Then It Dawned on Me

I was moaning loudly, too loudly, as he plunged his dick into me from behind. Probably best he couldn't see my face, my eyes were pressed shut so hard, I was almost starting to see dots. My legs were getting sore from me flexing so hard, yet I was nowhere close. It's not like I expected to cum. He'd never made me cum before, at least not with his dick. No one else ever really had. I suppose I was trying the "If you build it, they will come" technique to manifest my orgasm. Act like you're having one and maybe you will. I was building, but I was not cumming.

Then he was there, behind my eyelids. My brother's hot breath on my neck and ear, his strong fingers touching my bare skin sending electricity into me, the motion of his cock splitting me in half. I shook it away, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep picturing him while I'm having sex with my boyfriend... But I was so close now, maybe just this last ti-

"Unnnghhh. uhh.. uhhh.. hhhaaaaa..."

The problem with trying to fake it till you make it is that some dudes take that as their immediate green light to go ahead and cum too. At least thats what Brian was doing lately. We had been fucking for a few months and all the fun, new sex had worn off once he became my boyfriend. I couldn't remember the last time he'd made me cum, or the last time I'd cum without thinking about Ethan.

It wasn't fair, I knew that. I knew a lot of it was my fault, but I just couldn't help it. It was hard to get excited about any old sex after you've cheated with your "fuck of a lifetime" brother. It's kinda like getting a head change from a cigarette after you've done heroin. I had been determined not to chase that dragon after he told me it was never happening again. I could go back to life as I knew it before, it would just take time.

After our night together, I laid wide awake in Ethan's guest bedroom for the 3 hours we had before he was supposed to drive me back to pick up my car at Luscious. There was no way I was sleeping, my mind was reeling. What had we done? Not only had I made him cheat on his wife, we had committed incest. Super fucking hot incest, but still. If anyone found out, our family was fucked. I don't think the "half-siblings who didn't grow up together" aspect of our relationship would make anyone feel any better about what we had done. Even with this rolling around in my brain, mostly I was occupied with reliving the experience over and over.

I didn't regret it, and I didn't want to forget any of it. I laid there touching myself where he'd touched me. My lips, my neck, my nipple, trying in vain to feel as good as he made me feel. I wanted those rough hands back on me, gliding and groping my curves and holding me tightly. Finally, I touched my clit the way he had. I replayed the words he spoke directly into my ear because they were just for us. My panting breaths and the scratch of my arm against the bed sheet as I rubbed my clit were all that could be heard through the sleeping house.

Round in circles and up and down across my sensitive nub, my breaths came quicker. As I thought about the first time he was seated all the way inside me and how he held me there, I plunged my middle and ring fingers inside my wet hole, curling them upward and rubbing my g-spot. I fucked myself with my poor substitute for my brother's dick and came clenching around those fingers thinking about the way it felt when he came inside of me. I pulled my fingers out realizing his cum was still in me and put them to my mouth. I tasted ever so slightly something other than me and closed my eyes to savor it.

I dressed for the 2nd time that morning and went to the couch to wait for my ride. I heard a door gently close and saw Ethan appear from the hallway in fresh clothes with his head down. He didn't look at me as he passed the living room heading for the kitchen. I wondered if he knew I was there. Maybe he's not a morning person?

"You ready? I'll be late for work if we don't leave pretty soon." I said as I peeked my head in. He grabbed his keys off the counter.

"Lets hit it then." He said without even a glance.

We didn't speak or look at each other for almost the entire ride. I started fuming a little. What is this? This is boy shit. Just shutting down and not acknowledging anything after something like that. As we exited off the highway I let it out.

"Well, is this us now? We're never going to speak or look at each other again?" I said a little too indignantly.

"Come on now, that's not fair."

"Well, what's going on then?" I barked.

"Excuse me for not reading the Emily Post chapter on how to properly behave after you've fucked your own sister." He snapped back at me.

After some silence I tentatively asked, "Do you regret it?"

"No... Yes, maybe.. I mean no, absolutely not, but I feel bad, and confused." He pulled into the space next to my car and put his truck in park. He stared at his hands on the wheel while I waited for him to think about what to say. "I'm older, I'm married, I should have been more responsible. I took advantage of you, and I don't want to hurt you, but... you know we can't be together, right? That isn't what this was. Maybe if you knew that you wouldn't have done it."

"E, you didn't take advantage. I told you I wanted it, and I meant it. You don't have to treat me like a little kid. I'm not going to catch feelings, and I'm not an idiot, I know we can't be together."

"You're sure as hell not that."

"Not what? A little kid, or an idiot?"

He chuckled, "Both."

I put my hand on his thigh and gave him a warm smile. "I don't regret it, and I don't expect anything... Except for you not to ignore me."

He smiled a little with his mouth and a lot with his eyes as he turned his body to me. He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled my mouth to his. My lips opened for his tongue, and he pushed in slow. I licked his lip and the smooth side of his tongue. The pit of my stomach sank because it wasn't like our other kisses. It wasn't exploding hot or intense, it was deep and slow. A goodbye kiss if I ever had one. I pulled away and gave him a questioning look.

"I don't regret it either. Being inside you was... well it was one of the best things ever. Maybe too good. That's why I think... we probably shouldn't do it again." He looked down in shame at the last thought.

My petulance had completely melted away and as I stared at him, I felt guilty. I shouldn't have given him such a hard time. This was a big old hairy mess, even more so for him.

"Yeah. Probably." He looked up from his wallow and caught my smiling eyes. He looked relieved, maybe not that I understood everything that he was thinking, but at least that I wasn't going to fight him on it. "Thanks for the ride, I had a great time." I said with a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey." He hollered as I was about to close the door behind me.

"Yeah?"

"You know you're my favorite sister, right?"

"You're my favorite brother too." I said with laughter in my voice. I closed the door and got into my car to haul ass to work.

I was yanked back from my memory when Brian pulled out and flopped down onto the bed next to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He was a good guy, and cute, sexy even. I had to put my whole self in, I couldn't keep fantasizing the way I had been. I promised myself I'd be better to him.

My phone rang as I was getting dressed. "Mom Calling".

"Hey mom, what's up?"

"Hey sweetie, your dad and I are calling to see if you are bringing Brian to Christmas Eve dinner a Wu Sahn? We need to give Uncle Frank a final head count, so he can make reservations."

"Yes we'll both be there."

"Okay great, we also have some news about Ethan.." she said in her 'here comes bad news' tone.

"Oh no, what's wrong?" Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Pick your heart up out of your shoes and act like nothing happened.

"He and Michelle are getting a divorce."

Fuck... "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, is he okay?"

"Yeah, you know him he's tough." I think was what she said, I couldn't hear much over the blood pumping in my ears.

"Well, thanks for letting me know. I'm sorry guys I'm getting ready for work and I gotta get going."

"Oh we're sorry darling! We understand, have a great day."

"You guys too, I'll see you at dinner."

I stood frozen not knowing what step to take next to get out the door. Fuck. Did she find out? Is it me? Could I be more self centered? It's been months, it doesn't have anything to do with me. He said never again.

I was smoothing out my dress' wrinkles from sitting in the car for an hour as Brian grabbed my waist to escort me into the private room in the restaurant where our party was. After my mother's parents died the family decided we'd get together at a Chinese restaurant every Christmas Eve so no one would have to host.

I was hugging Aunt Bess and I saw him over her shoulder. Ethan was here. He never came to stuff with my mother's family. Our eyes met and through them we said a lot. I tried to push away my growing arousal as I hugged and introduced Brian to most of the family when we finally came to Ethan.

"Hey stranger." I said as I gave him a hug. God he was warm and his muscles were hard under his shirt. He looked damn good in a collar.

"Hey back. Who do we have here?" He asked directing his attention and extending his right hand out toward Brian. The left he kept appropriately resting on my back where it had been during our hug.

"Brian, the boyfriend."

"Brian," I said gesturing toward Ethan, "this is my brother, Ethan."

"Oh, the favorite brother?" Brian asked me quietly.

"Haha. It's okay, the other one isn't here. I'm flattered you know." Ethan said.

"Brian!" dad called out, "you've been here too long and met too many people without a drink. Come to the bar with me."

I nodded telling Brian he should go. I watched him disappear and turned my attention to Ethan. He dropped his hand from my back and I wished he hadn't. I had to remind myself he didn't want me again.

"I didn't expect to see you here." I said pleasantly surprised.

"I came to see you."

"I heard about you and Michelle... I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"Any particular reason?"

He gave me a sidelong glance with half a smirk. "Sometimes things just don't work out."

"I see. Well, I do hope you're okay."

"I am, feels good to be around family." It was my turn to give a knowing stare. It seemed like we were speaking our own language. Everything we said meant what we said and something else. It was a thrill, but I couldn't help but remember his 'probably shouldn't happen again' speech. I was reading too much in to this little interaction and I needed to stop. Luckily a cold bucket of water hit me in the form of Brian returning with drinks.

"Can we sit with you?" I asked Ethan, knowing he didn't know anyone else but our dad well enough to sit with.

"Please."

We were settling our drinks and coats when Uncle Frank addressed the room.

"Alright everyone, thank you for coming. I think everyone is now here so it's time to gather up for a picture before we all get food in our teeth." Fake laughs and eye rolls were shared throughout as everyone tried to take their positions for the picture.

Being the tallest, Ethan and I went to the back and Brian stepped to the opposite side of me as others continued to file in. Brian threw his arm over my shoulder and I put mine around his waist. Then my neck felt like it caught fire. Not because of the sweater clad arm suffocating it, but because Ethan had a handful of my ass.

I dared a small glance in his direction, and he was looking forward as though nothing was going on until he turned slightly and gave me a very small wink. I looked forward at the camera and at the parents trying to herd their children, and pose them where everyone could be seen. I tried to keep my face from flushing as I felt the material of my dress being pulled up by his alternating index and middle fingers until he felt bare flesh. He froze at the discovery that I wasn't wearing underwear... again. He ran his hand up and down once over the curve of my ass, and then he positioned his big hand in the middle of the cleft, fingers down, until he brought them up.

I had to use every muscle in my body to keep from shaking like a leaf and giving the game away, at least to Brian. Those sexy rough fingers touched my soft labia with a caress followed by a strong push upward. His eyes blatantly stared at me and the muscle in his jaw flexed when he felt how wet I already was. I'd been wet since I saw him. He stuck the tip of his middle finger inside me while the rest of his hand grabbed my flesh hard, stretching me open as he did. He released his grip, gently holding my ass with his palm and keeping my labia open with his other fingers as he dipped his inserted finger in further and started stroking my inner walls. It wasn't much movement but it was killing me.

"Okay everybody say CHEESE!"

*Flash* *Flash* *Flash*

After the first picture was taken I felt him recede, filling me with relief and disappointment, only to feel him push further back up inside. Two, three, four more pumps stroking my insides, and then he took his finger out and pushed forward for one quick swipe over my clit before removing his hand just in time for Brian's to land on my waist.

"You okay babe? You're shaking."

"Yeah, just a little cold in here." I managed as I watched Ethan bring his finger to his mouth and suck. I wanted to taste myself off his tongue, I wanted him to stick it down my throat. Everything I'd been fighting not to think about, I wanted it all right then. The look in his eyes told me he did too. What about him telling me we shouldn't do it again? Was he just playing? Did he change his mind? I didn't want to assume too much, but fingering me in the middle of a family event seemed like more than playful flirting.

I sat sandwiched between Brian and Ethan at our table as waiters came around with appetizers. I was really trying to compose myself and shake off the fire Ethan had lit in me, or at least not let it show in front of everyone. Each time I got close, I'd catch sight of his throat as he swallowed, or hear his laugh, or feel the press of his knee against my leg under the tablecloth. I looked into his eyes and couldn't take it anymore. He looked hungry, and I was starving for him.

"I've got to go to the bathroom. You know what I like if the waitress comes around." I said to Brian as everyone made their way back to their seats. He nodded as he was suddenly caught in conversation with one of my more chatty cousins. I slipped out and walked slowly to the restroom when I felt the insistent hand I knew was coming push me into the men's room.

I stepped in and checked to see that no one else was inside and when I was convinced we were alone, I was on him. I pushed my whole body against his, pinning him to the door and brought his head down, so I could lick his mouth. He had both arms wrapped around me tightly and was feverishly returning my kisses.

"You're insane. You know that?" I breathed out between kisses.

"I couldn't help it. I tried not to want you, I did, but all I've thought about since you walked through that door in this fucking dress has been how I can get inside of you." I was licking and nibbling at his neck and ear as his hands groped me and starting pulling at my dress again.

"What happened to 'probably never again'?" He walked me back until I was the one pinned against the wall.

"Turns out 'probably' doesn't mean 'definitely', because I 'definitely' want you right fucking now."

I had trouble keeping my thoughts straight now with my skirt up around my waist and his mouth on my neck while his fingers smeared my wetness around the outside of my pussy. "We don't have time."

He growled knowing I was right, but paused and apparently decided he didnt care, because he unbuckled his pants and I somehow heard the zipper fall with his tongue buried in one ear and his hand over the other holding my head. "I'll fuck you fast and hard. We won't take too long."

I broke from his hold, and he started to chase me until he realized I was going into a stall for more privacy. His eyes darkened, and he followed me in, and spun me so that I was facing the wall and with a hand in the middle of my back pushed me into it and held me there. I pulled up the back of my dress and placed my other hand on the wall to support myself as I stuck my ass out at him. He smeared the top of his cock in my wetness and rubbed it against my clit before pushing into my hole. We both audibly moaned at our long awaited connection and I slapped the wall next to my head. A shiver ran through him as he held inside me, savoring the hot wetness for a moment before he took both of my hands and held them against the wall up over my head. Grabbing both wrists with one hand, he brought the other to my hip for leverage as he pulled out and slammed back into me.

"Fuck. This pussy..." He was deep and pushing further as if he could climb all the way inside. He pressed his forehead against my temple, forcing my cheek and tits harder into the wall. "I missed you J. I've cum so many times thinking about you." He said sweetly as he picked up his pace. Hard and fast was what he promised.

"Me too. No one makes me feel like this. You fuck me perfectly." His strong hold on me, the repetitive motion of his dick as it filled and emptied me, and the electricity in the connection between us seemed like a fantasy come to life.

"Did you mean what you said last time? That you'd never leave me?"

"Of course."

"I can always have you?"

"Mmhmm. Always."

He growled, "Fuck." When he discovered he didn't need his hand on my hip to bring me into each drive, that I was throwing my ass back at him on my own, he brought his fingers to my mouth.

"Lick me." I ran my tongue up and closed my mouth around his middle two fingers, sucking hard and leaving behind a coating of saliva. He brought them back down and paused his thrusts to slap my clit before rubbing away the sting. My legs buckled and I cried out my pleasure as he resumed thrusting slowly and powerfully until he was sure my legs would hold up again, and he could go back to the pace that would promise to get us both off and out of here in time.

"You think Brian will be able to smell your pussy on me when we go back to the table?" My muscles clenched at his words and the idea of going back to the family dinner taking place a few dozen feet away after this. "Damn!" he reacted to my grip around his thrust, "You like being such a dirty little slut don't you?"

"Mmmhmm, Dirty Little Slut Just for You." The beginnings of each of my words being punched out by each thrust. He growled at my confession and the next few pumps were slower but hit a little harder. My breath was short my eyes were closing involuntarily, I was in pure bliss, and I told him so. "Keep rubbing me like that.. you're gonna make me cum." But instead he stopped short.

"Shhhhh! Did you hear that?" he whispered. I shook my head, now on high alert. He released my wrists, pulled out of me and turned me around. He bent and grabbed the backs of my thighs. "Up!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, and he pushed his body into mine to help hold me against the wall. I thought we were just hiding my feet from being seen under the stall door until he reached under to lift my ass and placed his cock head at my opening and lowered me down onto it.

As we heard the door to the bathroom open, Ethan looked hard into my eyes and covered my mouth with his hand. The man whistled as he walked to the urinal, unzipped, and started peeing. Ethan slowly moved in and out of me with his forehead pressed against mine. I had quickly lost the orgasm I was right on the brink of but the thrill of someone being in the room and the slow intensity of Ethan's movements, kept it from extinguishing all together.