"Hello." says the man in my doorway.
There is a man in my doorway.
He doesn't look like a Jesus freak, but he doesn't look like anyone else who would show up unannounced either.
Maybe door-to-door salesman, but I don't think most companies' dress codes include bright red three piece suits, and it hardly seems like casual Friday wear. Especially considering how well ironed and spotless it is.
There is also the matching top hat. Who the Hell wears a top hat?
"What do you want?" I ask, quite politely, I think, given the circumstances.
"I'm here to show you your calling."
Ah, Jesus freak after all.
I should close the door in his face, but somehow I don't. Instead I ask,
"What calling would that be?"
"A slut." he says calmly.
What. The. Fuck.
I don't say that out loud, I should, but somehow I don't.
Instead an incredulous "What?" is all that escapes my lips.
"A slut, a whore, a skank, a cumdump. A thot, to use more modern terminology, or a town bicycle to be metaphorical and oblique." he clarifies. As though that was what needed clearing up.
Whatever this creep's deal is, I should definitely close the door in his face now, lock it for good measure. Dial 911.
I don't.
"You're living with your parents and two brothers. At 19 you should be off to college, but you're taking a gap year after high school to collect yourself. Your older brother's back from college for the weekend, and your younger brother's about to graduate high school at 18. Straight A's. I'm sure you're proud of him."
Great. Not just a creep, a stalker too.
How the fuck did I get in this mess? Why did he choose me? I'm not particularly pretty. I don't wear makeup. My boobs are, like, average sized. Small even. I've barely even had a boyfriend.
"Your parents are both away at work. A stroke of luck, that. Glad you opened the door. Save me a bit of time." he continues.
"Kelly! Who is it?" my brother Robert, the older one, back from college for the weekend, says. Good. If I can't fight back, maybe he can.
"Hey! Who are you?" He asks as he comes to the door.
"An angel" says the man "or a demon. There's not actually that much distinction between the two. But that's a whole other conversation."