felt at times, but were prepared to put up with that for Nathan, didn't you?"
Carol stared at her son as she answered and Nathan could see her eyes were glistening.
"We both felt the same emptiness, but knew we couldn't fill it because of our sons. They need us."
Nathan nodded at his mother and she actually smiled at him, as her eyes began to glisten.
"You still feel the emptiness, and you ach to have it filled, don't you?"
As Sonja probed, Carol squirmed a little under her friend bringing to light something she wanted kept secret.
"Yes, alright Sonja I do admit I get lonely now and then," she conceded.
Carol looked anywhere but at Nathan. His mother's reaction to Sonja's questions was not lost on him, and he wondered why she wouldn't look at him.
"You have been lonely for many years, haven't you? But you didn't want to date or do anything like that do you?' Sonja asked in a soft voice, the voice of one who knows such loneliness.
