This story is long overdue & took some time due to work & travel, but still hope you all enjoy it. This is a continuation from Chapter 1, so it would make some sense if you have already read that first part (refresh your mind!).
"You are very quiet, Annan. Is something wrong?" asked Jothi, turning to look at me.
I didn't answer her and kept my eyes on the road, as I drove towards the pasar malam (night market). We hadn't spoken a word during the entire journey. It began to rain and I switched on the wipers.
"Are you angry with me?" she tried again.
"No!" I replied abruptly, avoiding a motorcycle along the way. "Idiot!" I cursed the biker.
I was angry alright – with myself. I had woken up feeling guilty and had felt that way the whole day – really shitty. I couldn't face my mother-in-law in the morning when I had left for work. Work itself had gone well but my team knew I was in a lousy, non-communicative mood and did not raise too many objections to whatever I requested them to do.
I felt as if I had committed an unforgiveable sin and was annoyed with myself for having let my carnal desires overrule my head. How could I have been so stupid? How was I ever going to face Raja again without feeling guilty? How was I going to make love to Priya after this?
I had half a mind to stay in a hotel for the remaining nights but that would have meant more explanations (and lies) to Priya, Raja and everyone else. So I decided to act as if nothing had happened, as if last night was just a bad dream. And therein laid the problem – it wasn't a bad dream and I just couldn't get it out of my thoughts.
All day in the office I had conflicting thoughts – on one hand feeling utterly bad and guilty of a terrible sin to the whole family and on the other hand, realising that I had probably had the best mind-blowing sex ever with the most sexually alive female that I could have ever imagined. It was a vicious cycle of wanting, feeling good, then feeling bad and then not wanting, only for it to start all over again – if you know what I mean.
I left the office around 6:30pm, mind in turmoil and many questions popping up in my head. Reaching Raja's house, I was greeted by Jothi and the kids as I got out of the car – I avoided looking at her and just uttered a cold hello. I greeted my mother-in-law in the hall and then went to my room, to put my stuff away and change.
Before I could change however, mother-in-law came towards my room and asked me if I could take them to the clinic, as the little girl was coughing and wheezing badly. I obliged immediately, took her and both her grandchildren to the doctor. Jothi stayed back to prepare dinner. We returned from the doctors less than an hour later, with the usual, colourful concoction of medication in little plastic bottles.
During dinner later, Jothi asked me if I could take her to the pasar malam after we had finished with dinner, as she needed to get some provisions for the house. The market was some distance away and I did not want to be alone with Jothi, but again to be polite to my mother-in-law, I agreed. The kids wanted to follow as well, but as it was drizzling lightly, mother-in-law asked them to stay home. So there we were at 8:45pm, both of us sat in the car, on the way to the market.
"Please say something, Annan" begged Jothi, looking at me.
"What is there to say?" I responded coldly, finding a place to park close to the market.
Having parked the car, I switched off the engine. Jothi got out on her side, taking the umbrella with her. I got out on my side and locked the car. She was wearing a maroon Punjabi dress with matching black pants (salwar-kameez).
"You can share the umbrella with me" Jothi invited me politely.
"It's ok. I will wait here. Please be quick" I replied rather rudely, taking cover under the temporary plastic sheet of a fruit stall.
Her eyes looked away from me, hurt. She disappeared down the rows of stalls, looking for her provisions. Despite the unpleasant weather, there was a fairly large crowd at the market. I had been a few times to this market with Priya before. The rain had slowed down to a light drizzle again but I waited there at the fruit stall for her, my mind still disturbed and confused.
Some long minutes later, she appeared, walking towards where I was standing, carrying heavy plastic bags in both hands and struggling to hold the umbrella at the same time. I offered my hands to help her but she refused and carried the stuff all the way to the car, not saying a word, giving me a taste of what I was doing to her.
Once sat in the car, she looked straight ahead. I started the engine and moved the car away. It was around 9:45pm and the rain was getting heavier again. That road was usually congested and when it rained, it just got worse.
"I'm sorry" I said softly, trying to make amends, frustrated with the slow moving traffic. I felt like an idiot for being so cold, so hard towards Jothi and my conscience was pricking me.
Jothi was silent and I turned to look at her. Tears were dripping down her cheeks as she stared blankly ahead.
"Hey, please don't" I said softly, my hand moving to pat her knees, asking her not to cry. She moved her knee away.
"Please don't make me feel rotten, Jothi. I have been in turmoil the whole day, feeling so guilty" I tried to explain.
"How do you think I feel?" she asked, sobbing. "And, you are hurting me more by being so cold to me" she added.
"I'm sorry, I didn't intend that. I am just so angry with myself for letting it happen. I should have been in control. I should not have succumbed to my bodily urges and needs" I tried to reason.
"Is that all it was for you, Annan? Bodily urges and needs?" she asked, annoyed, still sobbing and still staring blankly ahead. She wiped her tears away with her bare fingers.
