Before...
The whole thing started months ago when my mother invited me to the spa. Deep tissue massages and hot baths are mom's safe haven, her place to unwind after a busy week. She also insisted that I come to the gym with her.
We would get dressed next to each other at her insistence, both in the gym and spa locker rooms. I couldn't understand why she had this sudden push to be naked around me. We've always had normal physical and social boundaries. Her nudity became more blatant and she'd stand there watching me undress.
Let me give a little more context. My mother is a psychologist, researcher, and she also teaches at a top university in this field. Her specialty is mental health and overcoming trauma. Her papers and journal publications are considered cutting-edge.
But she's far from your average psychologist. She's got style. Her hair always has streaks of bright highlights, her eyeshadow is always prominent, her lipstick is always bold red, and her nail polish always changes.
And in case you're wondering -- yes -- she made a move. Several times. A month ago we got full body massages. Our bodies were oiled and naked. She asked the employees to give us privacy so we could rest, and when I nearly fell asleep, my mother walked over to me and placed her hand between my legs. I was startled, but I didn't stop her.
She made me cum with her hand. Then she made me cum again with her mouth. There wasn't any talking and she never explained herself afterward.
The following week was the reverse. We sat in the sauna with towels wrapped around our bodies and she asked if I was 'interested.' Nothing else, just if I was interested. I knew what she meant. When I was indecisive, mom pulled her towel away and sat there without saying a word.
I got on my knees and returned the favor. I'd never done that before with a woman, so she guided me. The taboo was stomach churning, but I guess that's what made it alluring, that it was the ultimate forbidden act. Again, she never explained herself. She always shut down any inquiries I had.
Two weeks ago I looked through her stuff, hoping to discover her motives. Her desk at home is cluttered. With most of her work stored on her laptop, I knew information would be limited, but I found books regarding the long term effects of incest.
Then I found two pages with her handwritten notes scribbled on them:
'for professionals'
'the untold impact of mom/son incest'
'a mother is supposed to be a nurturer'
'guilt and shame'
'the healing process'
'what professionals need to know'
In that moment something clicked in my head and it all made sense. Mom exposing herself to me, making me orgasm, eating her out... it was a thought-experiment to her. She heals people's trauma for a living, some nights I'd see her in tears. I felt like a fool for not making the connection earlier.
The Family Ride
My younger brother is getting snacks and I'm getting soda. We're at a gas station in the Arizona desert. The family road trip was my mother's idea, a way for everyone to connect since he moved away last year. At 20 years old, he already has a technician's certificate and a paid apprenticeship.
The afternoon sun is blazing when we step outside. Aunt Elizabeth is driving the big rental van. She's much like my mother, an academic with a sassy flare. We had already dropped off two other family members to their home, so there are extra seats in the van.
It's amazing how sexy mom looks right now. Small tshirt which showcases big boobs, jean shorts which show off legs, sandals which show her feet. God she's delicious. I'd give anything to eat her out again. We hadn't done that in a while, sadly, because she hadn't offered. And yes, I know how crazy I sound, complaining about being cut-off sexually from my own mother.
Aunt Elizabeth calls everyone to the van. The ride back to California will take hours. Mom stops me before I can get inside, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"I'll sit with Luke for the rest of the trip," she says. "You know, I miss him."
"Yeah, sure, totally makes sense."
"And another thing. You might hear a few noises in the backseat. Ignore it, okay?"
It takes a moment to register mom's vague statement, but looking into her eyes, I know exactly what she's talking about. It's the same eyes she gave me before our previous sexual contact. My jaw drops and mom winces with embarrassment. In the van? With my brother? How could she? I'll admit that I'm jealous that she's choosing Luke over me.
"Are you going to..."
She nods. "Yes, yes, don't say anything to him."
"But why? Is this part of your research?"
"How did you know about my research?"
"I looked through your stuff. I saw your notes."
"When we get home, I'll explain everything. I promise."