Once again, a reminder. I am coming back to writing after a LOOOONG absence. it will improve with time and as I get more practice. Thank you.
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1:00 am. Dark, quiet room. All alone, with nothing but my broken life, a day full of emotions and unreal memories.....and questions.
What just happened?
Was I about to kiss my Aunt Laura? On the lips? In a SEXUAL way?
Well it was no use asking myself these questions, I already knew the answer. Yes. I was. What was really boggling my mind was why SHE was acting that way. I mean if I really thought long and hard about it, even though Laura had sort of let herself go in some ways, and if she wasn't my Aunt Laura, I wouldn't even look at her twice, inside and out she was still such a beautiful woman to me. Actually, just a beautiful person. One who made me feel safe always, and taken care of. A safe port for any storm I was in.
Maybe that was part of it. But was that really enough for me to have physical, sexual desires for her?
It certainly seemed like it, because if she had gone for my lips and shown me she wanted me in anyway, I knew in all honesty that I would have fulfilled any need she had. How could I not, being the replacement mother I deserved in the first place, beautiful and so very giving at all times to me.
Well, maybe it was just late and we both had a long day...let latent things get the best of us. Yeah, that must have been it. Makes perfect sense.
Sitting there, I knew I was exhausted, but since the war and my life split apart, I rarely found sleep easily. Mix that with the fact that so much had happened in the last 24 hours and the fact that my mind tended to idle at one hundred miles an hour and.... Well I was content to just sit in a quiet room alone with my thoughts.
Thoughts about being in this house again. Thoughts about being back home thoughts about Aunt Laura. Thoughts about......Jane.
Jane. Damn. Now her, I could think about all day.
I don't remember how old I was when I recognized that the childhood infatuation I had had for her never went away, and grew into more of a longing, or pining. I just remember that as far back as I can remember, when it came down to family events, Gavin might be my best friend and brother in life, but Jane is...well to put it childishly my 'dream' girl.
I had spent what felt like an entire lifetime secretly adoring her from afar, mostly because that was where she kept me. I had always wondered why, given all the cousins we have--of which there are over twenty-five—she never really tried to build any kind of relationship with me. She did with my siblings--2 sisters—but not me. Honestly, when I thought about it, my heart sank...a lot.
Now today, her surprising me with that hug, a hug I'd never gotten before, and then the impromptu 'emotional episode' I had and the way she held me. Her tall, slender frame. Her milky, smooth skin. Her jet black hair in that bun. That blue, skin-tight cotton dress. Those full lips, brown eyes.....those eyes....
God she was perfect.
I found myself, while thinking about her, getting really horny and decided it was time to go get my things out of the Jeep, take them to the spare room down here on the first floor and getting ready for bed. So that's what I did.
The bottom guest room was awesome. It was right across from the kitchen, right off the hallway and had its own bathroom attached. It had a California King pillow-top bed and was decorated to feel very comfortable and secure. Once I got my things situated I decided I had been in my clothes for long enough, and it was time to shed them for the night. I threw off my shirt, pants and socks in the hamper and stood in front of the full-length mirror on closet door in my boxer-briefs. The one thing the Army did to my body that I was happy about is fill out my body with muscles in the places I always wished I had growing up. I was six foot three inches when I went in, but I was a measly one hundred and forty-seven pounds. Very thin. Too thin. Almost too thin to enlist. Well 5 years of an hour and a half of Physical Training every morning and now I weighed two hundred pounds even and almost all of it was muscle thankfully. Bigger arms, broader shoulders, fit stomach, and I went from having no ass to having, in my opinion, a very nice one.
I had suddenly found myself really thirsty and decided that a trip to the fridge and a glad of ice water was the way to go before I went to bed. Since everyone else had rooms upstairs, which they were in, and my Uncle Paul was out of town on business for the rest of the week, it would be perfectly safe to go about in my underwear, so I did. Once taking 5 steps out of the room, I immediately regretted my decision. The fridge was open, and I could see a pair of feet under the refrigerator door. Perfect, beautiful feet.
Once my footsteps gave me away, the door shut and I was standing two steps away, staring Jane in the face. No alarm showed on her face, actually NO emotion came from her face. Just the same poker face she had always shown me. I didn't know what to say, but it didn't matter because she was the first to speak.
"Just came down to get a drink, I won't be down long" she said.
I said nothing. I just watched as she put her glass under the spigot on the refrigerator door, watched it fill up, and then turned to leave.
She was just about to pass me and round the corner to the hallway when I instinctively grabbed her by the arm, which stopped her dead in her tracks.
She looked up at me with her eyes wide and questioning.
"Jane..." I said. "..I am sorry for whatever I said earlier that made you up and leave the kitchen"
I was prepared to hear a curt accepting of my apology and to release my hold on her arm, but like most of the evening, I got more than I had expected.
She looked up into my eyes, tears starting to fill them.
"No, I should be sorry. You were speaking the truth about us. I guess it must have seemed kind of strange, all of a sudden me trying to comfort you, and hold you, and dry your tears."
As she uttered the last three things she was describing, her hold on her emotions got progressively weaker, until she couldn't hold back the lone sob that escaped her lips.
I didn't even think, I just turned her towards me and wrapped my arms around her.
It took me a moment to realize that I had tears in my eyes as well. Without thinking about my words first, they started escaping my mouth.
"I have wanted you to hold me like that since we were children. I haven't been able to access my emotions like that since I was a child. I don't know if I have ever felt that safe before, in my life. Even when your mom hugs me"
That last one seemed to do the trick, as she started to stifle her cries and sniffle.
I went to loosen my hold and let her go, feeling instinctively that socially this was about when human beings usually end a hug. She, apparently had different instincts. Her hold didn't loosen so much as change. She glided her hands from around my waist, up my chest and up over my neck and shoulders, while I reciprocally moved my hands from around her shoulders to around her waist, one hand left to slowly roam up and down her slender, half bare back.
