There with Love for Mom

It was an innocent question that opened the floodgates. “Robert, how come you never see any of these girls more than once or twice?”

“Mom,” he said, “it’s horrible; not one of these girls is interesting to me, not one of them excites me. Even if I had the chance I wouldn’t want to go to bed with them.”

I laughed, “I thought a boy of your age wanted to go to bed with every girl he saw.”

I think my laughing angered and emboldened him. Richard looked at me for a long time and said, “No mom, I just want one, and it’s your fault.”

That brought me to attention and before I could say anything he added, “I saw you with Paul mom; I saw what you did.”

Robert and I had been living alone for about three months after Paul left. I guess I should say after my ex left, and then Paul left six months later. Paul is my oldest.

My ex left because I wanted him to, and Paul left because he wanted to. I call him my ex because even the sound of his name is like chalk on a blackboard. My ex wasn’t a good husband, he wasn’t a good father, he wasn’t a good lover, and he wasn’t a good person. His resume speaks for itself, enough said.

On the day Mr.Ex left, Paul said, “Doreen, he’s history?” I said yes and he said, “Oh.” Paul never mentioned or asked about his father again. That’s the way he is, a shrug of his shoulders and on to the next thing.

Paul had taken to calling me Doreen since he was about twelve and no matter what I said about it, he just kept on calling me Doreen and finally I just said to myself, “He’s not on drugs, he comes home at night, what’s the difference what he calls you?”

Robert my youngest seemed even more relieved than I on the day his father left. He asked me so many questions, he made my head spin. When he asked if my ex was a good sex partner, I drew the line and said, “End of discussion.”

That was about the time that Robert began confiding in me. When he was very young, whenever I turned to look for him, he was by my side. There he was finishing high school and he seemed to have returned. He was unhappy, he had no friends, and I instinctively wanted to help him. He had always been high-strung, shy, and unable to get out from under the shadow of his older brother Paul.

I had always pushed him to be more social, setting him up with some dates, but they inevitably ended poorly. Contrary to my expectations he had gotten worse after Paul left the house. I thought he would bloom, but he only stayed closer to home and closer to me.

When Robert said that he’d seen me with Paul, I couldn’t swallow. Images of my older son making love to me flooded my mind. I saw him above me, taking me, fucking me for hours into the night. I said, “No honey…no.” I fought for more denials and none came, then I began choking up.

“I saw it lots of times mom” he said. “When you thought I wasn’t home. I saw how you looked at him mom. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

My head swirled and I knew that it would be fruitless to say it didn’t happen. “Oh honey, what happened between Paul and me was wrong; it was a mistake.” I was trailing off into a whisper. “You think I’m terrible…maybe you’re right honey…maybe I am a terrible mother… I know it’s hard for you to understand what happened…I’m sorry you saw it baby…it was wrong.”

I spoke for a while like that and he stopped talking; he just stared at me. I was probably less than convincing because I had never convinced myself. What was wrong was that Paul had left me. It sounds pathetic even to me, but what was wrong, was that my son had broken my heart.

If one revelation wasn’t enough the second certainly was. Robert said, “I don’t think you’re terrible mom; I just want you to look at me like that for once. Don’t you understand?” I didn’t; it just wouldn’t register. Finally it started to sink in. “Mom, the reason I’m not interested in other girls is because…I want you the way Paul wanted you.”

“Oh Robert no, you don’t mean that. It’s just that what you saw…maybe it made you think…”

“No mom, I’m not a kid anymore, I can vote and I can drink and I can want who I want. Mom I want you; I want to be with you.”

Robert continued to tell me that he was in love with me. I could see he was getting excited because I was letting him say things a son shouldn’t be saying to his mother. “Mom I want to be inside you so bad; I just want you to open yourself once for me like you did for Paul, so I can be the one that’s inside you. I just want to love you like he did.”

All I kept saying was that it was wrong but that only inflamed him more. He came within a few inches of me and whispered fiercely, “It wasn’t wrong with him was it? And where is he? He’s gone. Mom, I’m here, and I love you, and I want you so much; I can’t think of being with anyone else.”

At that moment I fully understood why people say, “Turned off” and “Turned on.” After Paul left, I had masturbated frequently. That didn’t last long, and after a few weeks it tailed off and I stopped caring about sex. I was depressed for months and my sexual impulses had virtually shut down. The look in my young son’s face, the heated smell coming off his body, and his mouth so close to mine; opened the floodgates. I felt the flush, the rapid rise and fall of my breasts, the wetness between my legs.

I didn’t know what I believed anymore and I knew he was about to kiss me…sweet kiss, hard, and then softer, until I felt him loving me in my mouth with his tongue. I should have shut it down right away but I didn’t, or I couldn’t. I didn’t know the difference at the time. It wasn’t how I thought of myself. I wasn’t a woman who would let her son have sex with her, and yet I was about to do it again.

His hands found my breasts and my body was moving as if it was no longer under my control. My son reached under my bra and after massaging the bared flesh he took the nipple between his fingers. I reached to hold the hardness in his pants and was surprised by its solidity and girth. I took his pants down and marveled at the staff that was up so high it almost rested on his belly. I went down without thinking that the cock before me belonged to my young son and licked it from his balls to the swollen head. And then I did it again as the sound of “OH mom” reached my ears. And then I did it again.

I stood and my son took my clothes off until I stood naked before him. “You’re so beautiful,” he told me. “Your tits are so beautiful,” he said as he filled his hand with the warm flesh. “Your pussy is so beautiful,” he said as he massaged me between my legs. He led me to the couch and as I sat he went on his knees before me. He lifted my legs until I was supine. With both hands in the crooks of my knees he opened me and held my legs up and out. His mouth on my pussy was electric. He licked the lips and quickly found my clit. With my eyes closed I knew what I was doing was even worse than letting my young son eat my pussy, I was thinking of Paul. He was sucking me the way Paul did, and then, it was as if it was Paul that was sucking me, Paul that was loving me again.

He had only to take my clit into his mouth and massage it with his tongue a few times before I felt myself coming, and then I heard myself coming. It was a cross between a cry and a moan. It was a come that had been building for months. I had to bite my lip to keep from calling out my older son’s name. I never came so fast. I kept repeating the cry as my young son kept eating my pussy until I trailed off into a whimper. For a moment I felt completely satisfied but Robert didn’t stop. He kept licking, and sucking, and eating, until I was responding again, wanting to come again.

He let my legs down and came up to kiss me. My taste on him spurred me on. His mouth was on my ear and his heated words of desire echoed my own. “I want to be inside you mom; I want to be in your pussy.”

My son wanted me, but I was the one who was supposed to say no. My son was hard for me, but I was supposed to stop him. Instead, I reached for the cock I was never supposed to have. “Yes baby,” I said to the son who was not there, “be inside your mama, in my pussy, in my pussy, in my pussy.”

The first sweet penetration caused me to take a deep intake of air. Despite my wetness I still felt the force of his full manhood entering me. He pushed all the way in and I felt like Paul was in me again, fucking me and filling me like he had so many times before. I held him in me against his urgency to move and stroke. “Please stay,” I implored him.” “Stay inside me like this, just for a minute baby, it feels so good to be filled like this.”

I held him fast as he said how much he loved me; I held him until neither of us could stay still any longer. My hips moved and his cock moved. He gave me the full length of his manhood over and over. At the edge of my consciousness a voice was questioning my sanity, telling me that it was my son Robert’s cock that was in my pussy, Robert that was driving me toward orgasm. I stopped listening and let the feelings wash over me: the feelings in my nipples, in my pussy, and on every inch of skin.

I thought about Paul with each stroke that was penetrating my pussy. I waited for my young son to come in me hoping it would be like it was with Paul, strong and hard and long. I expected him to come quickly but he stayed in me and gave me more than I thought an eighteen year old without much experience could. I became more excited. When he did say, “Mom I’m coming, I’m coming in you,” I was ready. I let myself go, and it was Paul who was coming in me, full and strong as he always did. I came with my love that had come back to me, if only in my passion, and if only for a moment.

After we came, I felt guilty for having slept with my son, and more ashamed that I had used him as a substitute for his brother. But it felt good to be sexually relieved and I was proud that my son could make love so well.

The next morning, before Robert awoke and I could sort things out with him, the phone rang. When I answered, I knew I was in trouble. It was only the third or fourth time I’d heard from him since he left. “Hi mom, it’s Paul” was enough to send a flutter into my belly.

“Hi sweetheart.” I said it as if I had never cried disconsolately when he told me he was leaving. I said it as if I didn’t scream all those terrible things at him after begging him to stay.

“Mom, I have to be in the city for a while on business with the new job. What would you think about me staying at the house? You shouldn’t be angry at me forever, should you?”

“No, of course not honey, yes, come home; Robert and I would love to see you.”

Why give yourself heartache? Why ask for trouble? I knew I wasn’t thinking right but there I was, one week later, dressing for his arrival. I had put Robert off with pleas for his understanding. I didn’t tell him Paul was coming at first and only said that I needed time and that I loved him.

I looked in the full mirror at the dark makeup Paul liked around my eyes, at his favorite dress with stockings and heels. I touched the perfume to the neck that he used to bury his face into as he inhaled.

I thought about the first time I was intimate with Paul. Robert was with his father for a weekend trip, the father who was trying to make up for being a shit for hundreds of weekends. It was a Friday night and Paul was home. I had made dinner and we had both finished two beers. There was quiet music playing and I was feeling good so I asked Paul to dance with me. At first he refused but I pulled him up playfully and he held me close. Having one beer is usually my limit, but was I drunk from the two - not very. Not having affection, or warmth, or sex, for ten months - was I hungry? Yes, very.

Our bodies fit well into the dance and I could feel my son getting hard against me. It felt good and I wasn’t put off by it. His lips were on my cheek, not quite kissing; his hands were under my waist and not quite touching where he shouldn’t. All he said was, “You feel good ma.”

I said, “Thank you sweetheart,” and gently kissed his lips. During the longest thirty seconds of my life, our lips stayed together. His tongue lightly touched mine and his hand sat firmly where they shouldn’t. We looked in each other’s eyes and kept dancing. Our deepening breaths said all that had to be said. Both of his hands caressed my breasts and I didn’t stop him; I closed my eyes and enjoyed it.

Paul unbuttoned my top and unhooked the bra without fumbling; he’d done it before. He gently stroked my bare breasts and the nipples responded. We were still moving slowly against each other to the music as he leaned down to take one of my breasts into his mouth. His sucking became increasingly strong and his teeth across the nipple sent a jolt through me that caused me to yelp. He didn’t stop and my body undulated against the hard mass that bulged in his pants. The urgency with which he said, “Mom, I want you,” let me know we were at a point of no return. I also knew that I was going to let him have me.

I took his hand and we went into my bedroom. I unhooked my skirt as he took off his shirt and pants. I was momentarily stopped when he stood naked before me. His cock was large and hard and the realization that it was my son that was about to fuck me was daunting. He finished disrobing me by pulling my panties down. He said, “God ma, you’re great looking.”

I expected him to take me in a heated fury but he took control as if he’d had many women before me. He kneeled and before taking me in his mouth said, “What a pretty pussy.” His kisses between my legs made me hotter than I needed to be. I went down on my knees and took him in my arms. We kissed and touched and then I was on my back on the floor. My son opened my wet pussy with his cock and I knew I would never be able to take away the fact that I was a mother who had let her son fuck her. I hoped I would never want to.

At that moment all I wanted was more. More of my son’s loving attention, and more of my son’s cock. I didn’t care if it was true or not, at that moment I needed to hear the words. “Tell me you love me honey, tell me.”

“Yes mamma, I love you, I love you more than anything.” I knew he would say anything to keep on fucking me but I didn’t care. He said I love you with each stroke and my heated desire convinced me it was true. He pushed deeper into my pussy and I was wet enough to hear the moist insertions. He touched my ass and he touched my breasts as he stroked me. His hand moved over all of me as his cock moved inside me. I could feel his pace rising towards orgasm when I knew I had to stop him because I wasn’t protected, in more ways than one.

A slight cold tremor went through me. “Baby, don’t come inside me – you have to stop.”

He grumbled “Oh fuck…” and pulled out.

I said, “I’m sorry baby, I just wanted you in me for a while, but momma’s going to take care of you.” I went into a sixty-nine position. I took his cock into my mouth and was intent on making him feel good, not caring if was going to do me or not. It was only a moment later that I felt his mouth on me. I sucked the big, warm, cock that tasted of my pussy juices, hardly able to concentrate because of what my son was doing to my clit. I couldn’t imagine how he had learned the things he knew about a woman’s body.

My clit was throbbing and aching to send me over. I stroked his cock harder as I sucked hoping he would come because I couldn’t wait any longer. I cupped his balls and stopped long enough to say, “Come for mamma baby.”

I heard his sounds on my clit just before the first stream of cum almost choked me. I wasn’t expecting so much, so fast, and so hard. After the initial jet was swallowed, my instincts took over because I had started to come myself. I continued sucking my son as he came in my mouth but the body-wracking orgasm I was experiencing overwhelmed me. It had been almost a year and a half since I came from a man’s touch, and it felt like it.

I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts and I said, “Stay with me tonight baby, sleep here.” I wanted to be inside him, as deep as he had been inside me. We crawled into bed and I felt him naked against me and held him as I trembled. He soothed me and touched me and soon I calmed and was able to fall asleep for a while.

I awoke and I was on my belly. Paul was taking me from behind. I didn’t know how long he had been inside of me but I was wet. I said, “Paul don’t…”

He said, “Don’t worry mom, I’m not going to come in you.” He pressed into me as I relaxed and felt him deep in my pussy.

I said, “I’m sorry honey, tomorrow I’m going to go back on the pill.” With that statement I was declaring to both of us that what was happening was not a one-time thing. I was also telling my son that he could have me whenever he wanted me. I needed some reassurance and asked him more leading questions. “Is it good baby; is this what you want…you do love me don’t you baby?”

“Yes mom, yes, yes” He gave me a few kind words and he gave me the length of his cock over and over until he pulled out and came. I felt the warm cum on my ass and in the small of my back.

The next months were the most sexually active of my life. He wanted me all the time and he had me all the time. At least all the time we could find when Robert wasn’t around. I was flushed with the reverie when the doorbell rang.

When I opened the door, I knew I wasn’t only in trouble, I knew I was finished. It was hopeless. I looked at Paul’s tanned handsome face and it was all over me: the feelings, the desire, and the senseless love that he wouldn’t return.

I went to his arms anyway. Feeling him against me again was wonderful. He held me longer that I had hoped for, closer than I had hoped for. I loved hearing him say, “I missed you mom.”

I pulled away when I heard Robert coming. Paul’s greeting was lots warmer than Robert’s. We had a pleasant dinner and then things started getting complicated. When Robert was out of earshot, Paul said to me, “Mom, I came back because I want to be with you, I have to be with you. You’re the one that does it for me.” I didn’t know what to say but Paul did. “Mom we’re going to sleep in the same room tonight and that’s all there is to it.”

I said “But Robert…”

“Mom, I’ll talk to Robert; it’s all going to be fine.” I knew it was my responsibility to talk to Robert but I was glad not to have to deal with it.

The brothers spoke for a nerve-wracking hour and when they came back, they both looked fine. I thought it was miraculous. Paul said smiling, “See mom, I told you it would all work out; Robert understands it all now.”

I said, “Robert, are you sure its all okay with you, because…”

“It’s fine mom, Paul and I talked about everything, I’m cool with it, you guys do what makes you happy.”

I was so relieved I almost cried. “Thank you baby, I love you.” I blew Robert a kiss.

It was excruciating waiting until we went to bed. Paul was quiet. I had so many questions and doubts and fears but I didn’t want to stir up a hornet’s nest so I thought I would let it all go and do it over time, now that we’d be together. He gave his most charming smile and said, “Mom, take your clothes off - slowly.”

I did a kind of joking strip tease and when my bra came off he beckoned me over with his finger. “You always had great tits, mom” he said. He kneaded them and fondled them until I tingled and then he sucked each nipple in earnest. His passion often lent him a rough edge so I wasn’t surprised when he pinched and twisted them until I squealed.

When we were both naked Paul was on his back on the bed with his cock straight up. “He gave me a wicked smile and said, “Look what I have for you mom; come and get it.” I was uncomfortable with his tone but he was beautiful lying there. He gave me an order. “Now lick it and sit on it.”

I figured he wanted to play so I joked, “Yes master, your slave will obey you.” I licked along the shaft thinking it would be as it had been before he left. When I used to suck him, I was in control. He kept looking at me as I engulfed the head into my mouth. He didn’t moan the way he used to; he just smiled as if I were a whore servicing him and not his mother who was making love to him.