Guilt
Sunday came, and the family of six had a big breakfast together. Things were much more frantic in the house with all four of the kids around. Aimee, Tara, Brad and Cassie were bustling and talking and bickering and laughing.
Afterward, Cassie sat in one corner of the sunny family room, watching them all read. Mom had a magazine, Dad the morning paper, Brad the sports section, and she, Tara and Aimee all had paperbacks. She loved it when they did this. It made her feel comfortable and secure. She thought it would always be one of her favorite memories of summer.
That and her time with Brad. Her real favorite memories were any of her moments with Brad, erotic or mundane.
Cassie herself read voraciously. Usually, she was completely absorbed in her reading, focused and conscious of nothing else. Not today. Today she was distracted.
Cassie looked at the sun streaming in through the east windows, hitting Brad in his chair like a spotlight. He kept glancing over at Cassie. She liked that. She stole quick glances herself whenever she could. For a while he became lost in an article, and she was able to study him uninterrupted for a long time.
Cassie liked the sharp angles of his jaw and cheeks, with the constant hint of the shadow of a beard, even right after he'd shaved. His head was like a chiseled block. He worked out so much even his faced looked muscular. She admired the tight sinews where his neck spread into his broad shoulders, above a barrel chest. Even beneath a loose t-shirt, the lines and edges of his pectoral muscles showed.
She wished that he would walk around shirtless at home. No one would care, and she'd love it. She wished she had the nerve to ask him to do it.
Then he glanced her way again. She let him catch her looking at him, then smiled happily and returned to her book.
As soon as she felt him look away, she went back to studying him. He'd gotten Mom's blue eyes and thick, black hair, like her, but he kept it neatly out of his handsome face. He'd avoided getting the childish freckles that she and Tara were cursed with.
Brad looked at her yet again. She widened her smile, holding his gaze until he became uncomfortable and looked away, pretending to go back to his reading.
He used to do it all the time, to look at her. She noticed. She had always noticed. He had stopped when she started playing with Lisa. Cassie called it "playing", to herself, because it was never anything more. It was just something fun to do, something to try. And it had made Brad pleasingly jealous.
Lisa was nice, and she was experienced, and a good kisser. Cassie felt inadequate and inexperienced when it came to sex. So Lisa made for a fun summer adventure, and a good teacher. She hadn't expected it to bug Brad so much, but she also hadn't intended for it to last more than a few weeks. But now it was all working out.
Cassie got up and moved over to sit at Brad's feet. She didn't touch him. He seemed a bit squeamish since last night, more than a little nervous. He probably had serious regrets. She didn't, but she could give him his space. But not too much space. She wanted to be as close to him as she could.
* * *
The bright morning seemed to drag on forever, getting hotter with each passing minute. Aimee and Tara, having been working all summer, started the day eager to go to the beach early. They were disappointed when both Cassie and Brad said they were "beached out". It then took the two sisters forever to get ready, to pick bathing suits, to get their gear together, and to get out. Cassie thought they'd never leave.
As soon as they did she stood up and walked over to the stairs. Mom and Dad were still home, but they'd stay down here. Probably.
Once at the base of the stairs she stopped and stared silently at Brad. He knew she was looking at him again, and he was purposely avoiding looking back. Cassie grew impatient waiting for him to look her way. When he finally did she didn't smile, she didn't make any expression, she just stared back into his curious blue eyes while starting up the stairs.
He quickly dropped his gaze back to his magazine, so she stopped after just a few steps. He looked back at her then, and she added a look of intensity to her expression. It was a blank expression, but an intense one none the less. Maybe there was a bit of a plea in it. This time he took the hint, putting his section of the paper down beside him. Cassie continued up the stairs, knowing he'd follow soon.
* * *
Cassie had her skirt unclasped and slipping to the floor along with her panties almost before she reached the top of the stairs. She went into Brad's room to turn some music on, not caring what it was. She turned it up enough to cover any noises she might make, but not so loud as to cause her parents to come up and complain.
She walked back to her own room. She enjoyed the wicked, free feeling of walking naked below the waist, through the hallway of the house, with her family downstairs.
Once in her room, Cassie leaned forward on her elbows against her dresser, looking at herself in the large, oval mirror hanging on the wall above it. The music drifted in through the walls and hallway, something new she didn't recognize, with a strong bass and a fast beat.
She looked at all of the freckles, and her black eyebrows, plucked narrowly, and her naturally long black eyelashes contrasting sharply with the blue of her eyes. Her too long bangs fell across her face down past her irises, the way she liked them, as if she were hiding behind them.
