Josh and Ted stopped in front of Jessie's high school. Jessie, Josh's sister, was talking to a couple of friends, waiting for her brother to pick her up. Ted nudged Josh and jerked a thumb toward the group.
"Your sister's friends are hot," he said, making a different jerking motion in his lap.
Josh shook his head. "Jesus, Ted; is that all you ever think about?" Josh had listened to Ted's lurid description of every female under the age of thirty, as they drove down the street. He couldn't pass a woman without making some kind of suggestive remark. It was getting old.
"Come on, dude," cajoled Ted. "Haven't you ever wondered what that red-head would be like?" He waggled his eyebrows in what he thought was a suggestive gesture. "You know what they say about red-heads..."
"The same thing they say about blondes, brunettes, and chicks with tattoos?" Josh asked. "Ted, you say the same thing about whatever kind of chick you're looking at."
Ted shrugged. "Well, what can I say? They're all sluts... underneath." He punctuated the last word by grabbing his crotch.
"Shit, Ted... Shut up," he slugged Ted's shoulder, "here comes my sister."
Jessie bounced up and stood outside the car. "Hey, Ted, Big Brother..." She made no move to get in the car, just glared at Ted, who smiled up at her.
Josh slugged him and said, "Open the door, Jerk-Wad."
"Stop hittin' me, Dick-Face," replied Ted, as he got out of the car and opened the back door. "After you, Miss Edwards..." he said with mock grace.
Ted watched as she ducked and scrambled into the car, hoping to catch a glimpse of upper-thigh, or even her panties. He was disappointed. Jessie had plenty of practice getting into a car in her short school-plaid skirt, without giving her brother's sicko friend a peep show.
Once settled in, she smiled sweetly at Ted. "That you, sir. You're a gentleman and a scholar."
Josh shook his head, smiling. "Wrong on both counts, Sis," he called back.
"Shut up," said Ted, climbing back into the front seat.
Jessie dug around in her purse as they pulled into traffic. She found her brush and gave her golden blonde hair a few swipes. She kept her hair short, just below her collar, framing her round freckled face. She wasn't what you would call a classic beauty, having high, plump cheeks and a pug nose, but she was cute.
"So, Jessie," Ted said over his shoulder, "what's the scoop on those two girls you were talking to? They available?"
"I'm not your pimp, Ted," Jessie replied in a tired voice.
"Hey, I was just askin'," he shot back, feigning hurt innocence.
"What's wrong? Can't you find any college girls dumb enough to go out with you?"
Ted laughed airily. "Oh, you are a real comedian, little girl..." But he said nothing further.
Josh smiled to himself, knowing that his sister had struck a nerve. Ted did have trouble finding girls who would date him more than once. Small wonder, he thought, the way he treated them. He had no social skills whatsoever. Ted hadn't learned to keep his big mouth shut.
"So, how goes the man-hunt, Jess?" Ted asked, slyly. "Got any poor sucker on the hook, yet?"
Josh cringed at the mention of his sister's hunt for a boyfriend. He knew that she felt odd, being the only one of her friends still unattached. It was getting close to graduation, too. If she didn't hook up with someone, Josh would have to be her date to the senior prom.
Jessie sighed and responded, "Oh, I have a few prospects," she lied.
"Yeah, right," scoffed Ted. "Whoa, check that out," he said to Josh, pointing at a young, large-breasted blonde. Leaning out the window, he shouted, "Hey babe! Whatcha doin' later?"
Josh laughed and said, "Come on, Ted. Get over yourself, will you?"
Ted sighed and remained quiet as they drove on down the road. The silence was a welcome respite from Ted's constant stream of cat calls and lewd observations. Josh popped a CD in the car's player, and they drove on listening to DePeche Mode.
When they got to Ted's apartment, he hopped out without a word and waved over his shoulder. Jessie got out and took his place in the front seat.
"I hope he's not upset," she said earnestly.
"Forget him," her brother said dismissively, "he's an asshole."
"Then why do you hang out with him?" Jessie asked.
"Habit, I guess," replied Josh. "We've been friends so long, I don't even think about it."
Jessie sighed heavily and hugged her backpack. Josh shot her a glance and asked, "What's the matter, Sis?"
"I can't find anyone to take me to the prom," she muttered. She turned a puffy-eyed face to her brother. "Is there something wrong with me, Josh? Am I ugly, or what?"
"Hell, no, you're not ugly," replied Josh. "You look great. A little... innocent, maybe."
Jessie looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you look kind of... prudish." He cleared his throat and added, "Not that that's bad, necessarily. It's just..."
"What? I should look like that slut Shelly Piccolo?"
Josh knew Shelly Piccolo. Hell, everyone knew Shelly Piccolo. She'd slept with half the boys in her eighth-grade class, and worked up from there. By the time she got to high school, most of the senior boys knew her reputation: "If you want a good time, just call Shelly Piccolo. She puts out like a Coke machine."
"No," replied Josh, fighting back the involuntary hard-on brought about by the mention of Shelly Piccolo. "I don't think you need to go that far. Just try to look more... accessible."
Josh tried to explain that it was more a matter of attitude. She usually hugged her backpack to her chest, as if it were a shield. And it wouldn't hurt to undo one or two of the top buttons on her blouse. And she shouldn't glare at boys, as if she were daring them to talk to her. Jessie listened attentively, making mental notes.
"So, all that stuff makes me look prudish?" she asked at the end.
Josh shrugged. "Yeah, sort of. Of course, that's just your big brother's opinion." He turned the corner and pulled into the driveway of their father's house. "I mean, it all says: 'I wouldn't even consider having sex with you.' And that's a real turn-off."
"Josh," she said timidly, as he shut off the ignition, "I don't think I want to have sex."
