The "virgin" mum (part 1)
It was never planned but worked out so well for both of us. Mum was in her late forties and had been divorced from my dad for around ten years: they had seemed to drift apart and, when I moved away, there didn't seem to be any glue to hold them together. Looking back, they had never seemed close or particularly affectionate towards each other but you never really think about your parent's relationship as you have nothing to compare it with.
Dad moved on and remarried, and I have a reasonable relationship with him, his new wife and his stepchildren. In the time since they had split up, mum had never seemed to have another boyfriend, or anybody really close really. I didn't think too much about it as I was busy with my job and my own family. I phoned every week; the family visited her for holidays, and I would come down for long weekends when there were jobs that needed doing around her house. This was one of those long weekends. As we had reached the end of autumn, I had been up ladders clearing gutters and making sure that the house was sound against the winter.
After a long, hot shower I was relaxing with mum on the big sofa in the living room. I was in a comfy tee shirt and jogging bottoms; Mum was dressed as usual in a pair of slacks and a stretchy top. Mum was always good looking, with a curvy figure but she was just my mum. The film on the TV was not particularly good one but neither of us were in the mind to turn it off and start again with something else. The main characters were a married couple who were constantly arguing and seemed to be heading for a breakup.
I was watching this without much attention and mum shifted on the sofa and leaned against me. This was nothing more than to do with the fact that the room was not overly warm and a bit of body heat never hurt. This was not unusual for the two of us, especially when we were alone together. I started thinking about the couple on the TV and the state of their relationship. I could see my mum was not that interested in the film, she kept looking at her watch and wasn't really watching the screen. I wondered whether she had gone through the same sort of arguments when she and my dad broke up. I asked, "Mum, was there any particular reason you and dad broke up?"
She seemed to think for a while before replying, "Not really, we drifted apart. I suppose we were never really happy together and," here she paused, "There was nothing physical to keep us together so the emotional part of the relationship just died away."
This was not quite what I had expected and wondered whether to ask more. As it turned out, I didn't have to ask. Mum went on "We had never had any experience of other people when we married so the physical side of the relationship never really worked." Now I was out of my depth but mum seemed to be quite happy to talk on.
Intrigued, I asked what she meant.
I need to explain that any reference to the physical act of sex on our house while I was growing up never happened. To hear my mum, make reference to the 'physical side of a relationship' was startling. "No sex?" I said.
"Of course there was" said mum, "Otherwise you wouldn't be here, it just wasn't very satisfying." I stayed silent, letting my mum speak. "It was always very quick and it was only later on that I began to realise that a woman could experience the same physical sensations as a man but I don't think your father ever thought about that."
I gently asked, "He never considered your pleasure?"
With a big breath, mum said, "He never gave me pleasure. In the whole of my life, I have never had an orgasm. Nice girls didn't play like that when I was growing up and your father is the only man I have ever slept with, so the chance has never been there."
"What about since then?" I asked.
Quietly my mum replied, "I never have, I don't know how and it seems wrong."
Now I didn't know what to do or say. I did the only thing I could think of and squeezed her around the shoulders. "Would you like to know what it feels like?" I asked, waiting for an explosion.
Mum nodded and said, "I probably never will, I am too old to start out with a new man, besides, it would be too embarrassing to admit to anyone that I don't know what I am doing in bed, especially at my age."
What came over me I do not know. I loved my mum very much and she obviously felt very deeply about this, but she had never articulated it before and, for all I knew, probably never could again. "I have an idea" I said, "Let me help. It will be between us, if it doesn't work, no one will know and we can never mention it between us. If it does work out you will be happier, even if it is just knowing what it is all about." It was said and the silence hung in the room. At least she had not screamed at me to get out, unable to bear the silence any more, I said, "If it doesn't feel right, or you want to stop then just say and we will finish watching the film." Another long pause, she seemed to be thinking about it.