The neighbor's cat is always scratching at the small door that leads into the crawlspace beneath the house. Ever since I left it open and she got in one time, she's always wanted to go back. That was back when she was a kitten and my ex was still my husband. He chased her out, but not until after she had spent about three nights down there. We've kept the door locked, and I have no idea why, but she still tries to get in.
One night, it was the same story... I'm lying in my bed, trying to fall asleep, and all I can hear is that damn cat's claws scraping the paint off of my outer wall. It's gotten so accustomed to me shooing it away from behind the screen in my window that it no longer even glances in my direction. Finally, I stepped out of bed, put on my robe and walked quietly out of the house to chase the stupid thing away. I walked almost straight up to the animal and stopped before I got there because something caught my eye. I had been quiet while I was leaving the house because I thought my kids would have been asleep, but there was some light coming from my son's bedroom. It was clearly the TV and its light shone straight through a tiny hole in the side of his curtains. I wasn't thinking anything about invasion of privacy or anything, I just wanted to see what show he was watching so late at night. As soon as I peeked back in, I realized my mistake. It was porn.
My son was watching a threesome. Of course. I almost didn't care, it was kind of a mixed feeling, knowing that he was watching porn and also knowing that I should probably be shocked because he's my little boy, but seriously, he's about to leave for college and I was pretty sure he'd seen it plenty, considering he does have access to the internet. I turned to the cat, but then a thought struck me. Why was the porn on the TV? He has internet, which would put the porn in the computer screen. My heart skipped a beat when I thought of the only porn that I would think he might have playing on a TV. There were four old VHS tapes in my room, tucked away in a dark corner in a locked box... I peered through the crack in the curtains and as soon as I took that second look, I knew. My breath came in short gasps. I had to cover my mouth to keep from yelping. One of the VHS tapes in that dark corner had a home recording. My home recording. It was a video of me and two of my old coworkers, a black guy and a white guy. And now my own son was watching it.
I hurried back inside, my heart racing. The video was recorded just a few months after my husband, the father of my son and daughter, left us to go start a new family. Davey was just three and Erica was four. I had watched it only once since I recorded it, but I always kept good track of where I put it. It was locked in a little metal cash box along with three other tapes that I had recorded off of Skinemax when I was getting over that asshole. I rushed down the hall, locked myself in my bedroom and ran to the cabinet that held that cashbox. I opened it up and the tapes were all there. All four of them. I let out a long sigh of relief... but then I saw what I saw. My heart fluttered again. I was sure of what I saw. I thought I was. But then I was confused.
I tiptoed down the hall to his room, strained my eye staring at the crack at the bottom of his door, but there was no flickering light. The TV was off. He had probably heard me rush down the hallway into my room and he had turned off the TV at the thought I might somehow walk in. Was his door unlocked? I was suddenly tempted to try it, but thought better of it. I don't know what I would say, how I would explain just barging into his room and throwing accusations at him. Maybe they weren't even true.
I went back to my room and sat on my bed, just thinking for a while. All of the "What if" questions came to my head. What if he doesn't respect me as his mother anymore? What if he thinks I'm disgusting for having a threesome? What if he thinks that video is the reason for the divorce? What if he wants to live with his father, after seeing that video? He's going to college, he won't live with me or with his father. What will I say to him in the morning?
I couldn't sleep. I stayed up all night, nervous and anxious, trying to convince myself it wasn't true. The video was right there. He couldn't have copied it. Could he?
The next morning, I decided to skip breakfast and stayed in my room. About an hour after I normally get up, Erica tapped lightly at the door. "Hey mom." She whispered through the door. I didn't answer and she went away. They both had summer jobs and would leave the house for the day in less than an hour.
After I heard the front door close, I put my ear to my bedroom door to listen for movement. They were gone. I had the house to myself. Suddenly a thought hit me. I ran to the front of the house and watched through the peephole to see them both in the car as it pulled out of the driveway. I watched it drive away and I ran back to David's room. I started opening drawers and closet doors. I had to know. I checked under his bed, in his clothes, I even rummaged through his boxes of old school stuff. I suddenly felt foolish. I checked the VCR and there was a tape. I shoved my head against his window to try to see the driveway, which was empty, and then I turned on the TV. With trembling fingers, I hit play. My heart thudded in my chest. In full glory, there I was, with a big uncut white dick in my mouth and a thick black one in my pussy. I watched, mesmerized for a minute as a younger version of myself tried to deepthroat while bouncing up and down. I was beautiful back then. My tits were perfect C cups, perky and tight. My butt was round and my belly was thin enough that you could almost see the abs. I started to compare myself in David's mirror. My tits weren't quite as perky but they still held tight. My ass was the same as it was back then. And my stomach was just a tad less trimmed. I guess it was because I rode my bike to and from work, rather than drive. Why didn't I see myself as this beautiful usually? I looked pretty much the same as I did back then. My younger self switched positions and got down on her knees for the cumshot. I stroked the two dicks, taking turns with my mouth. One would be in my mouth while the other was in my hand, pressed up against my cheek. Back and forth just two more times and then both of them started, almost simultaneously. I remember I didn't know what to do about that. I hadn't expected it. I took both of them and stroked fast and long while trying to stuff them both in my mouth at the same time. The load was unbelievably huge and I couldn't possibly keep it in my mouth. It spewed out and dribbled down as I tried to swallow. My tongue slid out between the two heads and I looked up into the camera. I hit pause. I remembered where I was standing. I looked around his room and thought about what to do. I turned off the TV, but then realized my mistake and I turned it back on so that I could rewind to the spot where he had left off. I made sure all the drawers and doors were closed and I turned off the light and left his room.
I sat on the couch and thought. Again the What if questions filled my head and I couldn't even think of breakfast.
I woke up on the couch about six hours later when David gently nudged me. "Mom."
I sat upright instantly and looked at him. I expected something different, but it was the same. It was David. My David. My little Davey.
"You OK, mom?"
I must have stared at him too much. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't sleep well." The words just came out, easily. It was easy to talk to him. It was easy to slip back into being normal.
The normalness went on for several weeks. I don't know how, but it just went by and I still thought about it all the time, but I no longer felt anxious and I no longer feared that he would think poorly of me.
It all came flooding back one afternoon when I forgot my lunch at home. I usually just eat at the office, and I don't want to go out because it's too expensive. During lunch break I rode my bike home and I stepped in through the front door. I noticed as soon as I opened it, that something unusual was going on. The room was dark because all of the curtains were closed, which was rare. And then it was obvious. David was sitting at the couch, which faced away from the door, and he was turned back to me with a shocked look on his face. The TV was off, but it might not have been a moment ago. There was no other reason. I eyed him and my heart started racing. I turned what must have been a worried look into a suspicious looking one.
"David... What are you doiiing?" I drew out the last syllable with a smile.
He looked nervously at the TV and then blurted out, "Nothing. Sorry Mom."
I suddenly had a thought. I don't know why, but I wanted to catch him. I wanted to bring it out in the open. I walked around the side of the couch and sat down. I reached over him and grabbed the remote, looked him in the eyes and said, "David, I don't care if you watch porn." And I clicked on the TV. I pressed play and the picture came to life. It was some video I hadn't seen before and I was surpsised. I was a little bit disappointed that I couldn't catch him in the act, and at the same time, I was completely relieved.
