She stood alone in the crowd of mourners, considering she was burying her husband and mother-in-law it was unusual that people not to come over to her and offer their commiserations.
The news media had not helped, writing about the accident as though they could only draw one conclusion.
A single car accident, taking a bend too fast, hitting a tree and instant death, William, her husband was found with his belt undone and his fly unzipped, Eve, the mother-in-law was not wearing a seat belt.
'You're wearing the appropriate colour I see,' Bill her father-in-law spoke as he approached, 'it suits you, I like the veil as well, no fully-fashioned stockings I notice.' Bill had walked up behind her.
'No, there's enough sexual innuendo about this tragedy without me adding to it, anyway I am all in black, the only colour is a bit of white thigh.' She looked at Bill smiling, it was hidden behind her veil.
'Just think, this time last year we were burying my mother. You had a perfectly presentable black suit if I remember correctly.'
'Yes, but it had a very tight skirt.'
'Aah, difficult to walk in?' Bill surmised.
'No, it showed the bumps where the suspender straps attached to the stockings, again not appropriate,'
'I remember, yes, very nice,' he reminisced.
Just then there was a sudden gust of wind, the women grabbed their hats and skirts, 'damn, I hope my stocking tops didn't show, I'd be all over the local station tonight for all the wrong reasons.'
'The cameras were almost blown away, I think it was all they could do to stop them toppling over,' Bill pointed to the cameras, they were still in a state of turmoil.
'William would be pleased that you look so... well to put it bluntly, so damn sexy, but there again he's not going to know, is he? Where's my grandson Will?'
'He's acting as pallbearer for his father, him and some friends, they all knew WIlliam from his teachings.'
'Following in my footsteps, he'd have made full professor in the not-too-distant future.'
'Did you notice the local newspaper and TV are here, gloating like vultures,' she felt a shudder of distaste run through her body.
'I've threatened to sue them if they maintain this silly innuendo that my wife had her lips around her son's penis.'
'Surely you'd lose,' she asked him.
He placed his hand over his mouth and whispered, 'all sorted out, can't speak now but I'll explain later, you never know who's listening or claiming they can lip read, that's why I thought the veil a good idea.'
'We're meeting at the "Den" for a short wake, you can explain afterwards.'
Later some friends did approach her and sympathised, 'we don't believe what the media is hinting at,' was the general message, but others snubbed her and Bill.
Will drove his friends and Bill took Mary, in his very elderly Rolls Royce, to the "Den of Iniquity", the club where they were holding the wake.
There were some beautiful and heartfelt eulogies, but the afternoon dragged on until later that evening they found themselves alone, 'where' s Will, Bill asked.
'He drove some people home he'll only be half an hour,' she explained.
'So, what plan have you hatched that'll stop these awful rumours?'
'I bribed the forensic pathologist involved to state that WIlliam was suffering from a "grumbling" appendix, hence the need to relieve the pain by undoing his belt and zip, also they were heading towards the hospital.'
'What did that cost?' Mary asked, somewhat incredulous, 'where did you raise the money for that?'
'Didn't cost a penny, I arranged for his son to be appointed as full professor and achieve tenure, of course, when they discover how incompetent he is I'll no doubt have to resign.'
'Wow, that's great Bill, really great, but will you really have to resign?'
'Yes, and they were having an affair, by the way' Bill looked devastated as he admitted the truth, 'they were having an affair,' he repeated, 'anyway I have lots of irons in the fire so don't worry about me.'
Just then Dennis and two of his brothers, Danny and Donald came up and offered their condolences this allowed for a pause in what was becoming a confessional of sorts.
'I remember you guys; you were in my class did you all go into the military?'
Donald spoke, 'we did,' pointing to Danny the youngest, 'served in Iraq and Afghanistan, we're both in the fire service now.'
After a few more condolences they were once again on their own and able to talk.
'It's all my fault you know, about a year ago I was asked by the college principal to teach women students about how to protect themselves as some of them were seeking a military career.'
'Surely the military would do that as a matter of course.' Mary interjected.
'Bill smiled, 'no protect themselves from being sexually assaulted by members of their own unit.'
Mary frowned but said nothing.
'So, we had an introductory day, give the students an idea of what it was all about, nine women turned up out of ten applicants, so there I am introducing the course, and a man turns up dressed as a woman.' Bill took a swig of his beer, 'I asked his name, and he wasn't the person who had not turned up, so I said it was women only course.'
'Well, all hell broke loose, accused me of being transphobic, sorry Ms, I said you can't just casually turn up, it's a self-defence course for woman to fight of a rapist, anyway he caused such mayhem I cancelled the session, he complained, and I was suspended.'
'We never heard the full story,' Mary said, 'you weren't able to speak about it.'
That's right I was slapped with a gagging order, I followed every condition they insisted on and after six months was awarded a very large sum for wrongful dismissal, all nine of the women spoke up in my defence, I also had the diversity officer resign their post, that was the best bit, that and getting my job back.'
'If you made so much money, why haven't you retired?'
'I went to the Gulf on a short-term basis and enjoyed it, made even more money so I have no real incentive to retire.'
