With a heavy heart, I lay upon her, sobbing uncontrollably. She cradled my head to her chest, soothing me with her loving hands and her loving heart. In the darkness following the day and the darkness following the funeral, she was the strong one, the one who grieved silently and internally while consoling me as best as she could, not caring that of all people, it was me crying into her chest, that this semi-intimate moment was being shared with her twin brother.
Angela's battle was short and as pain-free as medical technology could allow. That gave me a little comfort as I stood at her bedside along with her parents and her younger sisters for her final moments. The grief in the small hospital room was very tangible, and was almost a crushing weight upon our shoulders.
We all lived in the same small suburb. Angela and I attended the college five blocks away from our high school, while my twin sister Kristen was a commuter student to the university in the city. All three of us had been close for most of our lives, and that had brought our two families together as friends as well. No one had been particularly surprised when Angela and I had begun dating in high school, although the few who knew were indeed stunned when they learned that Angela and Kristen had engaged in a woman-on-woman encounter when the three off us took a final camping trip together just before going to our respective college or university.
When cancer struck, however, it hit Angela fast and hard. It hit us all fairly hard, but outside of her family, it hit me hardest of all, probably because I was the one who had seen her most often, whether in school or on field trips or going to a movie or in a college dorm room.
Late into the night, after we had shed all our tears, Kristen and I held each other close, something which was not uncommon for us, and traded memories of Angela which were not mentioned at the funeral. Angela's enthusiasm about spending the following year studying in Rome, her deep interest in Formula1, the Minnie Mouse panties she would often wear even when dressed for a formal occasion...
"Do you remember the first time I saw you two having sex?" my twin sister asked.
"Um, yeah. I nearly had a heart attack when you walked so boldly into the bedroom."
Kristen giggled softly, the first sound of happiness I had heard from her in more than a week. "The expression on both your faces was priceless. It was odd though to stand there in the doorway and watch you making love to her the way that I'd long wished a certain someone would do with me."
I smiled. "You should let him know."
"I know, but it's... complicated."
"I see." In the darkness, I hugged her closely. "Whoever it is would be a very lucky guy. Perhaps he's already taken? Is that why you haven't told him how you feel?"
Kristen hesitated, stiffening a little in my arms. "No. He's no longer taken."
"Well, give him some time. If he left his girlfriend recently, give him some time."
We hugged warmly again, and although Kristen definitely was not Angela, the special bond my twin and I had shared for more than two decades certainly helped to further ease my mind and my heart.
"I should probably head back to campus," I finally said sadly. I knew that I did not belong in my sister's apartment so late at night, and I especially did not belong on her bed in her arms in the dark.
"It's okay," Kristen affirmed. "In fact, I'd like you to stay tonight, and the entire weekend if you want."
I was a little surprised. "Are you sure, sis?"
Her answer was to nod with her forehead brushing mine, just like when we were much younger.
"Okay," I agreed, "but in the morning, I'm heading back to campus to clean up and get my things to truly spend the weekend."
"That's fine." I could hear her smile, then I felt it in her chaste kiss to my cheek.
*****
In the morning, I awoke to an arm draped over my side and a pair of soft breasts pressed into my back. The room was definitely not my dorm room, nor was it Angela's dorm room, nor was it a dorm room at all, for it was larger and definitely much nicer. It was an actual bedroom, with a small vanity and a window with actual curtains just in my view.
Then I remembered having fallen asleep in my twin sister's bed, keeping a respectable distance between us despite the somewhat cramped confines of the bed. During the night, she had gravitated toward me, holding me close in her sleep. I wondered if she was aware of the position, but from the slow regularity of her breathing, it sounded like she was still sleeping.
I had slept in only my underwear as usual, while I could feel an actual nightie pressed to my back. I remembered Kristen's comment before we slipped underneath the covers together:
I hope you don't mind my wearing something so sheer.
As the first light of day gradually illuminated the bedroom, I remembered that view of my twin sister, of noticing her twin swells and thinking of how I used to suckle one of Angela's breasts as she sighed contentedly and cradled my head to her chest. I sighed, wishing it was Angela pressed to my back.
...and feeling a stirring within my underwear.
It was not my longtime girlfriend holding me from behind as she slept, but it was definitely a woman in bed with me. She was more than just a woman: She was a lifelong friend and confidante, and perhaps just as importantly, she was the best link I still had with Angela just because of the many times she and I had shared with Angela.
I remembered the camping trip. I remembered emerging from the tent to find my girlfriend and my sister both kneeling by the small campfire, holding each other close and kissing slowly. Many guys fantasize about seeing two beautiful young women kissing - and more - and that night, I no longer needed to fantasize, giving them plenty of space and quiet to engage in their Sapphic moment, ultimately joining them only when they both turned to me and gave explicit permission for me to approach. I remembered fondly how I slowly undressed each of them as they continued to caress and kiss, how they ended up fingering each other to shuddering orgasms before Angela used her mouth to bring me to an orgasm of my own while my sister kept fondling her...
As I lay in my sister's bed, my erection throbbed with the memory. I had known that Kristen had been interested in sharing an all-female intimate moment for quite some time and was not surprised when she later confessed that she would feel most comfortable with Angela, but I had not expected them - especially Kristen - to invite me into their interlude.
I thought that, perhaps, that memory and the fact that my sister was pressed against me were related. Deep inside, I hoped that was the case, not necessarily because I thought of Kristen in a romantic sense, but because, with Angela's passing, she was the only person to whom I could imagine giving all of me completely.
My erection throbbed again, as if it sought the feminine body sharing the bed with me.
I realized that I needed some space and some time to think. Slowly, carefully, graciously (I hope), I slid out of my sister's grasp without awakening her and, after standing in the doorway and watching her sleep like an angel, made my way to the small kitchen to fix breakfast for us both.
*****
"Where ya headed?" Mike asked as I packed my small duffel bag for the weekend.
"Staying with my sister, where I was last night," I admitted. "Since we both knew Angela well, it helps to be able to grieve together." That part was definitely true.
"Oh yeah, you said you and your sister and Angela all grew up together."
"Yeah."
