To anybody who happened to drive down Brookline Road in rural Ballston Spa, New York on that summer day in 1998, the sight of the two elderly ladies sitting on the front porch of the old farmhouse sipping iced tea while a young lad mowed the spacious grounds of the property might have seemed like a slice of Americana.
Indeed, the young man with the rosy cheeks and the boyish looks looked the part as so did the senior citizens, but while the boy was an innocent the women were anything but and their conversation reflected the fact that while they may have looked like prim and proper ladies from the outside there was no doubt that they had a rather bawdy side to them.
That was certainly more true of 66 year old Ruth Comstock, whose knack of saying and doing the most outrageous things often shocked people who didn't expect such candor, than of Elsie Mundy, her longtime friend who was the exact opposite of Ruth in almost every way.
Quiet and reserved as most would expect a 65 year old woman, Elsie would often blush at the words and antics of her friend Ruth, but in many ways she envied Ruth for being so candid and fearless, especially since often Ruth would come out and say things that Elsie would only think about.
That was the way it was on that one afternoon in July as they sipped their ice tea, which Ruth had liberally laced with vodka as was her habit. The topic of conversation was Elsie's grandson, and it wasn't the sun that made Jason's grandmother's face red as Ruth said things that only she would.
***
"I'll bet the little girls go crazy about little Jason," Ruth opined as the fair-haired lad smiled and nodded as he pushed the mower past them. "What grade did you say is he in? Eighth?"
"No," Elsie said as she shook her head at her best friends forgetfulness. "My other grandson is the one that's in junior high and he lives in Vermont. Jason here is the one that's in college."
"Hard to believe that little critter is in college," Ruth suggested.
"I know, and please don't say anything because he's sensitive about that. "He's in his second year at State because he skipped 1st and 5th grade. Jason is a brilliant student."
"Okay, now I have them straight," Ruth stated. "Well then, I bet the girls at college chase him all over campus, with that curly golden hair and the dimples."
"No, as a matter of fact it's just the opposite. They think he's a little kid. I think skipping him ahead in school really hurt him socially because his mother says he's only had one girlfriend she knows of," Elsie explained. "His mother thinks he might be gay."
"I doubt that," Ruth said. "Not the way he looked at my tits when you introduced us."
"You think everybody looks at your breasts," Elsie tsk-tsked while shaking her head, but she knew her friend wasn't far off because Ruth's large bosom did get a lot of stares.
"Most do, including you my dear," Ruth clucked and then laughed when Elsie blushed deeper. "Did you say Jason will be here for a week?"
"Yes, that's when his Mom gets back from her cruise. Guess she's trying to find someone to replace her ex."
"Well maybe you can sneak down to my place if the urge strikes you," Ruth suggested.
"I can go a week without - you know," Elsie assured her friend.
"Maybe," Ruth said to her frequent lover. "Don't know if I can, especially now that I know your grandson is legal. Cute as the dickens he is."
"That IS my grandson you're talking about," Elsie reminded her.
"Wonder if he's a virgin? Haven't had one of them in a while," Ruth said. "Jason probably is because he sure looks like a little boy."
"He's a wonderful young man," Ruth said of her son's boy who was only about 5'5" and couldn't weigh more than 125 pounds dripping wet, which he was already from mowing in the heat of the day.
"I didn't say he wasn't wonderful," Ruth replied as they watched Jason stop briefly and wipe his brow, his tank top and shorts damp with sweat. "He's beautiful, it's just that - I mean look at him. His legs are almost as smooth as mine and he doesn't even have hair under his arms yet."
"He does too," Elsie responded. "A little. It's just that he's so fair you can't really see it."
"But it's amusing that you noticed it though," Ruth snickered. "Keeping an eye on how the boy's developing?"
"He's 19 for crying out loud," Elsie said. "How much vodka did you put in this tea anyway?"
"Enough to make me sit here and mentally undress the little rascal," Ruth mused as she put her feet up on the chair opposite her. "All sweaty and everything. Maybe when he gets done I could give him a bath."
"He takes showers."
"Then I could wait until he gets done and I could towel him off," Ruth said. "Maybe Jason would like having a woman dry his little twinkie for him."
"It's sure as heck not..." Elsie said and then promptly shut her mouth, but not before her friend's ears perked up.
"His pecker's not what?" Ruth said so loud Elsie was glad the mower's motor was roaring.
"Nothing."
"Too late sweetie," Ruth said, and when Elsie shook her head she pressed harder. "Come on. You're as perverted as I am."
"Hardly."
"You're perverted enough. Come on honey. You know how I love nasty stuff, and don't we share everything? "Saliva? Juices? That guy out at the Holiday Inn in Syracuse?"
"You're never going to let me forget that are you?" Elsie said as she recalled that time a year ago when she let herself get talked into a threesome with some guy they met in a motel bar far out of town after a shopping excursion at the Carousel Center Mall, the only guy she had been with in the 6 years she had been a widow.
"You don't want to forget it do you?" Ruth asked with an upraised eyebrow, and after Elsie finally shook her head no Ruth added, "Neither will I. We wore that poor guy out and he was half our age."
"Okay, but this is just between us," Elsie cautioned, and after Ruth agreed she took a deep breath while looking out at her industriously working grandson.
"Did you peek in at him in the shower?"
"No," Elsie said. "That's something you would do."
"If I had grandsons instead of granddaughters I probably would," Ruth admitted. "And I've been known to take a peek at them from time to time too. Heck, I've already admitted that. Go on and tell me your story."
"Last night Jason had taken a shower, and after he came out of the bathroom I went down to the hall closet to replenish the towels," Elsie explained. "I happened to glance at the guest room door because it wasn't fully closed, and Jason was in there drying off."
"Go on. This is so erotic. You looked in at him?"
"I didn't mean to, it's just that the door was ajar," Elsie protested.
"I know honey - you were just curious. Don't cry."
"I'm not," Elsie countered, wiping her moist eyes with the back of her hand. "It's just that I feel guilty."
"Why? Because you didn't just peek? Because you kept looking at him?" Ruth asked as calmly as she could manage.
"Yes," Elsie admitted.
"Did he catch you looking at him?"
"NO!" Elsie answered. "I mean, I don't think so. I hope not."
"So tell me about it."
"When I went by Jason he had his back to the hall, and when I saw his little rear-end, so pale with dimples just like it had been when I used to diaper him years ago when he was a baby," Elsie related wistfully. "He looked so adorable."
"I'm a believer," Ruth interjected as she kept looking out at the lad. "So then what happened?"
"I was about to go down to the closet because he turned around, but his head was buried in the towel because he was drying his hair, so for whatever reason I stayed where I was."
"And you saw him? Naked?" Ruth asked almost breathlessly. "Please tell me you did woman because I'm about to explode. You saw Jason's dick?"
Elsie's mouth formed the word yes but nothing came out so she nodded yes almost imperceptibly.
