Trish and I arrived at the local mall about thirty minutes later. It was a warm and sunny day; quite pleasant, so for her first full day of public nudity, it was quite a nice experience to be outdoors. I parked the car, and we walked across the parking lot to the closest entrance, which happened to be adjacent to the movie theater.
We entered the mall and headed for the tattoo studio, when suddenly a loud and harsh voice called out.
"You there! What do you think you're doing?"
Trish and I glanced at one another. We both knew full well the demand was aimed at us - well specifically at her - but she was legal to be nude, so we proceeded. Whoever it was was about to get schooled and possibly sued, if they interfered with her. As a registered nudist, she was now afforded the same protection under law as any other protected class, and discriminating against her simply for being nude was a clear violation of the law.
We continued walking toward the center of the complex that overlooked the food court, where the ink shop was located, when we were suddenly accosted by a belligerent mall cop. He was out of breath (and out of shape as well. I guess round is a shape though) from running to catch up to us, and seemed hellbent on creating an incident.
"I asked you a question!" he bellowed. "What do you think you're doing, walking into this mall without any clothes on? Are you mentally ill or something?"
"Nope." Trish answered casually, and continued walking alongside of me.
"Good girl." I said quietly. "Stand your ground, but don't push it."
"Stop!" he demanded.
I nodded at her, and we paused to accommodate the security guard's demands, as unwarranted as they might be. We had to take every precaution to allow him to violate her civil rights, in the event that this escalated into something further.
"Are you on drugs?" he demanded. "Where are your clothes? Don't you know that you are walking around nude?"
"I'm a registered nudist," Trish replied. "My registration is mandatory, so it's illegal for me to wear clothes in public."
"Sure it is!" he snorted. "Stay where you are. I'm calling the police."
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." I said sternly. "You will regret it, I promise you. She has not violated the law, but you are dangerously close to violating her rights if you detain her."
"Is that a threat?!" he demanded. "I'll regret it? Are you threatening me?!"
"She told you; she's a registered nudist." I replied, as calmly as I could. "If you fuck with her for that, you will find yourself facing a lawsuit for discrimination. Since neither one of us has committed a crime or intends to, you cannot detain us, and we are leaving now. If you attempt to detain us, you will be sued for an unreasonable search and seizure, as well as false imprisonment. Don't push it. You have no authority to detain either one of us, and we are leaving."
"That's it!" he snapped. "I've had enough of your shit, Asshole. Put your hands behind your back."
Trish looked at me with wide eyes, as I shrugged and did as I was told. This guy was in for a really rude awakening when somebody else showed up. By now, a large crowd was gathering due to both Trish's public nudity and my being placed in handcuffs, and it was all being recorded on several bystanders' phones as well.
Meanwhile, the security "officer" (and I put that title in quotes due to my sheer lack of respect for his so-called authority) had his cell phone in one hand, and his radio in the other; apparently talking back and forth between 911 and his own chain of command. Within a few minutes, three additional security personnel arrived; one of whom had a gold badge on his uniform.
While there are exceptions to every rule, in general, a run of the mill officer - be it public or private, or even a sheriff's deputy - will have a silver badge. A ranking officer, or the sheriff or chief of police, will have a gold badge. That's how you know who's in charge.
About the same time, a pair of local PD showed up from the same direction that Trish and I had come from, indicating they entered the mall through the same portal as us.
So that totaled four Paul Blarts and two real cops; one of whom I knew personally, because she happened to live two doors down from my house. She stared first at totally nude Trish, and then addressed me.
"Jack!" she exclaimed. "What in the world is going on here? And what's up with the nude chick?"
The overgrown Gopher Guide looked at her in confusion.
"You know this guy?" he inquired.
"Well, yeah." she replied. "He's my neighbor. He's also an auxiliary sheriff's deputy. Why is he in shiny, Peerless bracelets? There seems to be a lack of communication here, Dude."
The cop-wannabe paled visibly, and I slid my cuffed hands past my ass and stepped through them one foot at a time, before bringing my hands up in front of me. It wasn't too hard to then reach into my pocket and retrieve my car keys, which had a handcuff key on the ring.
To my credit, these weren't hinged cuffs, which are almost impossible to get out of even if you have the key, but a pair of standard chromed swivel cuffs. I was out of them within seven seconds, and I thrust them back at the incompetent Barney Fife, who was staring at me with his jaw hanging wide open.
"I told you that were going to regret this!" I snarled. "I told you she is a registered nudist. I told you to let it go. I told you that if you detained me that there would be consequences, and now, in addition to her lawsuit and mine against you, your security company and this mall in civil court, I am also pressing charges against you for kidnapping and false imprisonment; both of which are Class A felonies in this state."
I turned to the female officer.
"Stella, I want him charged."
"What the fuck is this shit?!" he exclaimed. "There's no such thing as a registered nudist! This is bullshit!"
"There is, she is, and so is the owner of the Human Canvas Ink Shop where we are headed." I replied. "Haven't you seen an inked up goth babe with a bunch of clit rings around a butterfly tattoo on her cunt, walking around this mall just as nude as this woman is, before?"
"He just started this morning." the dude with the gold badge spoke up. "He didn't know."
"And he just got arrested AND FIRED this morning on top of it, didn't he?" I responded. "Ignorance of the law is no excuse; especially when it's your job to maintain said law. IS IT?!"
The supervisor nodded.
"Yes, you are correct." he replied, taking my cue. "Henry, you're fired."
Stella cuffed and Mirandized "Henry," and I turned back to face the flustered supervisor, who still appeared to be in shock.