Nobody in my village speaks English and my mother tongue is not English. That explains why my language tends to be rather bookish. I taught me this wonderful language largely by burrowing into great books. My main-stream fiction, unfortunately, has no takers.
*****
I was very depressed. Tomina was determined to leave after serving me for almost three years. She was a real support in all fields of my concern. She is indeed seeking greener pastures. Her new employee is Nisha, another film star.
It was a blushing warm breezy evening in Cochin, the biggest city in Kerala, south India. After a trying day in the tinsel world, which churns out TV serials for evening family consumption, I was going home across the maze of the city. Tomina was driving as usual. We do not talk. There is nothing much to talk, it will be a waste of breath. I have to learn to be self-reliant, as Bhagavat Gita says, you are the only friend you have and you are the only foe you have.
I watched her soft and alluring frame, wrapped in churidar. She remained composed, concentrating on the road. Her delicious breasts were bulging out enticingly and temptingly as usual. She was an ardent admirer of mine and that was the reason for becoming my personal assistant. She was literally mesmerized by my famous shape, which has not changed much, now that I am nearing forty. I had noticed her surreptitiously eyeing me with greedy eyes for many months. And one evening the cat came out of the basket.
As usual she was helping me to change at home after a tortuous day. I noticed her hands shivering and her eyes glazing in the zenith of inordinate passion.
'It seems that you are a man trapped in a sweet lady's body,' I taunted. In fact I have actually been enjoying the devout attention I was getting.
'Forgive me madam, I am much more than that. Please do not dismiss me, I will do anything to be in your company and service all the time. But I am a shemale, with natural breasts and a raging cock which has a will of its own in your presence.'
It startled me. I had never expected such a twist of events. The pleading eyes of hers would have melted even an unfeeling rock. My embarrassment immediately gave way to curiosity and amusement. I was standing in front of her in my panties and bra. In the heat of the moment I embraced her and patted her on the back to reassure her.
'it is alright Tomina, I understand. You have been a good companion to me all through. I cannot think of missing you.'
She smiled through her tears. I felt very protective of her, such a delicate girl, her devotion is unquestionable.
'If you would permit me, I would like to see your .. you know.. penis,' I said demurely.
Like an obedient child she removed the top of her churidar, revealing her enticing pair of 34C breasts, encased in lace bra. Then she unfastened and pulled down her loose pants, exposing her red panties. Her penis was tucked upwards to the edge of the panties to reduce the effect of the raging erection.
Instantly my mouth was watering. I have never had a penis ever since my cheating husband left me fifteen years back. The tempestuous life with him had altogether alienated me from any kind of amorous relationship with men. Quite mesmerized I moved to the equipment like a somnambulist. It was not that big, but it was a penis after all. Shortly it was slithering in my mouth. Tomina was in seventh heaven. Ecstasy reeked from her mind and body. When I had her in my mouth I needed her in my vagina too. A pernicious emptiness gnawed me down there. I laid her on the bed and got on top of her. As I was oozing, her penis dived into me like a knife into melting butter. With a few strokes, I came violently, bathing her penis with my juice, within seconds she also came with a sweet shudder.
'Thank you Susanna madam, my life's ambition has been fulfilled,' she sobbed, 'I have been dreaming this moment all through my life, thank you.'
'I also needed it dear. I have been denying a penis to me for so long.'
'Let me worship you the way I want,' now it was her turn to take the lead. After a few minutes of sweet ministrations with her soft lips and subtle fingers, her mouth settled on my pussy. Within minutes she rewarded me with another violent orgasm.
Thereafter we have been very close, she was my shadow, my confidante, my companion and my soul mate. Once again I had a very active sex life. I want sex my way, I cannot let somebody maul my body like a wolf on a lamb. Sex had to be according to my script, and I wanted to be on the dominant side. But men, especially my estranged husband, do not have the patience or resourcefulness to fit my bill. But Tomina proved to be all that I wanted on bed, soft, yielding submissive and anxious to please. Her nubile body turned out to be my weakness. When we have the privacy we would make love to each other's breasts for hours on end. In fact my greatest asset apart from my charming Syrian Christian face, are my 35F breasts.
My reverie came to an end when she parked the car in the parking space on the ground floor. My apartment is on Marine Drive, up in the heavens on the thirteenth floor, overlooking the backwaters and the international transshipment terminal. Back in my room, she deposited my bag and helped me undress and change. My son has volunteered to wash the clothes daily. Usually she would eat me and then I would make love to her, but she was afraid to take the initiative today. But I needed a parting fuck, a wicked Parthian shot for my slobbering lover, to be frank.
I pulled her to the bed and undressed her. Her tool was ready for me as usual. We ended with a grunting climax. We lay together in the afterglow, sweat running down our cleavages.
'Does Nisha know what you have between your legs?' I asked.
She smiled, which meant 'yes'
'Did she ever take you to bed?"
"Yes"
That moment I hated her almost. I had been under the impression that there were no secrets between us. Nobody is indispensable; you have to be on your own.
When she marched out, I was left alone in my spacious apartment. Loneliness pounced on me from all sides. My son Tomy will turn up only after seven after his college and cricket. I reclined on the divan at the balcony overlooking the backwaters and the blue expanse of the Arabian Sea. The boats and canoes floated about like puny specs. Enormous centuries heaved in the silence of the sprawling urbanscape. Even in the urban cauldron of humanity, individuals like me are smothered by loneliness. That too, when I am still the fire in the youthful dreams of Kerala. After my marriage I had bowed out of the film world to make a family. It had disappointed millions of my admirers. But after my divorce, to make a living, I chose to become an actress in the seemingly endless serials. My shapely figure, with a slight plumpness lately, fitted well with the mother characters having pre adolescent children. But life is not money alone.
I watched life spreading its gaudy wings down there. On the famous footpath along the water front, lovers and holiday makers were moving on waves upon wave. I could see many of them looking out to the distant horizon from the rainbow bridge, the celebrated landmark. The silhouette of Bolghatty Palace could be discerned in the woods. The piercing spire of Vallarpadom Church was seen far and away. Cochin bar mouth, the opening through which many a sea faring nation ventured into the possibilities of India sprawled out pensively. A little to the left I could see millions of lights blinking and winking on Wellingdon Island the hub of maritime trade. Life spreads itself into myriad forms across the warp and woof of time and space.
My son came looking for me to the balcony. He is a cute and gentle child of eighteen, easy going and trouble free.
'Oh mother you are here,' he exclaimed, his eyes devouring me. His hair comes down to his shoulders and he does not have much hair on his face. So he has a cute feminine visage which is endearing.
'Tomy, let me stay to myself for some time. You go ahead,' I snapped.
At night sleep evaded me for some reason. I wanted company. I decided to go to Tomy for some sweet talk. I have never been to his room for years. Like many adolescents he also is an avid admirer of me. But I have never taken his passing infatuation seriously. In my time half of the population was keeping me in their fantasies.
I knocked at the door and opened it. He was on his laptop. Immediately he minimized whatever he was reading, he was indeed surprised by the short fuse visit.
'I just felt lonely, I wanted to sit near to you for some time,' I said.
'Sure mother, make yourself comfortable,' he volunteered to clear the books on the chair. I surveyed the room. It was, strikingly, full of me. The walls had full blown pictures of me in my bra as I was a model for a branded bra. The 35F tits are actually my asset.
Still more surprising, I noticed that his bare chest was tattooed with my picture. I gasped at the tattoo.
