Every time there is a light in the tunnel something goes to hell, I am just so sick of it! Of course, he can't help it and it's not his fault, bla bla bla. But still, he knows how important this is for us, for our marriage and our sex life, and still, the one thing that has gotten between us, his work, his what again fucks everything up.
I am just so sick of it.
Goddamnit!
I go upstairs and slam the door to our bedroom and lay down on the bed to cry. And if he comes up with some lame attempt at saying he is sorry I don't know what I will do.
But there is no knock on the door and no one comes and looks for me. At least he still knows me that well. We will talk about it later, but right now I just wanna be left alone with my disappointment and anger.
We will get the money back, we have good travel insurance and I am sure they will understand. I just wish I had not looked forward to it so much.
I cry for a bit and then fall asleep. When I wake up 30 minutes later and walk down to the kitchen Frank has left for work. There is a note on the counter but I don't bother reading it. I just throw it away.
I make some coffee and sit down at the table and open my tablet. I go to the travel file and open up some photos.
Bahamas.
Love resort.
For couples.
It looks so nice. Beautiful, expensive hotel, with several pools, right on the beach with the most blue water you have ever seen.
We were going to find ourselves again, get our sex life back. Fuck like teens. Maybe even test our limits. We had talked about maybe having a threesome, a first for both of us. It would have been so much fun!
I close the file again and sigh.
We better get the money back. I assume the resort will be helpful, but the airline will be tougher. And Frank had booked us Business Class, another first for us.
It is a week away and I better start making some calls. But for some reason, I can't. I just sit there frozen, ready to start crying again.
I hate Franks's job! It has paid for most of this, but it has also wrecked our relationship and made us strangers from ourselves. He is never home and works all the time. I don't even remember when we fell asleep together the last time.
And now for some reason, he can not get the week off he was promised. If only he had the balls to tell them to go fuck themselves. He was already promised the time off, everything was booked. They can not change their minds. But Frank says they can.
I start crying again.
"Mom? Why are you crying?" Sam, our daughter, is coming into the kitchen wearing her pajamas. Or whatever goes for pajamas when you have just turned 18, tiny panties, and a very short green t-shirt. Good thing Frank is not home, he wouldn't know where to look. Sam is a redhead like me and I am always surprised how much her hair shines when she is wearing green.
"Has Dad done something?" She looks at me with concern in her big green eyes. "Is it his work again?"
I just sigh. When did she get so perceptive? Are we just that translucent?
"He has to work next week, so we can't go to the Bahamas." I fight to keep my tone even but the disappointment is too hard to hide.
"On no!! You were looking forward to that so much!! Can they do that?"
"Frank says they can."
"So what are you going to do?" She sits down next to me and puts her arm around me.
"I have to cancel it and hope we get our money back", I say and take a sip of the now cold coffee. Disgusting!
"Don't do that! You and I can go! It will be fun! We can swim and tan and look at cute boys and drink drinks with umbrellas!"
"But you have school, you can't go, and anyway, it's kind of a different place."
"Nah, I am supposed to start my thesis next week and we get a few weeks off to write. I can take some days off and just work harder when I get home. And anyway, what do you mean not that kind of place?" She looks at me with her eyebrows raised.
How the hell am I supposed to explain this? I am not sure I really wanna have this conversation with my 18-year-old daughter. Definitely not now.
"Come on Mom, tell me!" She leans forward to show that she is serious. "Wait a minute, is it a sex vacation? Did you and dad book a trip to have a weel long fuckfest?"
I actually spray the coffee all over the table. Just like in the movies Sam starts instantly laughing.
"Yup, you were going on a fuckfest in the tropics!"
"Sarah!" I really don't know what else to say, so I get up get a rag, and start viping up the coffee that I spit all over the table. "Where were gonna do no such thing? And what kind of language is that?"
"I know I am right. Have you bought a sexy bikini and everything? Lingerie?"
"Now why do you say that?" I have no idea how this conversation got away from me this fast.
"You have!!! I know it!! Come on, is it a thong? Mom, did you buy a thong bikini?"
"Sam!!" I am trying to sound stern but I feel myself failing miserable.
"Show it to me!! If it's cute I will buy the same one! We can have matching bikinis, come on Mom, it will be so much fun! I bet there will be so many cute boys there."
"It's not a place for singles." I don't know why I said that, and I regret it right away.
"Is it a swingers club? I didnยดt think Dad had it in him!"
"No it's not a swingers club, come one Sam! But it's a love resort for couples. And yes, we were hoping to get close again."
Somehow she convinces me to not cancel yet but to think about it. But there is nothing to think about. It would be so weird to go with my daughter to a couples resort. But at the same time, I had looked so much forward to going there, and I could really use some vacation. My job has been pretty demanding too lately and I feel really worn out.
Maybe we could just do what she said, and swim and tan and eat good food. And she can look at cute boys and I can read some books.
I just can't believe she was right with the bikini. I feel so stupid now, what the hell was I thinking? Like me, a 38-year-old mom could get away with a thong bikini. Yeah, in your dreams Kim. I should return it.
I go upstairs to take a shower.
I throw the clothes on our bed and go into the bathroom. Right inside the door, next to the big shower is a full-length mirror and I stop to look at myself.
Red hair that stops right under my ears, cute but kinda average face. Nice mouth. And I like my eyes. Very green.
Big, heavy tits, that have started to sag a little but I kinda like them. 36D, I can't believe I went up a whole size when I had Sam and I got to keep them. Frank always loved my big tits, not sure he has looked at them for at least a year.
My tummy could be flatter, but I have nice wide hips and a cute ass. I look at my pussy, neatly trimmed but otherwise untouched for a long time. I looked at some questionable sites the other night on my tablet when I felt lonely and noticed that all the girls were fully shaved, with no hair at all.
I grab my razor and go into the shower. It is time to feel sexy again!
For some weird reason, and I have no idea what has gotten into me, I decide to go on the trip with Sam. She is so enthusiastic and I would love to see her have fun. I am not sure what to do about the whole couple's thing, but there must be a nice beach and good food at least, and that should really be enough. We can just tell them at the hotel what happened.
I tell Frank and he nods and says "Good, good", but I doubt he actually listened. Just one more wall between us. And they are surely getting higher.
Since we have good travel insurance we managed to change Frank's name on the plane ticket to Sam's, it helped that we only needed to change the first name. I totally forgot to contact the hotel but I figured they don't care who actually sleeps in the room as long as we pay for it.
I pack some nice summer dresses, sandals, underwear, and bikinis and yes, I throw in the thong bikini I bought. And the lingerie, how did Sam know? Who knows, maybe I'll get heat stroke and put the bikini on. Yeah, in your dreams Kim. I laugh at myself and close the bag.
I think I am actually looking forward to this. Maybe getting away from Frank is what I need because right now I get in a bad mood just seeing him. And that is really not fair. He can't help that he has a shit job.
Or no fucking spine.