The next morning we ate breakfast with Emma. Neither of us knew what to say. The basic details of what had happened last night had happened countless times before. But, unbeknownst to Emma, we'd vocalized something we'd never admitted to each other, or really even our own selves.
Emma picked up on it. "You guys seem... quiet today."
"It's just, you know, jet lag."
Emma shrugged, and the three of us sat there, eating our cereal in silence.
"Alright well, I'm going to a party tonight, and you two should come."
I shrugged, but Sydney nodded. "Oh, uh, sure." It felt like Syd and I had a lot to talk about, but we wouldn't have much time before tonight. I had to go take a brunch shift at the bar. "Give Sydney the details, I'll meet you two there."
I headed to the shower and tried not to think about my sister. It didn't work.
When I got out and got dressed, Sydney was lying in my bed, reading a book. We'd been together long enough to have some stuff stashed at each others' places. She didn't say anything, and neither did I. But when I leaned down to give her a goodbye kiss, she pulled me in and gave me a longer one, deeper.
"I know you need some time to think, babe."
I took a deep breath. "I do. Thank you. I love you, so much." I kissed her back.
"I love you, too. Have a good shift."
I left, and the whole shift I was thinking about the night before, and what Sydney had suggested. I couldn't get it out of my head. But luckily the bar was busy, and there's no time to think about your taboo desires when you've got six Bloody Marys and four Mimosas to make.
With a slightly clearer head, I finished up my shift and headed back home to change into slightly nicer clothes, before heading to the party.
The house was packed, and the music was loud. I walked around, trying to find my sister and my girlfriend. It took a moment, but once I found the dance floor, I wasn't surprised to see them at the center of it. Two gorgeous women surrounded by guys they were expertly swatting away. When Sydney saw me, she reached out and pulled me in, joining the two of them in loose, casual dancing. The crowd kept us all in close proximity, but never anything that crossed a line for a brother and sister. We all grinned at each other and loosened up.
Eventually Emma split off with a guy, one of the typical conquests in her rotation, and Sydney and I went outside for some of the cold air, to catch a breather and cool off. We ended up going on a walk, and finally with some time to ourselves, we talked.
"So, uh, thanks for not bringing this up yet."
Sydney giggled. "Babe, it's ok. I know it's a big thing. Take your time."
"No, I feel like I need to talk about it. I'm ready now."
"Ok, sure." She paused. "And, just to clarify, you don't need to feel pressured or anything, I'm just throwing it out there. It's just a thought. Just a fantasy."
I nodded. "A fantasy you want to do something about..." I thought for a second and added, "... a fantasy we want to do something about."
"Right. I mean, there's no pressure. If not, that's totally fine. We'll have an awkward conversation and move on."
We kept walking, letting the sound of our footsteps be the only soundtrack for a moment.
"So, you think you want... that? With Emma? Like... it's not just a thing you think I want... It'd be for you, too?"
"Honestly? It was your reaction that started to convince me. I'd had my own thoughts, and hearing you admit yours. Hearing you admit your fantasy." She bit her lip. "It was a big turn on."
"Totally... but that's still mostly just about me. But I'm asking... how would you feel about it?" I paused to look at her while she considered it.
Her face was adorable. I loved her little nose turning pink in the cold. "Excited. Scared. Embarrassed. Turned on. All at the same time."
I smiled. "Sounds like it's been on your mind, too."
She nodded. "It has. I've never been with a girl... in that way. But your sister... she's perfect. Gorgeous of course, but also so smart, so strong, so sexy. Like you I guess."
I laughed. "Aw shucks." She playfully shoved me and laughed with me. "Well, I'm not gonna lie. I think it's hot, too." I really did. It felt so odd admitting that. At the same time I felt an anxious knot in my stomach. I looked at my girlfriend again. "Syd... how far are you thinking of taking this?"
She looked me square in the eye. "As far as you're comfortable." I could tell she meant that.
I was quiet, thinking. I had to say the full implication out loud. The thing we hadn't allowed ourselves to say yet. "So... like... you and her...?"
"Sure, I'd be down. Is that what you want?"
I blushed, but pushed through the embarrassment. "I mean, you're asking me to say it, so... I'd like to watch you two. I'd really like that." I laughed, and she did too. "Do we... do we stop there?"
Her face was serious, but I saw a hint of that classic Sydney mischief. "Maybe not." I love that look in her eyes.
"So like... all of us? Together?" Sydney shrugged, not fully committing, but a smile peeking just at the corner of her lips. "That's not like... wrong? Me. Her."
She nodded. "I guess, but it feels right, doesn't it?"
"It does." I didn't make any sense, but it did.
"You know, Ben, a long time ago I read somewhere that a healthy sex life requires open communication. And if something makes you happy, and it's not hurting anyone else, and your partner is ok with it, then maybe it's not a bad thing. You shouldn't be ashamed. Maybe just keep it... private."
"Is that what this is, a healthy sex life?"
She couldn't hold back a laugh. "Maybe I'm fucked up. Maybe I'm the right person to ask. But I don't know... I think it could be. I think it could be beautiful."
At this point we'd fully stopped walking, just standing in the middle of a quiet street, no moving cars or people in sight. "So... what if... she says no?"
"I think we both know the answer to that."
I nodded, then sighed. "Ok so... how do we even bring it up?"
She seemed ready and confident. "I'll handle that. We'll figure it out."
"Wait... Syd. Are we really gonna do this?"
"Only if you want to." Her face was still and serious.
I looked away, down at the asphalt below my feet. "I don't know. I'm not sure."
She took a deep breath. Nodded. "How about this... I talk to her. I'll be careful... delicate. You just trust me. And I'll let you know after."
This was very quickly becoming real. "Really?"
"Yeah, I'm feeling good. Like this could work."
I nodded. "Ok."