Violet shifted uncomfortably in her seat; she could feel the post-climactic scenes reaching their conclusions. The easing of tensions between characters. Loose plot threads being tied neatly together. She reached for her oversized jug of soda, the back of her hand brushing softly against her sister's, and recoiled as if shocked. Ariana looked over in the dark and nodded toward the drink, letting Violet go first, but Violet shook her head and stared back at the screen as if her life depended on it. She wasn't thirsty; she'd just wanted something to do with her hands.
The sweeping score took over while the cameras zoomed out, but Violet remained rooted in her seat as her sister stood. "I don't think there's anything after the credits in this one," Ariana leaned in and whispered, confused. The screen faded to black.
"Are you sure?" she stalled.
"I... I don't think it's that kind of movie."
It wasn't, and Violet knew that, but she remained rooted anyway. The sea of humanity roiled around her, and she was frozen in fear. By itself, staying put was the best of bad options, but Ariana was leaving. Her sister was leaving.
She
was leaving.
Stay and drown or follow and suffocate. Violet followed and held her breath.
The throng pressed in around them as they made for the exit. Her sister led the way, and Violet curled in on herself as the hallways narrowed and bottlenecked. Bodies pushed well inside her bubble of personal space, jostling for position. The door wasn't that much farther. It was stupid to be so uneasy just because other human beings were in her vicinity. Logically, Violet knew that, but knowing was
far
less than half the battle.
Just as the crush reached its worst, Ariana looked back and took her by the hand. Fingers clenched around palms. Light bloomed ahead.
Light that burned.
"I'm parked over that way," Violet lied, letting go as soon as they made it out into the much-more-spacious main hallway.
Ariana nodded and fidgeted nervously, clearly aware that something was off but unsure of how to address it. "Okay," she said finally. "Thanks for the... for coming."
Violet nodded and turned.
"Talk to you later," Ariana called, tinged with a hint of sadness.
Violet waved her hand over her shoulder, the barest possible acknowledgement she could manage, without turning back around to face her sister. That would have been too much. She was already flustered, and out-of-her-mind conflicted. She pushed through the exit door into the empty lot behind the building and fast-walked across to the curb on the far side. The back lot was poorly lit and completely empty as she plopped down, her arms curled tight around her knees as she drew shallow, ragged breaths. She rocked forward and back, trying to bring her heart rate back down.
She could not believe how turned on she was again. Her panties were soaked, again, and her clit ached from so much frantic masturbation. She clenched her teeth and looked around, feeling another surge of the lust that had been overtaking her the past couple weeks, but just before her trembling fingers could slip underneath her waistband, a young couple staggered out of the same door she had and immediately began making out.
Violet stared quietly, jealously, while the boy caressed his girlfriend's cheek with one hand and cradled her hip with another. Her head, tilted, while her hands roamed across his back and shoulders. Up into his hair. Violet was stuck. If she started moving, they'd know she'd been watching, and so Violet sat. Watching while he groped her. While his tongue moved down to her neck. While the girl writhed under his touch. After a minute they giggled and ran around the building, and Violet was alone again with her thoughts. She couldn't expel the idea of a stolen moment like that with her sister. Kissing
her
neck. Running fingers through waves of dark chocolate. Feeling
her
body so cl—
Violet launched herself to her feet with a pained sigh, praying enough time had passed that Ariana would be long gone and she could go find her car alone. So she could go back to her dorm room and be alone. Hopefully. She had no idea what she'd do if Noreen was there.
Fortunately, she didn't have to find out. Noreen had left a note on their whiteboard, and Violet felt safe enough to collapse on her bed and have a frustrated little cry.
***
She'd finally admitted to herself that she was attracted to her sister a week after her Life Drawing final.
It wasn't weird or unnatural to be attracted to gorgeous people.
Nevermind that they were related by blood, Ariana was still basically a stranger to her. It was all perfectly logical. Violet resolved herself to the cold calculations that told her she would simply 'get over it' and addressed the far more pressing need; she had been shown a fleeting glimpse of having a sister in her life, and was desperate to get it back.
Their first meeting, coffee at a little shop in town, had been disastrous. Violet couldn't keep her head on straight for a full minute without staring at her sister. She was
beautiful!
Her loose-fitting tie-dyed shirt hung low exposing a perfectly curved collarbone and shoulder, and her calf-length skirt flowed fluidly every time Ariana bounced her foot in the air. She seemed to feel the tension too, and what Violet had hoped would be a spirited conversation, like they'd had before, was a largely-silent affair. The only thing that had gone right was that their mother was completely left out of the conversation.
Violet would have insisted that be the last time they meet, her discomfort was so great, except that right alongside that discomfort, and in stark contrast to it, was a phenomenal amount of relief just by being near Ariana. She couldn't wrap her head around the simultaneous highs and lows she felt being close to her sister. The only thing she could do was keep strong to the idea that the attraction would fade the more she got to know Ariana.
It didn't. It only got more intense.
Violet came prepared for their next coffee meet-up (she refused to call them dates) with a dozen questions she thought might help her get to know her sister better as a person. She maintained a cheerful exterior and participated in their lively back and forth, but she died a little on the inside with every answer. Ariana couldn't have done on purpose what she did effortlessly just by being herself, which was to charm and enthrall Violet that much more with every word. A few times, particularly on social issues where Violet's more centrist outlook disagreed with her sister's heavily liberal one, Violet thought she had found places where grudging respect might be the best she could summon. Everytime, without fail, Ariana unleashed a personal anecdote that not only made Violet feel silly for ever opposing it, but uncomfortably aware of how different their upbringings had been.
Worse, by far, was the guilt, as her feelings for her sister persisted and flourished. The guilt naturally made it feel more wrong, which in turn made it better, resulting in more guilt, in a dizzying vortex of feels. Their last three
meet-ups
had all been to see movies, where Violet awkwardly kept conversations to a minimum. As a result, only her physical attraction to Ariana deepened, which was bad enough.
Violet didn't know how much more she could take.
***
When she finally came back to the present, Violet drearily marched to the shared bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. As she stood there, staring herself down in the mirror, there was nothing she could think of that would help her more than a nice long shower. The bathroom was empty, a rare occurrence on the girls floor, and she was mentally exhausted. She sprinted back down the hall, grabbed her shower kit and a towel, and ran right back.
"Ooooh, fuck yes," she cried jubilantly, finding the bathroom still unoccupied. She quickly stripped down, hopped in one of the shower stalls, and wept as steaming-hot water poured over her body. She leaned on her arm, her forehead pressed against the tile, and let it wash over her for a good, long time. Comfortable solitude was an acceptable status quo.
Violet shivered as the door to the hallway opened. A brief rush of cool air around her ankles preceded the soft humming of another girl. Violet closed her eyes and cocked her head, listening. She knew that voice, a girl who lived two doors down. Indian.
Nadi
, she thought.
Pretty sure that's her name
. Very beautiful.
Very
not
